Love, Death, Birth
by Siobhan B. Masen- Fraser
Summary: Bella has suffered so many goodbyes in her 17 years, when she suffers a massive goodbye, will she change her mind on becoming a vampire? Will her next goodbye remove her belief in love? Is she strong enough to stand alone? Rated M for lang/lemons, canon
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A few months back the ATL girls had a get together, and in walked mamadog93. I stood up and told a story...she was the closest to me, so I yanked her shirt open and peeked in to punctuate my story. I was so scared because she was new to us and I was worried that I scared her off. Well she showed up at the next get together and each one after that. Now, I am to the point that I can't imagine my life with out her. I owe this entire story to her, she came to me and told me that she wanted me to write this plot bunny for her. I am honored and I hope I have done you justice! I love long time mamadog93!**

**Playlist for Chapter 1: Rainy Days and Mondays-The Carpenter's; Don't Cry (Uncut Version)- Seal; Everything Changes- Staind; A Day To Be Alone- One Less Reason**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1~Bella<strong>**Love, Death, Birth**

You would think I'd be used to goodbyes by now; I've had a few in my life. But somehow or another, each one caught me as unprepared as the last.

The first goodbye came when I was less than three years old. Now, people debate what you can and can't remember at that age. To me, that matter wasn't up for debate at all. I remembered the day that my mom, Renee, packed up our stuff and we drove away from Forks. I could clearly see my dad, Charlie's, face as we drove out of the driveway.

He was nice about it; he didn't yell or scream at all. He sat down with my mom and they talked it out. She told him how unhappy she was. He told her he loved her and would do everything in his power to change that. She told him that he couldn't, it wasn't him; it was the small town that she was stuck in.

Charlie was a small town boy, he thrived there. His job as Chief of Police was everything to him, other than his family, of course. My mom was a big city girl; she wanted places to go, malls to shop at, and funky little craft places for her to do whatever hobby she had chosen that week. He would be just as miserable in the big city as she was in Forks. So, they agreed to part ways.

His tear stained face waved back at me as I twisted in my seat until I saw him and waved goodbye in return.

I certainly missed my dad when we arrived several days later in Phoenix, Arizona. Soon our schedule and normal way of life took over and I didn't miss him as much. Now, don't get me wrong I still talked to him all the time on the phone. He would call me every night. He even came to Phoenix several times to visit me, when I was too little to fly by myself. We went to the lake and fished; we saw movies together and enjoyed our time. Then he would get on a plane and fly back to Forks. My childhood attention span kept the hurt at bay with each of those small goodbyes.

The next goodbye was my Grandmother Marie, whom I was named after. She was actually my great grandmother, so I should be thankful that she lived to be almost ninety-two years old. She was my mom's grandmother. My mom's mother died in a car accident when my mom was thirteen, so my Grandmother Marie helped to raise my mom. She was a short little thing but boy, did she have piss and vinegar in her veins. You couldn't pull any shit on Grandma Marie. She knew better, she used to tell me she was psychic when I was little and I had no problem believing her. Somehow or another she just knew when you didn't tell the truth or when you held something back. Later in life, she told me that 'a person's eyes would always reveal the truth, always to watch their eyes'.

I was fifteen when she died. I cried for me but rejoiced for her. Her hard life was over and now she could enjoy that heavenly reward she always talked about. When she was alive I would tell her all my made up stories. After she died I would write stories in my journal for her then I would read them aloud to her, like I used to. I knew that I had always made her proud and would think of her each and every day till the day I joined her.

Funny thing is Grandma Marie's goodbye lead to my next goodbye. My mom's. At the cemetery where we buried Grandma Marie, there were two services that day. Grandma Marie's and a gentleman named Philip James Dywer. Mr. Dwyer's son, Phil, was a baseball player and had to catch a late flight to get there in time. He rushed straight from the airport to the cemetery. He ran up and stood beside my mom as Grandma Marie's service came to a conclusion. After it was all said and done and all the other's had left he apologized and introduced himself. Then he rushed over to the correct spot and was able to make the last few minutes of his own dad's funeral.

Mom explained that it was rude not to wait with him and provide him some comfort since he was so nice to us. So we stayed. Unfortunately, our limo from the funeral home left us. It had somewhere else to be, so we were stranded. Phil took pity on us and we shared a ride in his rental car back to our house. The whole time they talked and shared stories of his dad and my grandmother. By the time we reached our house, they had exchanged phone numbers and agreed to go out to dinner the next night.

Phil became as much of a staple in our house as he could, since he was a baseball player that traveled often. I liked Phil a lot; he was good for my mom. He settled her and she livened him. It was a true give and take between them. With Phil and my mom dating it was probably the closest I had ever come to normal in my life. Well, for my home life that was.

See with my mom a leftover hippie, I did all the housework, I cooked, I paid the bills, all of the things that a mom normally did. Well, I did those. She worked as a kindergarten teacher and flitted from hobby to hobby. Now, don't get me wrong, she was a great mother, she just sucked when it came to the household and the way it ran. Phil changed a lot of that, he was a bachelor and had to handle most of his own financial and household stuff. So, he took on a few things and allowed me more time to be a teenager, which equated to more time to brood, listen to music and study in my bedroom. You know normal teenaged stuff.

I had friends and was involved in school, but not to the point where it took over my life. I sort of liked it that way, the solitary life was good. I was happy with a good book or my journal. I didn't like to be hovered over and mom was okay with that. She and Phil were into their own things and so was I.

How does all that bring us to the point of another goodbye? Well, Phil got traded, so that put him on the road a lot more. Instead of being able to relax at home during his home games, now he had to travel to those as well. This took him away from my mom a lot more. So they sat down with me and asked me how I would feel if they traveled more together. They gave me the two options. Since I could drive and they trusted me, I had the choice to stay home alone, or I could move to Forks with my dad. To any normal teenager, the home alone option sounded like a great idea, but to me that was too much alone time. I could see how easily I could easily crawl inside myself and never want to be with people again.

So I chose to move back to Forks with my dad. He worked a rotating shift so I got the alone time I liked but spent enough time with him that I didn't become a hermit. My mom got to travel with Phil and everyone was happy.

These weren't even the major goodbyes in my life. These goodbyes I could understand. My dad had no other choice, he couldn't raise me alone. My Grandma Marie couldn't force her body to go on any longer at her age. And my mom deserved her happiness with Phil. Those were the small goodbyes.

I can say with certainty that at almost seventeen years old I was tired of goodbyes.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: I will post on Tuesdays each week and the chapters will all be about this size. I might add another chapter per week later, we will have to see how my RL goes. As always I would love to hear what you think about things!**

**Till next time...**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, fancy seeing you here again! I have to explain a little bit before you get started so I hope you all stick with me and read this note. The next few chapters will follow the familiar plot line you all know and love. I'll add things here and there, but trust me you'll see soon enough it will all turn and develop into my story line. I promise it won't be Twilight regurgitated. I just need to get you through some basic plot until we get there! Swear it ;)**

**Now, on to my thank you's! My girls mamadog93 (without her you all would not be reading this!), ttharman, theonlykyla (do I do anything without any of those three involved? NOPE!) Twistar Junkie and Shadowed by Passion! It takes a village people, especially for me...**

**I got a playlist for ya as well as a polyvore (ffn doesn't like links so here goes http(:)/www(.)polyvore(.)com/cgi/collection?id=1477956, hope that works if not then pm me and I will send it to you a different way!**

**Playlist:Breaking Inside-Shinedown, I Guess that's Why they Call it the Blues-Elton John, Lonely No More (iTunes version)-Rob Thomas, Decode (Acoustic)-Paramore**

* * *

><p>Chapter 2<p>

Charlie picked me up from the airport and we drove into the Forks city limits. I took in the way it never changed, at all. In the whole time I had come to see Charlie here, nothing ever seemed to change. I guess that was part of the appeal of it for Charlie. I saw how as a teenager, that exact thing would drive one crazy.

I settled into my room, which now included a new bedspread set, thanks to Charlie, and got all my stuff unpacked. That really only amounted to; two suitcases of clothes, my laptop, my phone and a few books I shipped to Charlie a week or so ago.

As I fixed dinner, Billy and his son, Jacob stopped by. They drove up in a loud, old red truck. Charlie called me outside and reintroduced me to the guys. Not that I needed it at all, I remembered them both vividly. They were the only other people that had been a staple for my Forks visits for as long as I remembered.

Billy was a widower; his two daughters went to live with their grandmother when his wife died. That left him with Jacob. Jacob and Billy became close, as most families do when they only have one parent. Charlie and Billy spent a lot of time together; they fished and watched all of the Mariner's ball games together. They always included Jacob as well. So, it was natural, when I came to visit in the summers, which meant I was included in their group.

Turns out Charlie had bought the truck for me to drive. I was thrilled because the last thing a teenager wanted was to roll up to school each morning in a police cruiser. That would certainly not win me friends, but it sure would give me a lot of unwanted attention.

Billy and Jake stayed for dinner and I noticed Jake looked over at me out of the corner of his eyes several times. I wanted to squash any romantic feelings for me right away. First of all, he was almost two years younger than I was. Now, as an adult that was not that big of a deal but in high school…well, that might as well have been forty years. It was too many years of separation. The second reason was I planned to finish up school here and then go away to college. I loved Charlie and would be happy enough in Forks for the time being, but it was not my choice for permanent residence; that was for sure.

As soon as dinner was finished, Billy and Jake decided to head home. I waved an awkward goodbye and turned back towards the sink to clean up the dishes. A few minutes later, Charlie came back in and sat down at the table while I dried and put things away.

"So, you like your new truck?" he asked. I knew Charlie well enough to know he was nervous about the purchase. The hand that rubbed the back of his neck was another clear indicator that my gut instinct was right.

"Yeah, it's great. No offense, but it sure beats the fact that without it I would show up in the cruiser each morning."

He smiled and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he chuckled and then sobered as he spoke the next words. "I'm sorry I couldn't get you something newer, cooler. You kinda sprung this move on me, so I didn't have time to prepare or anything." His face showed the sadness that lie behind his eyes. The last thing I wanted was for my daddy to feel like he had let me down.

"No, dad, it's perfect. I mean, really do you want a klutz like me in a sleek, sporty little car?" I hoped he understood me and my logic. Because let's be honest here, his purchase was the ideal kind of car for me. Strong, dependable, well hopefully and hard to die in.

I chanced a look out the kitchen window and saw the red beast as it sat in my driveway, it waited patiently for me to run out and hop into it. I liked it, it had personality and charm. It was going to be a good relationship between the two of us, I could feel it already. Besides I could shame Jake into any repairs since he took great pride in the fact he rebuilt the truck himself. Safe, dependable and free repairs, I sounded like a car ad, but it was a good fit.

The next morning I showered, dressed and left with a pop tart stuck between my teeth. Not that I was in a big of a hurry to get to school, but I certainly didn't want to be late either. It was my first day, it was the middle of March, and the semester was already half way through, the last thing I needed was more attention paid to me. Not my scene at all. I wanted to blend in, sail through quietly. Little did I know I was certainly not going to be able to do any of those things here at Forks High.

See, those kids had been together since they were in diapers. All through school, through little league and cheerleading, through scouts. No one had moved to Forks in three years; and then it was the Cullens, who didn't socialize at all. So everyone just discounted them. I was the first new transplant that joined in, or was forced to, in over ten years. I was the shiny new toy.

I learned this at lunch when the empty table I sat down to eat at suddenly filled. It was like a flash mob except there was no cool music or dance moves. They introduced themselves and told me funny stories about their group. Angela, who was probably the closest in nature to me, dated Ben. Ben was loud and funny. Jessica, who sat beside me in several classes, was infatuated with Mike, who had no clue she was alive, a fact I noted for myself at lunch later that day. Mike wanted to date me, another fact I learned at lunch the next day when he asked me out directly. Tyler, who was on my basketball team in gym, wanted to date Lauren but she was too stuck up to go out with him. She held out for someone better, a fact I learned the next day in Spanish class from Jessica. Eric was happy being single, Jessica says it's because he was secretly gay.

I was overwhelmed at all the attention and really just wanted to run off to the library and hide. I forgot how easy it was in Phoenix. The school was so much larger and it was easy to be a nobody, where I could find a quite place and not be disturbed.

All of that changed the moment the cafeteria door opened. The air in the room seemed to still and the noise disappeared, it really was a movie moment. It was big, I didn't know how but I just knew it was.

I watched as a beautiful couple stepped through the door and walked right past me. She was tall, thin and blonde. He was even taller, huge and had dark hair with the deepest set of dimples I had ever seen. His face looked kind and his smile screamed jovial, hers looked serious and slightly bitchy.

They were followed by a short, slender girl with dark inky, black hair. Her hand was wrapped around the arm of a blonde guy. He looked distressed. She seemed to notice as she leaned over, whispered something in his ear and kissed his cheek. His anger, distress or whatever it was disappeared and he smiled a sweet, gentle smile for her. He nodded his head and as they passed me, I heard him say, "sure thing, ma'am, anything for you." Her smile matched his as they continued to walk away.

The last figure entered the door was alone. I don't know why he was; he certainly had the looks to attract any girl in this school. Hell, probably any girl in Hollywood for that matter. He was absolutely beautiful. I know guys are not usually described as such, but he was. His pale skin seemed to almost glow, and gave him an otherworldly quality. His messy bronze hair screamed 'I didn't do a thing to it,' yet it was perfectly done. His tall thin body held the right amount of muscles for definition, but he was nothing like the two guys that walked in before him. It just fit him, and everything about him screamed naturally perfect. Like he didn't have to work at anything, he was just born that way.

When he walked by, he had the right amount of swagger in his step, his hands were thrown inside the front pockets of his jeans. His face held a smirk that lifted the one side of his mouth. He was sheer perfection but he paid me no attention. In fact, he didn't even glance our way at all.

By this time, all the guys at our table had run off in some juvenile game of who was the strongest by way of a chasing game. Grab ass is what Charlie called it. A bunch of guys ran around and really just made asses out of each other. The girls still sat in awe of the gorgeous creatures that passed by us. As a group they were magnificent, way too pretty to be seen with us. Maybe that is why none of them paid any attention to us; they were wrapped up in each other.

Jessica noticed my sudden obsession with them and began to explain. I tuned out her incessant gab until I heard her say, "they are like together, _together_." She stressed the' together' part. I didn't understand at all.

Angela explained, "but, Jess, they aren't really related."

I listened to each of them as they gave their opinions and debated the facts of the Cullens' home life while I just stole glances at the one I now knew was Edward, over my shoulder. Several times I met his gaze, but he looked away quickly.

It was the same in Biology, my first class after lunch, when I walked in and noticed Edward sat at the only lab desk that didn't hold two occupants. My heart skipped a beat about the time I realized I would probably have to sit beside him. I wasn't sure I could sit next to him, do my work and carry on a conversation without being a total embarrassment to myself. Just my luck.

When I met his eyes, he looked like he was in pain and turned away quickly. This seemed to be a pattern with him, so I turned back to the teacher and listened to his instructions. Just as I assumed, I was told to sit in the seat right beside Edward. When I sat, he pushed the slides towards me without a glance my way. He avoided me like the plague, literally.

This went on every time I saw him in the hallways, he averted his gaze. I really got pissed off, I mean I didn't know the guy; he had no reason to hate me. I made up my mind on the ride home from school I would confront him the next day and ask him what the hell his problem was, but he didn't show up. In fact, he didn't show for the next week.

When he finally did make it back, well…things were almost normal between us. I didn't see him until Biology, but as soon as my butt hit the seat he turned and introduced himself. We made polite conversation, and we talked all the way through our lab. He was smart and I had done it before, so we sailed through it with no problem. In fact, we won the Golden Onion, which was the coveted prize Mr. Molena gave out for his quizzes. During class Edward asked questions and I answered. I told Edward things I had never admitted to anyone else on the face of the earth. I don't know what it was about him but I felt safe, protected in fact.

That fact was only solidified when he jumped between Tyler's van and me in the parking lot. See, the van skid on a patch of ice and slid directly towards me. Edward stopped the van, literally stopped a moving vehicle. It felt so good to have his hands wrapped around me. There was something about the way he held me. I didn't feel scared at all, I felt safe again, protected.

I dreamt of him that night, but in my dream he was close to me, and he held me because it was what we both wanted that. It confused me, and made me rethink my decision to breeze through my last year and get the hell out of Forks. I could tell there was something slightly off about him, I guess I had inherited the eye thing from Grandma Marie as well, but no matter how much my brain screamed at me to stay away, I couldn't. I felt like the opposite end of a magnet, I just felt so drawn to him, without thought or free will to have any other option.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: As always I'd love to hear your ideas, your theories, whatever you want to tell me! Come on hit the button and let me know!**

**Till next time... **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Well...here we are again, so glad to see you all are liking it so far. I got to be honest, I was so worried about the strict canon plot so far. I was worried you all would hate it, but I saw no way around it. You will see it in this chapter as well, but I promise soon we will take a left turn away from what SM wrote and become something new. Swear on it!**

**Anyway, thanks to my wonderful beta Shadowed by Passion, not only did she beta this for me but she talked her way into a fancy little banner by Christag Banners, go and check it out at http(:)/i1171(.)photobucket(.)com/albums/r549/Bnjwl_Masen/LDB-redeyes(.)png, because it really is fabulous! An extra special thanks to Twistar Junkie cause she sees my shit first and has the most to correct! To my fabulous partner in crime and cause of this whole plot bunny-mamadog93. I love you all so much!**

**Playlist:To Make You Feel My Love-Trisha Yearwood, This Woman Needs-SheDaisy, When You Love Someone-Bryan Adams, When I Need You- Celine Dion, When I Look At You- Miley Cyrus (Sorry I almost forgot these!)**

**Go read now...**

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

Over the next few weeks, Edward and I talked every chance we got about everything we could think of. Although, every time we hung our together, I felt hesitation from Edward. Like he had a massive secret he wanted to let me in on but couldn't. The more I felt the distance, the more I wanted to close it. For him as much as for me. We never hung out together outside of school, and I never met his family. I only knew them from the glances at school and the time I went to the ER after the van accident. I almost felt like I wasn't good enough, like he was ashamed of me. That did wonders for my already fragile teenaged self-esteem.

Jake made cracks about them; he said there were legends of his tribe were passed down from generation to generation. Something about the Cullen's and how their ancestors were an enemy clan of the Quileute's. A pact was made, but it was still tense between them all. So, Jake made sure to make fun of my newfound friendship with Edward because of this. It all really just played on my teenage sensibilities. I think he was just jealous to be honest. So I half-way dismissed him, but his words started to make me wonder about a few things.

I tried my best to figure it all out, but just never could put my finger on what exactly was different about Edward. That was until the night he saved me the second time.

I went dress shopping in Port Angeles with Angela and Jessica. I didn't plan to go to prom, but Angela begged for me to go with her, so I did. I wandered off and tried to find the used bookstore. I ended up lost and in a dark alley, surrounded by several guys that wanted us to, in their words, 'get to know each other better.' I was scared until I felt the slight hum and electric snap that usually happened when Edward was around. I turned to see his Volvo pull up close to the circle. Once again, he was there to protect me.

After the guys scattered, he drove me back to town and we ate dinner. Well, I ate dinner, he watched me. Edward finally spilled a few of his secrets. He could read minds, at least every mind except mine. That was how he knew where I was. He read the minds of the other people around me; if they saw me in their mind's eye, he was able to track me through their thoughts. It probably should have freaked me out, but it didn't. I could see the care and concern in his face. It only made me want him more.

That night, after a dream, several things Jacob said came back to me. I opened my laptop and read all the Quileute legends I could find. It all led me to one conclusion; Edward was a vampire. He had to be, he didn't eat or drink, he didn't go out in sunlight, he had super human speed, and it all pointed in one direction. The thing was I should have been scared to death but I wasn't. All it did was draw me to him even more.

I wanted Edward, no matter the obstacles, and I was willing to do whatever I had to do to be with him. No matter the consequences. I was already in love with him. He fought me on it for a little while, but his attraction for me won out as well. Soon enough we were together every day, almost all day long. He drove me to school. He walked me to each of my classes. He drove me home, and then left for his house for a few hours. At night he would come in through my bedroom window. We would talk until I fell asleep exhausted. On the weekends, when Charlie would work or fish, which was just about every weekend, I would go and spend the day with the Cullen's.

Rosalie was a hard sell, she didn't like me. Well, actually she didn't like the possibilities I represented. I could out them all because I knew their secret. Emmett and Alice both embraced me with open arms, literally. Carlisle and Esme accepted me because they could see how attached Edward and I both were. I almost felt like a part of the family. It was nice, normal and I wanted it all the more.

Edward and I spent plenty of hours wrapped in each other's arms, but it never went too far with our making out. I remember the first time he ever kissed me. He had snuck in my window for the first time. His sweet face looked so happy to be there with me. I was happy to have him. We talked openly about his age and how he became a vampire. He also told me about the era he was from and his real parents.

His lips slid against mine and it was Heaven, well as close to Heaven as I would get here on Earth. Unfortunately, as soon as it started, it stopped abruptly. He had jumped backwards across the room, away from me.

From that day on, we played a game of waiting, cat and mouse. I tried to trap him and make him give in; he pulled away at the last second and promised we would someday. When we were married he would say. That word should scare the hell out of me at my age, but it didn't. It seemed perfect when his lips spoke it. It was official; I was head over heels for him.

Just before school ended, we went out to play baseball and met a few other vampires. They heard the noise and recognized it for what it really was, so they stopped by. It turned out one of the vampires liked me more than the game. He stalked us all over the place and caught up with me when I ran to Phoenix. Edward and his family rushed in at the last possible moment and saved me. Emmett and Jasper, with Alice's help, killed him. Unfortunately, his mate ran off. I had a hard time when I tried to explain that one to my mom and dad, but with Carlisle's help, it worked out and I stayed on in Forks; even though Renee wanted me to move with her and Phil.

Edward and my lives settled into a little routine together. We finished the school year and spent as much time together as we could. He threw me across his back and we ran all over the woods around Forks. We climbed trees and settled in to talk, thirty feet off of the ground. We frolicked in this meadow and talked some more. It was the most peaceful I had ever been. I was finally happy.

Our senior year started out uneventful. I looked forward to my birthday, and if I had any say in it, it would be my last birthday. I _wanted_ Edward to change me, I _wanted_ to become like him. I knew the consequences and the lasting effects of my decision, but I didn't care. Somewhere along the line in my life, I'd heard the statement, 'I'd rather have a few minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.' It rang true for me. Since he could live an eternity, I wanted an eternity with him.

He warned me of the things I would give up. I told him all of those were things life may choose to take away from me at a moment's notice anyway. I mean honestly, my life, my parents life, all could be gone without a single hesitation. I could plan for every scenario and still not have it end up the way I wanted. So I'd rather roll the dice and play the game where I knew my odds were at least somewhat in my favor. Edward did not understand this line of logic.

Just to make sure, I talked to each and every member of the Cullen family. I asked their regrets, their joys and for the best advice they could give me. When I made a list, I compiled each pro and each con. By the time I was done, I was still firm in my resolve I wanted to become a vampire and spend the rest of my life beside Edward.

We argued over this, we fought over it really. It was safe to say this was the biggest issue of discontent in our relationship. Well, that and the fact Edward would not make out with me. He would but not heavily. He always pulled back at the last moment and slowed our kisses to a nice easy pace. I wanted his body almost as much I wanted to be his mate. He was as firm with this resolve, as he was with his not changing me idea.

We ignored each of these two issues and we were just fine. That was until the day of my birthday.

I woke to several presents on my bed, wrapped beautifully in silver and blue packages. Each had a large bow and were, without a doubt, professionally wrapped. Edward and Alice both waited for me to wake and open them. I knew without question there would be a fancy designer outfit to wear to school today. I wanted to protest but why bother? Alice would just convince me to wear it anyway, so I decided to save myself the time and trouble. From Edward's box, I pulled out a pretty sweater in royal blue, Edward's favorite color on me, and a pair of dark wash jeans. Alice's gift contained platform shoes that matched my sweater, jewelry, and a new purse. I thanked them both and kissed Edward's cheek for his gift. Both of them stood in shock. I do have to admit that was not like me at all. But I wanted Edward to see I could compromise, so maybe that would encourage him to reconsider a little bit and compromise himself.

At school, Jasper handed me a small wrapped box and I quickly shoved it in my backpack. I didn't want anyone here at Forks High to know it was my birthday. That was part of my compromise with Alice, she got to throw me a party and I got a quiet day at school. We both counted it a win for our team. Jasper's smile was fairly large as he just walked away from me. Thankfully, this year Rose and Emmett were at college so I didn't have to deal with Emmett and the big fuss he would have made at school about it. I wasn't sure he would have been able to hold it all in, he would have spilled the secret for sure!

In biology, under the cover of my lab desk, I opened Jasper's gift. It was a locket pin. It was inlaid with Jade and had my initials overlaid in gold script. It was beautiful. I pulled my phone out and sent him a quick text.

**J~The locket is beautiful, I can't say thank you enough! I love it :) Bella**

I got a text back before it would have been humanly possible to type it out, but this was a vampire so it seemed perfectly acceptable.

**B~ You are more than welcome! Glad you like it! ~JW**

I made my way out to Edward's Volvo so he could take me home. I knew he wouldn't be able to stay with me today as Alice had demanded he head home to help her set up for the party. He would arrive back at my house to pick me up at six sharp. All per Alice's instructions, as no one was brave enough to go against her word. No one!

Edward held my hand as he drove me home. He placed a small kiss against my knuckles before he got out and made his way around the car to open my door. I noticed the smile on his face and realized he took longer than usual to get to me. I knew better than to question him. He never revealed anything he didn't want to, and if he wanted to reveal it, he would without my questions, so I held them in.

"Hey." He turned me to look at him on the top step of my front porch, "I'll be back in a few hours. Go in and relax, run a hot bath, make yourself all up for Alice and get dressed. Okay?" He kissed my lips lightly.

"Sure thing." I kissed him again.

"I'll be back at six to collect you." He turned to walk back down the stairs to leave me.

I watched him go and then made my way inside the house. I had lots of time and not much to do with it, so I went upstairs to take a bath like Edward suggested. I figured it might help settle my nerves. For some reason I felt off today, and I chalked it up to it being my birthday, but now I wasn't sure about that. It seemed like more but I had no proof.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Did the banner give you any clues? Till next time...**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Not much to say here really, thanks to all of you that read, review, alert or fav this story! I appreciate you all : ) A big fat thanks to mamadog93 for the plot, and to Twistar Junkie and Shadowed by Passion for their awesome beta jobs! Another huge thanks to all the friends I have made along the way of this crazy adventure, you all mean the world to me! **

**Playlist: Not Meant to Be(Acoustic)-Theory of a Deadman, Say It to Me Now-Glen Hansard, Leave-Glen Hansard, Is It Over Yet-Wynonna Judd, In God's Hands-Nelly Furtado feat. Keith Urban, Cry- Kelly Clarkson, Dead But Breathing-Lesley Roy**

**There are two outfits over on Polyvore to go with this chapter so take a look over there to see them~ http(:)/www(.)polyvore(.)com/love_death_birth/collection?id=1477956 **

**Oh one more thing...even tho I am sticking really close to her plot line right now, I do not own Twilight, it's characters or anything else associated with it, Stephanie Meyer does. I don't own the songs that I listed above either. I think you all know this already but just in case. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 4<p>

Charlie stopped by on his dinner break and presented me with the presents from him and my mom. Charlie picked out a camera with a printer; Renee gave me a scrapbook and a new Kindle. She knew my fondness of reading, so I guess it was a perfect gift for me. I was so thankful to have parents that understood me and gave me free reign to be myself.

Right after Charlie left to finish out his shift, Edward showed up at the house, punctual as always. Our ride was filled with chatter between us, mostly about the new songs we heard on the radio. All too soon, we were at his house. Any hopes of a small birthday party were squashed when I noticed the balloons and lights lined the driveway. They started far enough back from the road as to not attract any attention from a motorist that drove down the near-by highway, but still enough to embarrass the hell out of me.

The house was almost as bad. It was filled with flower arrangements and candles lit on every single flat surface. Streamers and balloons filled the living room, and in the corner sat a large table. It held a cake big enough to feed about forty people, even though I would be the only one to eat a single bite of it. Everything was elegant and understated- absolute perfection- but way too much for me. I never liked a fuss made over me; it embarrassed me to be put on display. Alice, God bless her, tried to abide by this but she just couldn't. She was an all or nothing kind of girl, it was like I asked her not to breathe air when you said tone things down. As much as I understood her need to overdo things, I still got embarrassed.

Carlisle and Esme both approached me and gave me hugs. Each one offered a few words to atone for Alice's exuberance. I offered a smile in return because I understood. Emmett handed me a fairly large box, which was surprisingly light for its size. I shook it, and he laughed at my confusion. "Get upset all you want; it's already installed in your truck, so I can't take it back. Besides, it would be the newest and best part of that truck." I turned to look over my shoulder at him and demanded one thing of him.

"Don't hate on the truck." The entire room snickered and Emmett laughed as well. He always could take a joke well.

Next, Rosalie stepped forward and handed me a long flat box. Her face clearly showed she had better things to do at this moment in time than to be here, right now. "Alice picked it out, it's a necklace." I took it and offered my thanks to her. She stepped away and put her hand on Emmett's chest. I was struck with how close she was to him when she seemed almost incapable of a relationship with anyone else.

Alice handed me Carlisle and Esme's gift, to Carlisle offered me a small explanation. "Just a little something to brighten your day."

Esme add to his statement. "You've been looking a little pale lately."

As I slipped my finger beneath the thick silver paper and slid it outward, a small amount of pain accompanied the actual slice in my finger. At first, it seemed like no big deal until it began to pour blood. I realized this was not a good thing in any way with a room full of vampires, especially ones that struggled to stave off the blood of humans. I looked up to see a crazed look in Jasper's eyes. I understood the phrase, out of their mind with lust, because I could see the physical manifestation of that exact statement, only it was a blood lust and not a sexual lust.

Several things happened at once. Jasper advanced on me, Edward shoved me out of the way, and Emmett and Carlisle advanced on Jasper. Rose looked smugly at me, and Alice looked panicked. I noticed all of this as I flew through the air towards the back wall of the living room, courtesy of Edward's shove to get me out of the way of Jasper's advance. It was funny the things you noticed at the oddest times.

Alice attempted to calm Jasper, while Carlisle and Emmett held him until she realized how much blood had been spilled by me. Carlisle was immediately at my side, and his cold hands seemed to stem the flow from my arm. The room emptied almost immediately; the last three occupants were Edward, Carlisle and me. Carlisle encouraged Edward to go and speak to Jasper as he took me to his office to stitch me up.

Carlisle's office was dark and warm as I sat upon the edge of his desk while he stitched me up. We spoke about many things; but our topics included the reason why Edward seemed to be so opposed to my change. Turns out he wanted to save my soul, he was convinced as a vampire his soul was damned to Hell, therefore he was against my change. I argued this fact on so many different levels with Carlisle and he agreed with me, but he respected Edward's opinion on the subject. It was a stalemate at this point in time; but it would be a subject we would revisit later, when the time came.

The ride back to my house was even quieter than the ride to the Cullen's earlier in the evening. The air was stiff and seemed to wrap around my neck and strangle me. It took away my ability to speak, and it scared me because I really just wanted to beg Edward for some answers. He had yet to tell me how any of his family was after the incident. I ached with the guilt I had caused the entire thing; but it only gave me another weapon to use in my arsenal of reasons to change me.

When we pulled up in front of my house, I decided this was my last chance to discuss things with him. I didn't want any more distance between us, I wanted this all cleared up. I opened my mouth to speak. "Hey, about tonight…I think this was actually a good thing. I mean look at it this way…"

Edward's finger over my lips stopped my speech. "Let's not, not tonight, okay?"

I nodded.

The large sigh that heaved from his mouth sounded so resigned and sad. It seemed absurd that a sigh displayed emotions, but it did. He stepped out his door and flashed around the front of the car to open my door for me. I stepped out and winced at the pain that shot through my arm. Edward flinched along with me.

We walked in silence up the walkway. When I stopped at the front door and reached for the key over the eaves, Edward already had it in his hand and unlocked the door for me. I stepped just inside the door and turned back to face him. "It's still my birthday, right?" His eyes finally left his shoes and met with mine. He nodded and held my gaze. "Then I can ask for something?" He nodded again. "Kiss me?" I asked, hesitantly.

He leaned forward and his cold lips grazed mine. Tentative at first, then bolder and more sure of himself. His lips tangled with mine, and our tongues danced along each other's with the right amount of passion to ignite the fire with in me. I pulled him closer and winced at the pain in my arm again. Edward pulled away immediately.

"You should go inside and get some rest. It's late." He stepped away and turned to walk down the sidewalk without a proper goodbye. His strange behavior left me dazed and confused. It was not like Edward at all. I knew tonight was a strain on him, so I complied. My wish was to make his night easier. He would laugh and scoff at me if I had even voiced that thought aloud, so I kept it inside and walked away. That night Edward did not visit my room to stay with me like he usually did.

The next morning he wasn't at school; neither was Alice. I felt alone, scared and off center. It was like a moment when you know something big has happened but you seemed to be the only one that knew it. Everyone else chatted and joked and played around like it was any other normal day. It wasn't, I was sure of that much.

I drove into the driveway of my house and almost hopped around like a bunny when I saw Edward there. He stood out at the fringes of my back yard, right at the tree line. My loneliness rushed over me as I realized this was the longest I had ever gone without seeing him since the first night he climbed into my window. I longed for that night now. I longed for the freedom of the ability to do it all over again and make different choices. I wanted it to end differently, to not have the mistakes of last night that hung over us, to know our pitfalls and to help us avoid them.

I had a long list of wants I would redo, if I had the chance. I wanted to not go to play baseball that night, to not have Edward constantly worried Victoria would come back to Forks, and certainly, to not be here today with Edward as he stood what felt like a million miles apart from me with that look on his face. The look told me the sinking feeling I carried all day was right, I was right, something was going to change today.

I almost ran back to my truck and pulled away. I could go down to La Push; Edward wouldn't follow me there. He couldn't. But I knew running was _not_ the way to escape it all. I had to hear him out, to listen and then help him form a plan as to what we would do about it.

So instead of running, I marched toward him. I would face this head on like an adult, not like a child. We were a team and we would get through this. At least that was the motivational speech that flowed around in my brain as I made my way across the yard to Edward.

"Hi," I whispered when I finally was close enough.

"Walk with me?" he asked.

I just nodded and he turned to walk back into the woods. It was an overcast day and there was no chance of him being in the sunlight, so I had no idea why we needed to move back into the tree cover, but I followed anyway.

When Edward finally stopped, he turned to speak to me. "Bella, we have to go, we have to leave Forks." His voice was flat and lifeless.

"Uhhh…well, okay, I thought this through several times and worried about this exact scenario when Victoria was never found. I worried this would happen. I don't really have a story to tell Charlie, but maybe Alice could help me come up with one. I mean she would most likely see when I decided to tell him and she would know if it will work. But I do have to grab a few things from my room too, so let's head back…" His hand came up to cover my lips and stop the word vomit that fell from my mouth. I took a moment to inhale a deep breath because my speech to Edward had left me slightly out of breath and lightheaded.

"Bella, not you. Us. We have to go," he clarified.

"Oh, uh…what?" My brain did not process his exact words; it was almost like he spoke a foreign tongue to me.

"Bella, you need to stay here in Forks, with Charlie. We can't take you with us, you need to stay," he said with a certain amount of finality to his voice, but I refused to be left behind. He would not make this about my soul, not again.

"Edward, if this is about my soul then take it, I don't want it without you!" I shouted.

He shook his head and held his hand up to stop me. "Bella, I can't take you with me, I _don't want you_ with me. I knew it was hopeless to try to mate with a human, I knew it would never work out between us." He stepped back from me and I saw the finality in his eyes.

"Is this about what happened with Jasper?" I begged for an answer.

"No, you just don't belong in my world, Bella."

I rushed to stop his line of thought. "I belong with you, we belong together, you said so yourself."

"No, you don't." He looked different, his voice sounded different, he was not my Edward. Something had definitely changed in him, and I didn't know how to fix it, how to get it back to the way it used to be. I was lost. Blindsided.

"I'm coming with you," I stated, he just needed time to see this was the right thing and he was too caught up in his mind to realize that right now. Later he would be thankful I came with him.

"I don't want you to come." His eyes flashed anger and hatred for a small second before they returned to normal.

I reached for him as he turned to walk away. "Don't," I spoke as he left. My mind whirled and stumbled upon itself as I tried to grasp what just happened and how to fix it. How to make it right? I darted off into the woods closer to where I last saw him.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:This is the last chapter that will be strictly canon, the rest will start the deviation into my own story. So now a question for you, what song makes you think of the scene in New Moon? I have several but I'd like to hear yours, please! Leave me some love and let me know what you think.**

**Till next time...**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I can't say thank you enough for your continued support! I was so surprised at the love for the mostly canon plot that I have had so far! This chapter starts out that way and then takes a turn about half way through to new stuff. I hope you like my new stuff just as much! Thanks to mamadog93 for the plot ideas and for holding my hand, to ttharman and theonlykyla without these two I would be a mess! And to Shadowed by Passion and Twistarjunkie for their awesome beta jobs, you guys rock! **

**Playlist: Hemorrhage (Acoustic)-Fuel, Without You-Dixie Chicks, Wanted You More-Lady Antebellum, Forever-Rascal Flatts, Breathe-Melissa Etheridge, Lost- Little Big Town, A Little Bit Stronger- Sara Evans Those are the songs that I listened to when I wrote this!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

My jacket wasn't thick and it occurred to me I should feel the cold down to my bone. I should've also felt the rain but I didn't; not really. I felt them, but they were more like wisps of dreams that faded away as you woke up. If I tried hard enough I could keep them on the fringes of my mind, but just there on the fringes, never closer.

I stumbled and fell. The soft dirt of the forest stained my jeans and stung my palms as I tried to catch myself. I called out to him again. The scream startled the birds in the trees above me. I watched as they flew away. It crushed my spirit; their presence meant he wasn't close at all. I felt so stupid. Even the animals had enough sense to stay away from him, why didn't I?

The low branches of a tree were my rescuer and allowed me to pull myself up off of the soft, mossy ground. I continued to stumble around the woods. I knew it was stupid to continue, because I couldn't see a thing through the tears in my eyes. I was sure all of my screaming had masked any noise Edward may have mistakenly made with his getaway.

The pain within my chest overrode all of those problems. I felt broke open and knew small pieces of my being fell out with each step. My head wanted to turn and pick them all up again. My heart wept at the loss of the thing it held most dear, the love from Edward. Edward's face passed behind my closed eyelids as I screamed for him again. The sob that followed was made of pure anguish.

When I stumbled again, I fell directly to the forest floor. I curled into a ball and allowed the rain to wash over me. I prayed it would clear my soul and take away his memories, take away all the parts that would hurt me.

This was a goodbye that would break me. This was the goodbye that would end me. His goodbye.

The rain picked up at some point and it soaked me to the bones. My jacket did nothing to stave off the cold, especially since it was also soaked. I held my arms around myself and begged to whatever deity would listen, he would come back to me. I prayed he would see how good we were for each other. I prayed he would see we loved each other, and he wouldn't get far. I knew he wouldn't. I would just wait for him here, for him to rescue me. He had to. He loved me as much as I loved him. So I waited.

The sky darkened and the animals made their way home; the noise of the rain became a constant hum. It made slight ripples in my mind as I continued telling myself Edward would be back soon. How he would take care of me, and we would be fine. I begged for that outcome. I pleaded.

Sam Uley found me in the woods and carried me through the edges of the forest and into my yard. I knew it was mine because I could see my red truck and my dad. Everything else seemed to fade into the darkness.

Edward was gone; he must be, otherwise, he never would have stood for another man to take care of me this way. He never would have allowed Sam to hold me close and comfort me, when what I actually needed the most was him.

My eyes stared straight ahead; they barely had the energy or will to even blink. My breaths were shallow, and I knew I was about to hyperventilate. I just couldn't stop myself. Reality crashed down on me and I still felt just as bad as it did when he spoke the words.

One more goodbye.

This one didn't make sense; this one had no rhyme or reason.

This one set me back.

I never expected it, and I sure didn't see it coming.

I never had time to prepare my heart, to pull away, nor did I have a way to shelter myself in any way from the pain.

This one shattered me.

For three months, I sat and stared out the window. For three months, I walked around like a zombie. I barely ate. I slept when I wasn't woken up by nightmares of things that pulled me out of the woods and attacked me. They pulled my heart out and feasted on it while I watched. I knew that feeling because I had felt it the day he left.

I wrote emails to Alice, but they came back to me via the mail delivery failure system in Gmail. He took everything with him. He took my heart, my reason to live, and my best friend. I didn't even have anyone to help me get through this, to talk about this out with.

I probably would have stayed in my absence-induced stupor if Charlie hadn't threatened to send me to Jacksonville to live with my mom. That scared the hell out of me, because if I went to Jacksonville, then I would most certainly never see him again. I couldn't go away. So, I bluffed my way through a lie with Charlie and promised I would go out with my friends and I would get over him; it was just a slow and painful process.

The next night I drove around and tried to find something to do so Charlie would believe I went out with my friends. I saw two boys push an old motorcycle out to the curb, and I stopped. Why I stopped I had no idea, but I did.

About twenty minutes and one loaded motorcycle, I was on my way to the Reservation.

To the only person I knew would be able to help me fix this broken, unloved motorcycle; Jacob Black.

When I pulled in, he was in his garage. The music blared through the half opened door. I pulled up closer to the garage, and he walked out. When he saw it was me, he ran toward my truck and dragged me out. His large arms wrapped around me as he whirled me in a circle. "Where the hell have you been, girl?"

"Uh, well, busy?" I asked, not sure why I thought he had the answer to my question when I didn't but I certainly hoped someone would eventually be able to offer me something that would explain it to me.

"Well, either way, I'm glad you're here now. What's this?" He tapped the tarp that the boys helped me throw over the motorcycle I rescued. I was compelled to make the dumb piece of scrap metal worth something again.

I whipped the tarp back and showed him the project I hoped he would help me with. I would do anything to take my mind off of my sadness and to make this motorcycle brand new again.

"Uhm, a project? For you and me?" He lifted an eyebrow and I shrugged at him.

"So, you want me to help you fix this bike?" he asked.

I nodded in response.

"Why?" he asked. He stepped closer to me. I felt the warmth that radiated from him. It was nice, almost comfortable.

"Well, it seemed a shame to throw all of this awesomeness away. I mean… it's got a lot of miles left in it, I'm sure." I joked, but I'm pretty sure he saw through me.

He stared at me for a few seconds longer than was necessary; then nodded his head.

"Okay, well then let's get it in the garage" He threw the tarp back and pulled the bike to the edge of the tailgate.

Our routine began. Each afternoon I would head straight to the Res, where Jake and I would rush through our homework. We would then spend the evening in the garage in our attempt to fix the bike. Soon, Jake's friends began to join us. Quil and Embry were a laugh. They each spent the evening trying to one up each other and they bet on _everything_. I had to say it was good for my wallet though, because so far I had won over forty dollars from those two. We bet on everything from how long it would rain, to what color shirt the lady behind the counter at the store wore. It became a game for us.

We worked on the bikes; we had bon fires, and ran wild like monkeys in the zoo. We had a great time. Charlie never even asked questions, because it was so tight knit on the Res. He knew we would never get into any trouble there. I was finally getting out so he was thrilled to say the least.

One night, Jake and I were the last two left down at the beach. I lay back against his chest and watched the stars. He lay propped up on his elbows and this put his face close to mine, especially when I turned to ask him a question. The words stuck in my throat, and all I managed to do was to stare back up at him. I knew I wasn't over Edward, and certainly was not ready to fall into a relationship again; but there was something about the way he looked at me. His eyes were so full of love and I felt so safe with him. To be honest, I had to admit, even if just to me, it felt nice to know someone still wanted me. I was still loveable; even if it wasn't _the someone_ I wanted, it was still _a someone_.

He leaned down and I leaned up, until our lips met. He felt wrong, he felt different and not what my body wanted. He must not have felt the difference because his fingers tangled with my hair, as he pulled me closer to him. I was so close, I practically sat in his lap by the time he was done. Jacob pulled back and smoothed my hair back down across my back. His warm fingertips made me shiver, and he smiled when I wiggled a little with the sensation.

"I should say I'm sorry Bella, but I'm not. I love you. I've loved you ever since you first came to visit the summer when you were about five and you made a mud pie for me." I remembered that year. Renee had a conference to go to, so I stayed the week with Charlie.

Charlie let me eat cake for breakfast and I loved it. I smiled and remembered the day he talked about. Jake and I played in the mud all day and had the time of our lives. Charlie and Billy were bachelors, they would never be able to wash those clothes and get out the stains. So it made sense to just throw them away. They were just ruined, but we had a great time, so no one was pissed about the loss.

"I have to be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready." I bit my lip and glanced down in my lap.

"Hey." He pulled my chin back up and forced me to look at him again. "We have a good thing here. Right?"

I nodded.

"You enjoy the time you spend with me?"

I nodded again.

"Then we just keep doing that and see where it goes okay?"

Once again, I nodded.

"If you ever feel like doing that again, though…you just go right ahead."

I laughed and smacked his chest as I stood to my feet.

That night I dreamt of Edward again; the same dream, of me alone in the woods. A creature ripped my heart out. I could hear it and feel it, but I couldn't see it. This time there was a shadowed figure out on the edges of the dream. He didn't advance towards me, but I saw and felt him all the same. This gave me a small amount of hope. Hope this meant life with Jake could work out. I made up my mind to try, to at least be open to things with Jake. That thought caused me to sob, because even the thought of being with Jake, meant I had to let go of Edward. I wasn't sure I was ready to let him go, just yet. He still took up too much of my heart.

Charlie rushed into the room and held me as I sobbed. He fingered my dream catcher Jake had given me.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" He apparently wanted to talk, so just I nodded. "Hanging out with Jake, it helps, right?"

I nodded again.

"Kiddo, sometimes you gotta learn to love what's good for you, you know?" Charlie offered his advice to me, and I knew this was his way of encouraging me to move on and he was endorsing my moving on with Jake. I just rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. I did like Jake but was it enough?

* * *

><p><strong>EN:I have donated a Menage A Trois outtake (plot courtesy of Beegurl13) to Fandom 4 Autism. Please donate to this awesome cause and reap the benefits of tons of good fiction from some great authors! **

**Banner by Christag- http(:)/s1171(.)photobucket(.)com/albums/r549/Bnjwl_Masen/?action=view¤t=LDB-redeyes(.)png It is fricken awesome, exactly what I wanted! Take a moment to tell her how much you love it! **

**I also posted a set to go with this chapter on polyvore- http(:)/www(.)polyvore(.)com/cgi/collection?id=1477956**

**As always I look forward to your ideas, thoughts, theories, and so on! **

**Till next time...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I can't begin to tell you how all the reviews make me feel! I was so worried about this fic but it seems that all of you are loving it so I will stop worrying now! I say I will anyway :) As far as the reviews, I am so sorry that I have failed in getting back with you all on those. I promise that I read each and every one, in fact I make others read them too. My daughter is sick of hearing about this story, trust me. Thank you for your kind words and wonderful support! I appreciate it. **

**Thanks to my girls~ttharman, theonlykyla, Twistar junkie and Shadowed by Passion. Without you girls this would still be on the laptop and I'd be too scared to post it! To my mamadog- I love you more than words...you are the fourth side to my square! I thank you for trusting me enough with this plot of yours, that overwhelms me that you did! Same neighborhood one day, I swear it! **

**Playlist: What's Left-3 Doors Down, Breakeven-The Script, Best I'll Ever Be-Sister Hazel, Still Holding Out for You-SheDaisy, Without You- James Durbin, How Can You Mend A Broken Heart- Michael Buble**

**Now, on with it...**

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

I began to realize if I didn't think about things, I didn't remember what I had…then my life was good. But the moment Edward's name would pass through my mind, nothing was good enough, and I realized Jacob paled in comparison to him.

That killed me. I should leave and give Jacob a chance for a real life, for a chance at a real love. I knew this, but somehow the fact he held me together, kept me there with him. I was selfish, and I should be ashamed of my decisions but I wasn't. I could only be thankful, when I was with Jake, I was a different person and I didn't think of who I had been with Edward. So I clung, pitifully, to Jacob and thanked God for some reason Jake loved me and wanted to be with me.

I hung out less and less with my friends from school and more and more with the people out on the reservation. In fact, more often than not, I ended up there after school. Charlie didn't call to ask anymore, he just came to Billy's for dinner. It made sense for me to cook there and feed all four of us instead of at my house where I only fed Charlie and myself.

The whole change of scenery was perfect; nothing about the reservation reminded me of Edward or Alice, so I was fairly safe.

Billy and Charlie were like fat cats in a creamery with their happiness over the new relationship between Jake and me.

School went fine, and nothing really changed. I had pulled away slowly when Alice and Edward were still here, so it was nothing to make the final pull. I showed up each day just to finish out my school year, and that was it. Many times, I had thought about a move to Billy's house on the reservation, so I could finish school there. It would be so much easier, but it would leave Charlie alone, and Billy really didn't have the room in his house for me. It had been just a few months at this point anyway.

This started me thinking about what I would do after high school. My whole plan was to come here, graduate, and head off to college. Now, I wasn't so sure. The next afternoon, I had the chance to ask Jake his ideas on things.

"Hey, you know I will finish with school soon, right?"

He just laughed and shrugged it off. "Yeah, yeah, rub it in again! I told you I'm still older than you, no matter what my birth certificate says." He took the chance to get a few tickles into my sides where he knew it would get to me the most.

I backed away and sobered a little. "Yeah, but I have to go to school somewhere and before that was no big deal. I was excited to go, but now…" I left the sentence to hang. I'd let him draw his own conclusions.

"Bells, you will still go. Just because college isn't for me, doesn't mean you shouldn't go. In fact, I demand you go. It's not long and will be such a small price to pay for your future," as he spoke, every single word was backed up in his eyes. I saw the truth and honesty of his words written there.

"Okay." He pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. After our first kiss, we hadn't really shared a real kisses as of yet. I think he waited for me to show him a sign I was ready. I'm sure one day I would be, just not yet. I was happy with the small kisses to my cheek, nose, or head he gave me. And in return, I allowed his hands to be in contact with my body without any fuss over the gesture. Jacob loved to touch with small innocent touches, and in a way, it grounded me. It reminded me of where I was and who I was with. Jacob's hand was warm and offered me a great comfort just because of its vast difference from the cold hard touch of Edward's hand. I never forgot who I was and who I was with when Jacob touched me.

Over and over again my mind asked if it was wrong for being there with him. Was I selfish? Did I harm Jacob in any way by this pretend life I lived with him?

Jacob noticed my focused look and asked me about it. "Hey, what's got you thinking so hard?" He smoothed the hair off of my shoulder and smiled at me.

I smiled at him, while I decided if I should tell him the truth. I decided we needed to be completely honest with each other. Even if it pushed either of us away, we had nothing without the honesty between us.

"I uhm…I just wondered if I was selfish because I stayed with you. I know that several of your friends have expressed their doubts about my worth as your girlfriend." I sighed.

"Bella, we make our rules. Not any of them, okay? We both know the in's and out's of our relationship, so don't let them make you doubt us. We're good." He kissed my nose and smiled.

"I just worry you should be with someone who is passionately in love with you, someone who could give you everything you deserve." I continued even though I know he considered the conversation through.

"Bella, you've said your peace and I've said mine. I know how you feel, and I have told you I'm willing to take the chance, so stop. You can't scare me off, okay?" He smiled, and I realized he really was beautiful.

I smiled back and nodded.

It seemed Jacob settled the matter in his mind. He would take what I'd give him, and I guess it was not up to me to tell him how to live his life. I couldn't decide for him; that would be wrong on my part. I would take what life had given me and be happy with it.

Jake and I enjoyed our time together with all the other kids we hung out with. There was always plenty to do around there. We even put in our fair share of community service. Several of the elders in the tribe needed things done around their homes, and they were too old to do them, so Jake and several of the boys went over to help.

We sat around one Saturday morning as we waited for Embry to get there to go with us. The phone rang, and Billy answered it. A few minutes later, he came out into the living room where we all sat. "You guys go on ahead 'cause Embry has mono and won't be around to help you all." Billy nodded and moved his wheelchair back towards the kitchen where he stayed most days.

That left Seth, Leah, Jake, Quil and me. It was more than enough to help Big Quil move around his furniture and paint two rooms. We would certainly miss Embry though. Embry had become my betting partner. He was terrible at it, but he still bet me every chance he got anyway.

We didn't see Embry for three more weeks. I was worried, but Jake and the other boys all said mono had made its way around the reservation; several other boys had caught it this year as well. It lasted for about three to four weeks. Jake was often angry and on edge several times during Embry's absence, but I chalked it up to the fact that he missed him. I didn't understand the bond between all of these guys. I had moved around so much that the only two people I knew for more than a year or two were my parents; but these guys had been together their entire lives. So, to have one of them absent for several weeks was a huge absence to be felt by the group.

I just hoped Jake had not contracted mono, because I was sure I could not go three to four weeks without him. I secretly crossed my fingers for him to escape the dreaded illness.

Embry had been gone from our group for exactly three weeks when I encouraged Jake to call and find out if we could bring him some soup to help him feel better. Embry's father assured us he was almost well and would be fine. So, instead, Jake and I took off for First Beach.

About halfway there, we passed Sam Uley and a group of boys. They were poised and ready to dive off of the cliffs. We had seen it done a ton of times but never off of this particular cliff, and never from this high up. Jake and I both stopped to watch the craziness. The third person to dive caused a gasp to escape from Jake's mouth; it was Embry. The same person had been laid up for three weeks with mono now there he stood ready to jump from a steep cliff into the water.

Jake jumped back in my truck and drove us back to Sam's yard. We waited until all the guys came out of the woods. They were all half dressed and laughed with each other. That was until they saw Jake and me as we sat on the tailgate of the truck. Embry was the last one to notice us. He spoke to Jake and me when he did see us. "Hey, guys, what brings you here?" He looked nervous and glanced to Sam several times. It was almost like he needed Sam's approval for us to be here or something. Jake stood up and stepped towards Embry. I could feel the anger as it rolled off of him.

I stepped behind Jake and rested my forehead in the middle of his back. I wanted to be there to support him, yet not get in his way, all at the same time. Jake's hand reached back and rested on my hip.

"So, where you been Embry, cause your dad said you were sick, but you uh…don't look sick."

I saw Embry cringe and step back at Jake's words. I saw it as plainly as if he had spoken. He lied. None of the whole sickness thing was true. Embry's body language clearly shouted it to anyone who was able to see the signs.

Embry met Sam's eyes again, and Sam gave some sort of a half shake of his head as he furrowed his brows.

Embry turned back to Jake. "So, what? Man, look every so often a person needs a change, so let it go. I'll be back soon enough. Just let me be for now, and later on we can hang with each other again." Embry stepped up toe to toe with Jake, and I noticed he seemed taller. The last time I saw them side by side, Jake had several inches on Embry but not today; Embry was clearly taller.

I almost snorted out loud. It scared the hell out of me as to what Embry and Sam were into that would cause that kind of a growth in that short amount of time. I pulled Jake backwards as Embry spoke. I wanted out of there and now. I didn't want this to come down to a fight, we were out-numbered and now everyone else was bigger than Jake.

"So that's it, you just gonna give up a lifetime of friendship? For what? A few thrills with these guys, the very guys we made fun of a few weeks ago?" Jake's voice was strange, as it held a small growl and was extremely angry. Like I said, I couldn't understand this worry since I never got attached to most of my friends, so it was totally foreign.

"Come on, Jake, let's go." I pulled his hand again, but he refused to budge.

Jake's body began to shake, hard, like he was in the middle of an earthquake.

Paul just laughed. "I knew he was close to it."

The rest of the group sprung into action as he said this. I was picked up and pulled onto the porch about fifteen feet away from Jake. Paul had stepped forward and pushed him around a few more times until Jake reared back and seemed to snap in half. His body flashed and transformed into a large wolf right before my eyes.

My eyes opened wide in shock and I realized, as spots began to spear before my eyes, I had held my breath. I knew any second I would pass out.

At that moment, everything went black.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: So...are you liking or not liking it still? Do you think she is going to be okay with Jacob?**

**There is a polyvore set to go with this chapter here is a link for you (you'll have to copy and paste it tho-take out the parenthesis to make it work) http(:)/www(.)polyvore(.)com/cgi/collection?id=1477956**

**You tell me your theories and I'll be the happiest person on earth, how is that for a trade off?**

**Till next time...**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Your continued support blows me away! I can't say thank you enough, and know that I read each and every review...I don't always have the chance to get back to you but I do read them! I squeal and sigh and giggle and all when I do. My teenager laughs at me when I make her read them, she could care less, but she humors me cause I have the car keys and the bank card. Anyway...I do appreciate you and love to hear from you! **

**Thanks to my girls...without you I would be lost and alone! Mamadog93, ttharman, theonlykyla, Shadowed by Passion, and Twistar Junkie. I love you all more than words can say :) **

**Playlist: Good Morning Heartache-Gretchen Wilson, I Can't Go There- Kenny Chesney, Easy- Rascal Flatts & Natasha Beddingfield, The Truth (featuring Pat Monahan)- Kris Allen~this last song is exactly how Bella feels, so youtube it so you can hear the song!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 7<p>

Bella

When I came to, I was in my bed at my house with Emily and Charlie by my side. Neither of them realized I had come to yet, as they continued to speak amongst themselves.

"Yeah, her mom would pass out every so often, something about collar cells and all. I can't quite remember, as that was so long ago." Emily nodded her head like Charlie held the secrets to cancer and several other illnesses the world suffered from.

"Well, you know teen-aged girls, they don't eat or drink enough, and they burn off all of their sugar with all the activities they participate in. I'm sure she'll be fine in a few minutes." Emily's eyes met mine, and she gave me a look that spoke volumes. She begged me to not speak of what I had seen or what had actually caused my episode. I gave a slight nod, and Emily took it upon herself to point it out to Charlie I was now awake. "Oh, look, she's awake now." She smiled and patted my leg.

"Hey, Bells, you doing okay?" I nodded at Charlie and attempted to sit up slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just embarrassed, that's all." My face heated up, and I knew I wore my tell tale blush.

"Well, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't scare the daylights out of your old man that way ever again." His eyes held relief that warped into love. He patted my leg and rose up off of the bed. "I'll leave you two alone, I have to get back to work now. Emily has agreed to stay with you until I get back home, okay?" I just nodded and he turned to Emily. "You need anything?"

"Nah, we'll be fine. We'll just spend a little girl time and braid each other's hair or something." She chuckled and patted my hand.

"Okay, well you know where to find me; I could get away at any time, if you need me." I nodded and noticed Emily did as well. We both chuckled that our actions matched each other's.

When Charlie left, I realized that my head was about to explode with all the information I had just taken in over the course of one night. I sat back and tried to slow my brain down. I knew my thoughts rushed around too quickly and probably wouldn't make much sense at this rate. I thought about what I needed to know first.

"Did I really see what I thought I saw out there?" My thumb swung over my shoulder to indicate the past hour on the res.

Emily just nodded at me.

"How…I mean, wha…really?" My voice rose and squeaked on the last word.

Emily took a deep breath and held my hand. "Bella, I'm about to tell you some history on our tribe. You think you're up to it?"

My mind still felt like it was in the twisting winds of a tornado. "I…I guess so."

Emily laughed again and leaned in closer to me. Her hand still held mine, but her other arm rested on her knee. She was the picture of relaxed, and it helped ease me a little to see her so worry-free.

"This is normally Sam's responsibility- or at the very least Jake's- but the entire pack thought it might come better from me. For years and years, we've been told our tribe descends from wolves- that we held a special ability to shift shapes. The elders even had stories that told of the times when this happened. They were attacked by the cold ones, and the men of the tribe were so hell bent on protecting their women and children, they shifted into a wolf shape and killed the cold one."

I tensed at her words.

She chuckled and laughed. "Don't worry; their secret is safe for now."

Her words confirmed the pack knew about the Cullens and fear entered my mind until I remembered her words again.

I took a deep breath and she continued. "We didn't come across any vampires for many years, so the stories took on more of a story quality and less of a legend, so to speak. Then several generations ago, several of our boys began to transform again. We wondered what this meant, but soon learned as we came across a few vampires as they hunted in the forest. Only they hunted animals. We had never seen their kind before, and our Chief stopped to talk to their leader. Carlisle explained they didn't harm humans in any way. In fact, they fought to protect them at all costs. Their diet consisted of animal blood only."

I smiled as I once again appreciated the kindness of Carlisle Cullen. He was the epitome of a truly unselfish person.

"We trusted them and made a pact with them. We divided the countryside and gave each side equal amounts of land. They wouldn't infringe on our lands, and we would extend the same courtesy to them as well. But this taught us a valuable lesson; our pack only changes when a vampire is in our area." She took a deep breath and sat up, her eyes filled with sadness as she spoke again. "This treaty has lasted for close to eighty years, but now a vampire has chosen to break this sacred pact. We were very intrigued when we found out the Cullens had been back in the area for a few years and had not affected us, but then all of the sudden the boys began to phase again. First Sam, then other's followed, all the way up to Jake's transformation today. We think it's because a vampire has been on our lands and threatens us. That is why we feel the need to protect our tribe. So here we are, with a rogue vampire on the loose, a pack of shape shifting wolves, and you in the midst of it all." She chuckled and so did I.

"Well, you know it's not the Cullens, right? 'Cause trust me; they're gone. And even if they weren't, if Carlisle made a pact, there's no way on earth he would ever go against it. So that only leaves one other vampire." My eyes filled with fear as I came to this startling conclusion, they must have because Emily's naturally tanned skin paled as well and she stood abruptly.

"Let's get you back out to the res to tell the boys what you know."

I slid my feet into my Chuck's and followed Emily; she drove and it was probably a good idea. Because while on the outside I looked calm on the inside, I was a freaked out mess. Emily stopped in her front yard, and I heard a succession of wolf yelps. Several, in fact. That seemed to be the way they greeted each other. Emily smiled at the obviously familiar sounds to her, and I saw she took this life with the wolf pack on just as easily as I took on the vampire lifestyle. She was truly in love with Sam and would accept any obstacles he brought with him. I understood the predicament. I felt it for not one, but two boys in my life; one more than the other but two for sure.

Several boys ran by me. The group included Embry, who stopped to ask if I was all right. Paul also stopped and apologized for the traumatic way I found out. I pushed his shoulder and we were all good.

Sam came in behind Paul and commented as well. "Jake's right; you're good with weird." I just chuckled because it was true.

"Yeah, well, you're not the first monsters I've come across." Just then I noticed Jake as he stood tentatively in the doorway of Emily's house. I made my way to him. When we were alone on the porch he pulled me into an embrace and swung me around.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I had no idea about these things. I really thought it was a myth. I never would have dragged you into this had I known. I swear." His face was twisted in pain, and his eyes held the beginnings of tears. I wiped them away and kissed his nose.

"Hey, it's all good. We step into things before we realize what the hell they are sometimes, right?" He just nodded, and we walked back inside.

The boys all sat at a large dining room table, and Emily waved her hand at Jake and me to indicate that we should sit to eat with them. Jake turned to me to gauge my thoughts on it, so I sat down on the end of the bench type seat at the table with the rest of them.

After the meal was devoured, those boys sure could eat, the talk turned back to the vampire issue, and I offered my opinions on their intruder.

"Well, I know it's not any of the Cullens. They're all long gone and have been for awhile now, but I do know who it might be." I looked around the room, and Sam seemed to hold his breath but he nodded at me to continue. "Victoria." I explained the whole story about her mate and how the Cullen's killed him when he came after me. Jake's chest vibrated with a low growl, and Sam gave him a pointed look. Jake stopped the growl and I began to talk again. "It's revenge she wants plain and simple."

Paul spoke his brilliant, and yet hurtful, words all at the same time, "but doesn't she know he dumped you and you've moved on?" His hand lifted a muffin from the platter and deposited it back onto his plate before he noticed the silence and looked around the room. When his gaze caught mine he stopped and reality crashed down on him. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. I just spoke without thinking; I didn't mean it that way." He looked pained at his faux pas, so I just waved him off.

"It's not your fault, Paul; it's his, so no need to apologize at all. You didn't mean it that way, I understand."

Sam began to speak before anything else could be said. "He does have a point, Bella, why would she still want you when you are no longer Edward's mate?" My insides clinched at the words, _Edward's mate_.

"I don't know; maybe she thought the fact that Edward left was a trick to fool her?"

Jake looked proud his woman could hold intelligent conversation with the tribe and not embarrass him. Much less the fact I could provide useful information, in fact, I was the _only_ person that could provide the info they needed. We talked into the wee hours of the night, and Jake drove me home.

He crashed on my couch until Charlie got home. His new goal was to never leave me unattended now that he knew Victoria was after me. He wanted to be the one to protect me, and it was really easy to fall into a routine with him. So to see him a little more often was no skin off of my back.

The entire pack took up the 'Babysit Bella' plan. They took turns of who would stay close to my house. They could smell a vampire several miles away, so they would stop her before she got to me or any other residents of Forks. Whatever it took to keep me safe. They divided the pack in half and took shifts. I loved that Jake was nearby, but he had to be exhausted after all of the late night runs and extra patrols he had to make. Funny thing was, he loved it. He even said he was surprised at how well he took to it. It was kind of funny since he made fun of Sam and the first few guys that phased. I made sure to tell that joke each and every time I got the chance. They all teased him relentlessly about it.

Several months had passed and there was no hope of catching Victoria at all. Well there were signs of her everywhere, but she was never close enough for the pack to catch and kill her. Sam and Jake were anxious at this point because I was due to graduate in two days, and when I went off to UDub in Seattle, it would be harder for them to follow and protect me. It would also be hard to explain to Charlie why Jake, in love or not, would quit high school and follow his girlfriend off to college. Especially when Jake wouldn't be finished with school for a whole year. I didn't admit it to anyone, but I was afraid myself. I was afraid to be alone because of Victoria, and afraid to be without Jake, afraid to be attacked. I was just afraid; period.

Jake became my rock, my safe place, and my everything. Now, don't get me wrong, Edward was still my one and only love, but Jake and his pack made my life easy to forget the Cullens for a few hours. For that I was thankful beyond belief.

I decided we would cross the college bridge when we got there because for, now, we needed to work out the plan to kill Victoria, so we never had to worry about her again. The guys planned a sneak attack on her; they would lure her with my blood and then kill her. They didn't want me there for fear something could go wrong; they just wanted my blood. So I obliged and stayed home with Emily like a good girl. Seth and Leah, the packs two newest wolves stayed with us. It was better this way anyway. It was time for the annual beach cook out, so we stayed at my house to shop and cook all of the food for the party. Plenty of members of the tribe had moved away came back for the festival. So many I couldn't keep up with their names, just their faces.

I went home to clean up and change because Jake would be back tonight from his trek with the pack. I wanted to see him. He had been gone for three days on the chase after Victoria. It was the longest three days of my life.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: We've got some advancement but never quiet enough, huh? As always there is a polyvore set to go with this, it can be found at http(:)/www(.)/love_death_birth/collection?id=1477956**

**Till next time...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:Just a quick chapter for you all since it is edited and ready! Hope you all enjoy it!Thanks to the team as always, you all mean the world to me! **

**Playlist:Hand Me Down-Matchbox Twenty, I Want to be in Love- Melissa Etheridge, Gardenia-Mandy Moore, Hanging by a Moment-Lifehouse, I Who Have Nothing-Haley Reinhart, Fade Into Me- David Cook**

**Polyvore set is in it's usual place!**

**Go read...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

**Bella**

Jake and the rest of the pack came back from their patrol with nothing, not a single hide nor hair of Victoria. She was out there somewhere, playing them like fools, and this pissed them off all the more so. They were ready to put an end to her if for no other reason than the fact she was a cruel, heartless vampire. They looked forward to that day.

The boys rested for a few hours, and we all were able to party and celebrate on the beach. Charlie joined us when he was done with his shift at the police station. We listened to the stories of the tribe and they were all the more alive, vivid, and detailed now I knew they were all true. Now I had firsthand experience with the actual scenarios, the stories transported me to a whole other place. A place that was happy and all the natural enemies were defeated; a place where everyone lived happily ever after. I took Jake's hand and folded his arm around my body, so I could snuggle into his warm chest. I'm not totally sure if it was for my comfort or for warmth, but either way I liked being wrapped in Jacob's arms. They made me forget.

Charlie caught my eye and winked at me, and the intimate pose I held with Jacob. For a split second I worried, but his relaxed look shot down the worry almost as soon as it appeared. It also helped that as soon as he made eye contact with me, his glance fell on Sue Clearwater, and I saw the same gob smacked look on his face for her. I inwardly chuckled and thought perhaps the timing would be perfect for Charlie and his new crush. Part of me wanted to cringe and bleach my brain as I imagined him with Sue, but the other part of me knew he deserved to be happy. I knew happiness; not only once in my life but twice. I wanted him to be able to enjoy his life with someone who would love and care for him the way he deserved. All too soon, the party winded down and the elders left for their homes. We stayed to clean up and Charlie approached me.

"Hey, kiddo, I'm going to take Billy and Sue home, then I'm gonna head home myself." I wondered if he would leave Sue's immediately, or if he'd stay for a while. "Why don't you stay out here tonight? I mean, it's so late and I know you guys aren't done yet. So stay and come home tomorrow, when you're not so tired, okay?" My mouth fell open in shock.

"Where exactly do you think I should stay?" I asked in shock as Charlie rubbed the back of his neck. I didn't blame him; I felt just as nervous with his suggestion as he probably did when he made it.

"That's up to you to decide, Bells. I mean you are an adult. Hell, for most of your life you've been more mature then your mother or I, so who the hell am I to tell you how to live your life now?" I cringed at his sentiment. He thought Jake and I would have sex, and he more or less gave us his blessing to do so. I panicked at the thought he would picture Jacob and me in the exact positions I pictured him and Sue.

"Hey, I'm a virgin. I don't need to make any decisions; I've already made those. I have decided to wait till I get married." Charlie threw his hands up in front of him and waved them around. I guess he was mature enough to give me the thumbs up in vague terms, but when we specifically speak about the topic, he couldn't take it.

"Whoa, hey, okay, good to know. I'll uh…I'll see you tomorrow, kiddo." He turned, and all but ran from the beach. I guess he wouldn't try to have the sex talk with me anymore.

Jake approached when Charlie sped off to make sure things were okay. "What was that about?"

I glanced up at Jake before I spoke. "Charlie told me it was okay to stay here on the reservation for the night." Jake's eyes widened to the point where I worried they would fall out of his skull.

"Really?" The squeaky voice sounded more like it belonged to Mickey Mouse, and not to over six foot tall, two hundred pound Jacob Black. I almost laughed.

"Yeah, really. I asked him where I should stay, and he told me he trusted me to make that choice."

Jake eloquently asked one more time, "really?"

I just shook my head and bent to pick up some more trash to put into the trash bag I carried.

"Yeah, Jake, really. So, where do you think I should stay?" I knew what he would say, but I wanted to hear it for myself. I was a girl after all, and every single girl on the face of the planet wanted to know she was needed and wanted by someone. So sue me for wanting Jake to tell me this exact statement.

I didn't have to wait long, because Jake sputtered out his answer, post haste. "With me, stay with me, Bella, please?" It was my turn to be shocked. "I won't push you I swear, but just to hold you all night in my arms, well…that would be Heaven."

I leaded my forehead down and pressed it against his hard chest. How did I get so lucky? I felt like I didn't deserve the love Jake had for me, or the love Edward had before either. I nodded my acceptance, and he placed a small kiss to my head.

I moved away and finished the clean up here on the beach. Jake and the boys had loaded up all of the food and coolers into the back of Sam's pickup truck. Jake and I slid into mine as we waved to everyone as we pulled out of the parking lot.

Jake was warm and he smelled of the beach, yet different somehow. I took a deep inhale and held his scent inside of me for a few seconds, until my body demanded I let his scent out again.

His deep chuckle caused his ribs to brush against my side, because I was snuggled so tight against his side. I sent up a small prayer that one day, I would be able to love him the way he loved me and thanked my lucky stars, for now, this was enough for him.

It was time I told him, so I turned to look up at his face and spoke softly to him. "Have I told you how wonderful you are?"

He glanced down at me and shook his head in a negative fashion, then looked back out at the road in front of us.

"Well you are; you're so good to me, perfect in fact. Thanks for giving me the time I need."

He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer. "I don't know about perfect, but I do love you, and I promise to protect you with everything in me and to never hurt you," he said before he kissed me again and my heart settled into a steady rhythm. I knew I was safe with Jake.

That night, I lay in Jake's bed with his arms around me and I, for the first time, pictured my life with him. I imagined our house and kids. He would work at the garage, and I would teach school so I could be with our kids when they were home. Life would be perfect, and I could see myself happy with this scenario. I snuggled into Jake's arms and listened to his deep even breaths. I think I had taken a step off of the cliff, and I just might be able to fall for him.

Several weeks passed; there was still no sight of Victoria since the night of the beach party. I knew they had formed another plan, and it all made sense when Jake came to me and asked if I would be willing to go and visit my mom. I didn't question anything; I just went. I trusted Jake and the pack.

My flight took off Friday afternoon and would land again on Washington soil on Monday afternoon. Four whole days away, but Jake assured me this plan was flawless and I needed to be out of town in order to make it work; so I left. He drove me to Seattle so I could board the plane that would ultimately take me to Jacksonville, where my mother and Phil now lived.

Phil and my mom picked me up, and we went to dinner. We talked like old times, and I caught her up on all the things in my life that were too complicated to discuss with her over the phone. My mom truly was my best friend now. That thought hurt my heart. I missed Alice almost as much as I did Edward. She had been my best friend, the person I discussed everything with, so with her gone, I hurt for losing her as well.

We spent two whole days at the beach. As a Washington resident now, I rarely saw sun, much less sun warm enough to strip down to a bikini in and lay out. I loved it; it relaxed me, and I caught up on my reading list I downloaded from UDub's web site. I wanted to go into college prepared and ready.

Mom also took me shopping and bought me several new items I would need for my dorm room. It was fun, we bonded and shared. I realized I really did miss my mother.

But all too soon, our short weekend came to an end, and she took me back to the airport where I caught a flight back to Seattle.

When I stepped off of the plane, everything was different. The air was thick with the humidity. The clouds hung low and created a gray fog over everything you could see. Even Jacob looked depressed and unhappy. I dropped my carry on and ran towards him. When I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around him, I felt at home.

He took my hand and pulled me towards the truck. It struck me as odd with his fast walk and lack of conversation, but I just thought he might be ready to be in private with me. You know, to give me a proper welcome home. Little did I know!

"Did you have a good trip?" He forced a smile to his lips, but that was as far as it went. It never made it to his eyes. It didn't light up his face like it usually did. I panicked.

"Uhm… yeah, pretty good. What's up?" I decided we just needed to do this shit right now, and get it out there so I knew what was wrong. It was better to know than to sit around and wait for it to come out.

Jake bit his lip and pulled out of the lot. "Can you give me a few minutes? There is a place I'd like to take you and we can talk there, okay?"

I just nodded my head. He drove for a few minutes and stopped at a city park. It was almost dusk, so it wasn't very crowded. The kids and joggers had all made their way home to enjoy their evenings with their loved ones. We took a seat at a picnic table close to the spot where we parked.

"Bells, I've imprinted." His face dropped, and his voice was nearly inaudible, the two combined to almost make me believe I had imagined what he'd said.

"Imprinted?" I asked. Part of my heart filled with joy that almost overwhelmed me, and the other half filled with dread.

Emily had explained imprinting and how important it was for the Quileute tribe. It was an undeniable thing. It was like the center of their Earth revolved around the person they imprinted on.

The joyful part of me thought it was a good thing. That he had imprinted with me; that we were meant to be together. It was a sign I had so desperately looked for to tell me I was destined to be with Jake after all. But the dreadful part told me he would not be filled with sadness unless he had more to add. "Go on…" I let go of his hand and scooted back a few inches. I needed distance; it was the only defense mechanism for what I knew was coming next.

"When we enacted our plan to get Victoria, it sort of worked. We caught her friend, the dude with dreads, out on the cliffs. Sam was able to knock him down to the ground. We killed him, but she ran off. You should have seen her eyes as we pulled him apart and burned the pieces. She was terrified. We killed him the first night we were out and we haven't seen or smelled her around here since. I think we really scared her off this time." Jake seemed almost giddy at his revelation and it did make me feel better to know Laurent was dead now. I just couldn't help but shake the feeling we hadn't seen the last of Victoria. "We came home ecstatic. I wanted to get back to the house to call you. You were the first person I thought of, I felt so proud to do this to protect you."

My brain was slightly confused with all of Jake's ramblings, but I focused to gather the important parts.

"See, all of my thoughts had been of you, from the moment I saw you again, when you first moved back here to Forks. Every single one, Bella, you have to believe me. I loved you."

I gasped when he said loved. It was a past tense verb. Over, done, no longer actively love you but I used to, I did once. He realized his mistake and reached for my hand. I jerked it back. I couldn't touch him right now, not when he sat there and looked at me in the face and crushed my already fractured heart.

One more goodbye I was unprepared for. One more I just might not survive.

"Bella, her name is Nessie, well Vanessa actually. She's Emily's cousin. I'm so sorry. This is not because I don't love you, you know that our love was real, at least on my part it was. You were everything to me, everything. I just have no control over these things."

* * *

><p><strong>EN:So...how many of you saw that coming? That exact idea was the spawn for this whole storyline, mamadog came to me and said she had a dream about Edward leaving and when Bella begins to see herself with Jake he imprints. To be honest I always wondered that myself, if Edward hadn't come back at the end of New Moon what was to keep Jake from imprinting on someone! So...now where do we go? More to come next week, all new stuff from this point on :) **

**Till next time...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: First of all a huge sorry to the readers of Metal Pointe. We are not going to be able to post this week for you! It is totally my fault, I have been so sick and I haven't been able to write for you all. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I feel well enough this week to bang out something for you all, Edward and Bella are both dying to move forward! I swear it : )**

**A big thanks to my girls for their help and support! I appreciate them more than they know! I also appreciate all of you readers, you mean the world to me. I swear I read all of your reviews even if I don't respond to them.**

**Almost totally forgot the Playlist:****Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word-Elton John, Love the Way You Lie Part 3- Skylar Grey, White Horse- Taylor Swift, Taking Back My Life-Kimberly Caldwell, In The End- Linkin Park, Tonight I Wanna Cry- Keith Urban, You & I Both- Jason Mraz, Nothing Broken But My Heart- Celine Dion, You Lost Me- Christina Aguilera, Don't Speak- No Doubt**

**Now on to the story...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

**Bella**

The ride from Seattle was so quiet. Jake talked off and on, but I just couldn't. I was in shock. I was sure that was what was wrong with me. I felt numb. Totally numb. I was seriously concerned seeing as I hadn't cried; it felt odd and worried me that maybe I had finally lost my ever-loving mind.

Jacob went on to explain the details and how it felt to imprint. "It was like gravity shifted and suddenly, it was not the earth that held me here, she did. I would do anything, be anything for her. To protect her."

I thought the knowledge, his feelings, and the details of it all would help me; but it didn't. I just felt even emptier after I heard it. The one thing I could say after our talk was that this was not something that Jacob did by his own choice, and as stupid as it sounded, he truly felt like shit because it happened.

He knew how I felt after Edward, and I had to say that I felt that all over again because of the recent turn of events. The only difference was that this was a hollow, numb feeling because now I was convinced that I was unlovable.

I tried it with two different guys, and it didn't work out either time. Two guys that confessed to love me, two guys who promised to protect me, and to never hurt me. Both have hurt me deeper than I could possibly say.

In a way, this recent goodbye was the worst. It was the one that made me feel like the hope, however small that it was, was gone. This last goodbye was the proverbial nail in the coffin for me.

Each time I looked over at Jacob, I saw the tears in his eyes. I saw the hurt he felt for his actions, actions that were beyond his control. It was a wolf thing. It was a tradition, centuries old that normally brought joy and happiness to a person. It connected them to their other half, the person that would help them continue the strong lines of the pack, to the person that was the best match for them, so to speak. I still didn't understand how it was an instantaneous thing. I just didn't see how a person who was in love with someone could turn a corner and make eye contact and just be in love with this new person. Like the kind of love that alters your life, not a superficial pre-teen king of thing, it was love that was felt in your soul. It was the kind of love that changes you for the rest of your life. I guess it was something I would never understand.

By the time we got to Jacob's house, I was sick to my stomach. I had no idea if it was the lack of food, or the news that I got today. I just wanted to get home and sink down into my soft, comfy bed and sleep for a week or so. I knew it wasn't a healthy thing to want, but I just didn't give a shit about healthy right now.

Tomorrow I would do healthy.

Today I wanted to wallow.

What I really wanted was my best friend here, so I could talk all of this through with her. Someone to go and shop or maybe even eat ice cream with, not just anyone, but my best friend that I could vent, rant and cry with. But all of that is long gone as well. It seemed that everyone in my life leaves, they go away, and it doesn't soothe me in any way whatsoever that they have a normal legitimate reason to do so. It still hurt; it was still one more goodbye to add to my list. It still left me alone in life, once again.

When we arrived at Jake's house, Nessie ran out to greet him. It seemed she missed him just as much as he missed her. She ran straight into his arms, and I couldn't deny the chemistry between them. She adored him, and he obviously adored her as well. The smile that graced his face was breathtaking and genuine. I had never seen him smile like that for me. It confirmed all of his words, in one simple action. It was undeniable.

I felt guilty for the way I acted and the thoughts that ran through my head on the ride home. My thoughts were mean, cruel, and judgmental towards him, when I had no reason to be. Just a few weeks ago, I contemplated my decision to leave him to allow him to find the love of his life; to give him the freedom to find a person that could love him as much as he loved me. Now, here he stood as he held her in his arms, and I wanted to bitch about the fact that he did it without my help. I knew that the pain and suffering I was feeling now wasn't about losing Jake. The previous pain and suffering was resurfacing. That combined with losing Jake was almost too much to bear.

Now, don't get me wrong, it would hurt like hell to lose him, or at the least, share him with someone else. He had become my whole life; I had nothing left that didn't center around him anymore. So, it would be a good thing that I was ready to leave for college anyway. I could make a new start, reinvent myself and enjoy the four years away. By the time that college would be done, I would know who I was and what I wanted to do with my life, since all of my previous goals were now null and void.

I just had to get through the next two weeks, and I would be a free woman to live my life in the way I wanted. I stepped over and introduced myself to Nessie. It wasn't her fault that all of this happened, and I couldn't take it out on her or Jake.

"Hi, I'm Bella, Bella Swan, a friend of Jake's." I stuck my hand out, and she reached for it and pulled me toward her for a hug.

"It's so good to meet you; Jacob has told me so much about you. I feel like I know you already. I just want you to know that I understand your relationship and would never come between you two. You are always more than welcome to spend time with him. I swear." She glanced nervously from Jake to me and then back again. His face beamed with pride, and I couldn't deny the love between the two of them. It really was freaky; it was like they had been together for years, not days.

"I've heard quite a lot about you as well. I wish you both the best. Jake is a wonderful person, and I'm sure you will be very happy together." It was an honest sentiment; I really did wish them the best.

After a few more kind words on both of our parts, Jake walked me back to my truck so I could go home. "You are my best friend, and that won't change because I have someone else. I swear that to you, Bella."

I could only nod, because no matter how much he said it wouldn't change, it would. I would miss him, but I wouldn't interfere in their relationship. I couldn't do that to him, he deserved more. The only good thing I could say was that, with this goodbye, I would at least get to talk to him again and ask his advice because he was still one of my best friends. Hopefully, we would be able to maintain that through the distance and his newfound relationship.

As I drove away from Jake's house and just a few miles from the border of the reservation, I noticed Leah Clearwater as she stood off to the side of the road. She waved at me as I pulled off and stopped close to her.

"Hey, I thought I'd catch you on your way home," she said when I opened the truck door.

I stepped out of the truck and moved around to the tailgate so we could talk. It appeared she had a lot on her mind.

"You doing okay?" I didn't know what else to say to her. Leah and I had never really spoken before today; she seemed to be a total bitch, to be honest.

"I'm good. More importantly, how are you?" she asked, as she picked at a thread on the end of her cut off shorts. Her eyes were focused on the movement her hands were making.

I had heard enough stories about Leah to know that she kept her feelings to herself. Coupled with the fact we had never really talked, I knew that this was all around unusual.

"Eh, well, I've been better." I shrugged and tried to laugh, but it came out strangled and choked.

She nodded and gave a small smile. "I heard, things travel fast here in the pack. I thought I could help, you know from one cast off to another." I cringed because, unknowingly, Leah had just spoken the words that I thought myself earlier. She continued before I could comment on her words. "See, Sam and I used to be in love. One day, he walked into the store and looked at Emily, and suddenly, I was the last thing on his mind. I was crushed to say the least." I nodded at her because I certainly understood that feeling. "I have wished so many times that I could imprint on someone, just to break the connection. So that people would start to see me as someone else and not Sam's castoff any longer. Also, so that Sam and Emily would stop their tap dance around me. I just want to feel normal, to shed all of the ties here and start over."

When Leah made her comments, the words seemed to burst out of me like vomit. "I want to move to Seattle and start school early. Anything to get the hell out of here. I just needed to be free, like you said. Anything to not have to put up with the 'poor Bella looks'. I want to be me from now on, not someone's girlfriend. Not someone's ex girlfriend. Just me!" Leah reached out and grabbed my hand in the midst of my rant. I felt a kinship with her, she understood me. I no longer felt alone; I felt like part a small group now. I hoped that I made her feel the same way. I could only pray that I did.

"Then go, change your scenery and start over. Make your life your own. Get your space and figure things out. If later you want to come back, then do, but for now, go." Leah tossed her head and a small light lit up in her eyes. I could see the want and desire to go in her eyes as well, but she was bound by way more boundaries than I was. I had to go for me and for her. To show her that it could be done. That she could shake off the wishes of everyone else and do her own thing too. She just needed someone to go before her and show her it could be done.

"I will. I'll call the school tomorrow and see if they will allow me to check in early. Maybe get a job there and get my shit together before school starts."

I sighed and turned to look at Leah. I squeezed her hand and waited for her to look at me as well.

"Thanks for this; I know this was hard on you. I appreciate that you took the time to look out for me, to help me. I hope one day I can return the favor. I'm here for you anytime you need to talk or get away. You…you come and visit me in Seattle, and I'll show you around to some of those college boys." She smiled and ducked her head. It felt good to have a friend. I hoped she felt the same.

I drove off with Leah's phone number in my phone and mine in hers. I made her promise to call whenever she needed someone to talk to. I made my way to my house and began to pack up all the crap I would need to take with me. All of the stuff I had bought at my mom's house was still boxed where I had shipped it back to Forks, so that part was easy. I just had to pack the stuff from here in my room and bathroom that I needed.

I fell asleep exhausted, but for the first time in almost a year, I was ready for sleep. I was ready to get this night over with, so I could start tomorrow and get the hell out of Forks.

Forks held two of the worst goodbyes I have had so far. I needed a new start.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: So many of you had theories as to what Bella would do after her break up with Jacob. Well we are on the way to finding out! Leave me your ideas now that you have another piece of the puzzle! **

**Till next time...**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Okay here is another chapter for you all. I really appreciate my team, mamadog93 for her plot idea, ttharman and theonlykyla for the friendship and pre reading for me! An extra special thanks to my beta's Twinstar Junkie and Shadowed by Passion- you two keep me looking good and I know that job is not easy, so thanks, thanks, thanks and even more thanks! **

**For those of you who read Metal Pointe, after a long wait, we have finally posted another chapter for you. Thanks for the patience with me : ) I still got a lingering cough but I feel a million times better than the last time I posted, the well wishes certainly helped me tons! **

**Again I am fail at review replies, please know that I read and love every single one you send me. I just run out of time! I'm so sorry, please forgive me! **

**Playlist: Let Me Down Easy- Saving Jane, Comfortably Numb- Staind, Your Mistake-Sister Hazel, All We'd Ever Need- Lady Antebellum, A Falling Through- Ray Lamontagne, Every Breath You Take- Brooke White**

**As always there are sets on polyvore to go with this chapter. It is just polyvore dot com and in the search box choose members, and type in bnjwl. **

**I hope you like it, we are really picking up speed here so hang on!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

The next morning, I left Charlie a note because he was already at work. It was much easier this way because really, how would I explain why Jake and I broke up? What would I say?

Well, Jake's a wolf, and therefore bound by this mystical law. So, he imprinted on someone else and now I'm toast. That was not my story to tell, so I just said that we had broken up, and I was headed off to college early. I would leave all the fine details for Jake to explain. It was his responsibility anyway, since he knew what he could and couldn't share.

For once, it would be nice to just walk away and not have to pick up the pieces. Call me selfish if you want…but I needed this.

I called the student housing phone number, as I pulled out of Forks. After several transfers, I finally spoke with Makenna. She helped me find an available dorm and even put me in touch with a friend of hers on the library staff. It looked like I would have a job and a place to stay when I rolled in; the day just kept getting better and better.

An hour or so into my trip, I got a frantic phone call from Charlie. He wanted to know why I had left so unexpectedly. I explained that Jake and I decided to go our separate ways. That he fell in love with someone that had more in common with him, and I decided to make a clean break.

I was partially honest with Charlie. I told him that 'I was only with Jake because he made me feel normal', and that Jake was 'interested in me'. It was 'never love on my part, at least not a romantic type of love'. I loved him 'like a brother but nothing more'. That was the reason that we never progressed past a kiss or two, not that I told Charlie that part.

Charlie was satisfied with my answers and agreed to let me go as long as I promised to call him often. I agreed and gave a quiet chuckle. It wasn't like he could really stop me anyway.

The last part of my drive, I thought about who I wanted to be there. It was my chance to reinvent myself. No more quiet, mousy Bella Swan. I could be whoever I wanted, because none of these people knew who I was in high school. None of them knew about Edward or the previous goodbyes I'd had in my life. That was the best part of this? No need to explain about things that happened in my past. I could keep it casual and not have to answer those questions.

I turned on the awesome new radio from Emmett and listened to the music. One artist after another played, and as I listened to each one, I contemplated who they were and their personalities. The act would be easy to keep up if I had a role model. I finally decided on a mix of several. I wanted to be a badass, that didn't take any shit; yet was flirty and fun as well. I feared the new me would alienating my new girl friends, I didn't want that either. So in effect, I would be a perfect woman! I wanted to be fun to be around and fun to sleep with.

I took a deep breath when I thought about the sleep with part. In the past, I knew for sure that I wanted sex, but I'd only wanted it with Edward. I wasn't sure I was ready to have sex with anyone else. Maybe I could work up to that, flirt a little first, find someone that didn't turn my stomach; then I would round the bases with them, and have some sex. I knew there was no point in saving myself for Edward, so I might as well just enjoy my life and that included sex.

When I rolled into the dorm parking lot, Makenna was waiting for me. She introduced herself and helped me carry some of my stuff up to the room. After several trips, Makenna asked the question I didn't want to answer. "So, Bella, what's your story, 'cause no one shows up early without a story behind it."

I blew a piece of my hair up and out of my face. I stalled. I just didn't know how much to share or spill, or if I could trust her? Did I want to start out this new adventure with pity from my first potential friend? The answers to both of those questions were hell no, so I was very vague.

"Well, I'm from Forks, small town, very small. I took my chance to get the hell out of there."

She smiled and tossed her long auburn hair. "Well, then let's get your ass dressed, and we'll make sure that you know you're definitely not in Forks by the end of the night!"

I quickly pulled out my suitcases and flipped them open. I ran to the showers, and Makenna pulled out something for me to wear. When I got back, she had my favorite pair of skinny jeans with the rips, a pink satin shirt and lacey pink shoes. The shirt and shoes were obviously Makenna's because they did not belong to me. It was not something I would have normally bought, but to see it all paired together, well, it made me rethink my previous fashion choices. I just might have to do some shopping with that credit card that mom and Phil gave me. I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

We ended up at a little hole in the wall bar, where I used my fake ID. It was amazingly easy to score those on a college campus. They had a three-piece band that played, the music wasn't bad, but the choice of men was even better.

I decided I would start the first part of my new identity tonight, find myself a man, someone that would make me forget but wouldn't break my heart. I had to remember that it was just a casual thing, nothing serious.

I had never drank much before, so I asked the bartender to water down my drinks for me. That way I could drink throughout the night and not get too drunk my first time. She winked at me and handed me the first drink 'on the house'.

Later, I understood her intentions when I caught her as she tried to look down my shirt. I just winked at her and walked away. Her drinks were good, fruity, and I was able to get a good taste of what they were supposed to taste like, but they kept me fairly sober all night. I tipped her well.

I met several people and made some good contacts. It was a good night, no drama, no memories that came back to haunt me. In fact, for the entire night, the name of Edward Cullen never even came to mind. I'd call that a success.

The next day, I had several texts from my new friends and an invite to eat lunch with them. I was thrilled. My routine continued on this way, and Makenna introduced me to several new friends each week. That girl must have known everyone on campus, because we would party almost every night with a new crowd, and needless to say, my ability to hold my alcohol greatly improved. I was a full-fledged college student now.

I spoke to Charlie several times a week but always during the day. I pretended to be the normal, quiet, mainstream daughter that he knew. He was thrilled that I finally lived out my dreams and made sure to let me know that he had a talk with Jake.

"Dad, that was unnecessary, really. We were in two different places in our lives, and it would have ended a few weeks later when I left. Don't be angry at him, I'm not. I really kinda used him after Edward left anyway. He deserved someone who would love him with all of their heart, and that wasn't me. So, don't hate him," I told him after he indulged on what he said to Jake.

I really meant what I said, it wasn't Jake that I hated; I was hurt, because I missed my friend, not because I lost his love. I knew this because with Edward, it was a whole other story, I ached for him. I longed to feel his arms around me, and his mouth move across my own. It definitely was a different kind of pain.

"Well, Bella, you make a valid point, but I just couldn't help but tell him how stupid he was because he let the best girl in all of Forks go. I wasn't too tough on him though." He chuckled, and it held a slightly dark quality, that told me I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to see what was really said and done when he talked to Jake.

I often worried about the fact that I had not broke down after Jake and I split up. I even called the crisis counseling center here on campus. I explained what happened and my history with goodbyes. They explained to me that each person deals with each goodbye differently. Just because I dealt with one goodbye one way, doesn't mean I would deal with another goodbye exactly the same. They suggested that I had possibly learned and grown between the goodbye with Edward and Jacob. So I was better prepared to deal with Jacob's, and combined with the fact that I admitted that I wasn't in love with him, well I just didn't need to cry over it. They advised that I keep a constant check on myself though, because sometimes, the hurt and anger could manifest itself in other ways, self-destructive ways. I had already ventured down that path, but I knew I was smart enough to handle myself, so therefore, I wasn't worried about things.

I shopped with my credit card, with mom's blessings of course, and Makenna's help. We bought a brand new wardrobe that was college appropriate. Makenna and friends definitely approved. I also purchased myself a pretty tattoo that rests on the right side of my rib cage, and a small stud nose piercing with mom's credit card. Everyone back in Forks would shit their pants if they saw me now. I wore make up and heels every day, my hair was professionally cut and had highlights now.

It was a large tree; half of the tree was bare and the other half was beginning to leaf out. Two blue birds of happiness sat in the tree's branches. Their heads turned up as if they sang their songs out to the world. A small cage sat opened and empty at the bottom the tree. The blue birds were Edward and I. We had each gone away from what we knew, the cage, and branched out to find our happiness, the tree. I only hoped and prayed that he had found his.

I still searched for mine, but I had hoped that one day, my life would be fulfilled.

I had trouble with work. See, it was hard to get there when you were out half the night with your friend's drinking. So, I quit the library and found a job at the bar where we usually hung out. I could hang with my friends and still get paid for it. It seemed like a brilliant idea to me. Besides, I didn't have to be at work until eight at night, and it would be a great schedule when I started my classes in two weeks. I could study and do my homework after class let out, and then I could go to work later that night. I wouldn't work every single night, so I would have more time to work on the in-depth projects. It all sounded like a great plan to me.

The problem was that since I worked nights, and all my new friends worked days, it left me alone frequently. Which ended up leaving me too much time to think, at least until classes started.

I turned on the television and watched daytime TV. I started to smoke, and most days I drank way before five in the afternoon. I withdrew into myself and did not call back home like I promised. In one day, I got four missed calls from Jake and two text messages. I didn't want to miss him; I didn't want to need him. I would not cave in and call him. I promised myself. Instead, I caved in a different way; I went back and got another tattoo.

See, I was of the frame of mind that a tattoo should have a meaning for you, not just be a thing you thought looked cute at the time. So, this time I got a dragonfly.

On the afternoon after Edward had left me, I sat on the window seat in my bedroom. I cried and called out his name. I prayed that he was in the woods and hadn't left Forks yet. A small part of me wanted him to have as much of a hard time with our separation as I did and wanted him to sit somewhere and watch me, to not be able to let me go, either. Each time I cried out his name, a dragonfly came to my window and landed on the sill. He was a blue-ish color with the prettiest green spots on his wings. For two weeks he came around almost daily, I began to talk to him like he was Edward.

So, this was my way to remember Edward and what I had with him. Dave, my tattoo artist, drew it out and filled in each wing with a colorful design. I had him add the initials of each person I felt had bid me goodbye in my life. Dave added a swirl design that curled around the tail and the word 'inspire.' It was to help me to remember that each goodbye inspired something in me and to never stop reaching for something new, even when you are faced with a goodbye.

I hoped it was a lesson I could remember throughout my life.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Our Bella is sure stepping out on her own now...how long can she hang with this new lifestyle? How long before we see Edward again? All great questions, review and I just might tell you both answers! Evil ain't I?**

**Till next time...**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Okay ladies, I have started the process of moving my stories to TWCS, AO3 and FWAR. I am bnjwl at all three places, you are welcome to look me up and follow me there. **

**Thanks to all the same peeps, my pre- readers, my beta's and my readers! I love writing this for you all and I can't say thanks enough that you stick this out with me!**

**Playlist: Never Think- Rob Pattinson, Why We Said Goodbye-Tim McGraw, Better Now-Rascal Flatts, She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5, The One That Got Away-Katy Perry, Ain't No Sunshine-Josh Hoge, Gravity-John Mayer, Underneath-Hanson**

**Now, this is the chapter you all have waited for so go on and read!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

**Edward**

Each and every day after I left Bella was progressively harder. Every few days I moved to somewhere new. I just couldn't find a place that brought relief from the pain of leaving her. Peace was now a foreign concept to me. Being without Bella was torture, absolute torture. I missed her with every fiber of my being. I craved her body, her touch, and her love. I longed for the times when I was able to be with her; to reach out and touch her hand, her face or any part of her. That was the one thing I longed for now…the freedom to touch her.

I spent so much time in pursuit of the right one, and it is safe to say that I found her without question. Now I see that, for as much of a build up as I put on it, well…I took the time with her for granted. It's almost funny really to look back at it.

Part of me wanted to scrap it all and run back to her immediately. I wanted to be honorable and just live out the rest of her life with her as a human, but I was so damned scared that my nature and my kind would hurt her, and end up taking her away from me.

I would sacrifice anything for her safety; to give her a normal life that she could enjoy free from pain and suffering. She deserved that. She deserved perfection, and I knew after the James incident and her birthday party, there was no way I could give her that. So, I had to let her go.

I went back three times. The first two times I didn't see her. I could smell her and knew she still lived there, but I never saw her. The last time I watched her for almost a week. I saw her several times, and she seemed to be okay. She had moved on. She was with Jacob Black. He was a Quileute but didn't seem to be one that had phased, so I walked away. I knew I had to find a way to occupy myself so that I wouldn't come back and tempt myself any more.

I decided that the best way to distract myself was to head back to Alaska with my family; to use them to occupy my time. They would all be happy to have me back, I was certainly sure of that. Each one had contacted me during the months I had been gone to ask when I would be back. I knew I would be welcomed in Denali at any time.

It took me several days to swallow my pride, but I walked back in and was welcomed back by Jasper and Emmett, immediately.

I showered, changed my clothes, and made my way back downstairs to face the entire group. I couldn't describe each spot that I'd stayed, that whole time frame seemed out of focus to me, I'm sure they understood the reason why behind it.

After a long conversation with my family, I decided to take a walk and get some air. I heard the smaller footsteps that followed me so I kept going until I heard Tanya call out to me.

"Edward, stop."

I wanted to sigh and blow her off, but for some reason I just couldn't find it in myself to push anyone away. I wanted to be with someone; to feel like I belonged to something or someone. To, hopefully, take away the ache and longing that I still felt from losing Bella.

Tanya's hand crept out and touched my arm. It wasn't warm like Bella's but somehow her touch wasn't as offensive as it used to be. I guess I finally realized that I had no choice but to move on as well. So, I turned and looked into Tanya's eyes. For the first time I really looked at her. She looked almost sad and scared, but ultimately she looked alone.

I placed my hand on hers and accepted her comfort. She sat close, and for the first time I wasn't repulsed by her presence. It was almost a comfort to have her there. She was someone that understood the loneliness. She would never be the love of my life, that spot was already taken, but she could be a partner, a companion to me.

"What is it about me that you've loved all of these years?" I asked. I wanted to know how she saw me.

"At first it was your looks, but then I realized that you are a kind soul. You care about people and want to be as good as you can be, given our circumstances, besides the fact that you're so funny without even trying to be." Her hand moved from my arm to my chest. "Then I have to admit, the more you resisted me, the more I wanted you. You became the one that got away. It made me want you all the more." She leaned in towards me. "Edward, we could be so good for each other. I could make you happy." I leaned back in shock. "I'm like you already. You won't have to worry about me and my life. You won't have to change who you are for me. I can be your perfect partner in all of this. I understand you; I've been where you are. I searched as well; I wanted…still want, someone who could stand beside me and be my mate." I turned my head away and tried to give myself some distance from her. "Edward, I know that you will never love me the way that you love her but we could be good together, I know we can."

I had a lot to think over, and I wanted some space to do that. "Give me some time; let me think for a little while. I appreciate your honesty with me." She leaned over, kissed me on my cheek and quietly walked away. I had a great deal to contemplate.

Bella was my soul mate, and I knew it. Could I move on and take what was being offered, or did I punish myself and spend my life alone?

Just as I settled down to think all of this through, Emmett walked up and sat down beside me. Out of all the people in the house to speak to about this particular topic, I thought Emmett would be the last one to be seated beside me right now. Emmett usually stuck to the funnier, lighter subjects. He didn't tend to add his two cents into one such as this, which probably meant that he was put up to it by someone else.

"So…" I slapped my thighs and exhaled a large unnecessary breath.

"So…" he repeated the action. I decided to wait him out to see his angle before I tried to debate with him, which in effect, meant that we sat silent for a few minutes, while I hoped that Emmett would gather his thoughts and decided what he wanted to say to me. "I know that you don't need my opinion, but I wanted to at least say it to you so years from now you don't say, 'why didn't you tell me that then,' you know?" I nodded and played with the minute strings that held the seams of my pants together. "I love Bella. She was a perfect addition to our family, and while I get why you did what you did, but Bro, it's making you miserable. Go and get her. She loved you, and I will tell you that real love is hard to come by. You should know; you waited over a hundred years for it. Don't blow it because of some antiquated theory of chivalry, okay?" His words rushed out, and I could see the expression of seriousness in his eyes. It touched me that he had put this much thought into the subject for me.

"Emmett, I appreciate your advice, but I couldn't live with myself no matter how it ended for her. I just couldn't. If I gave in to my love and stayed with her, she would be in danger. If I turn her, then she would lose her soul. So no matter what I'm screwed." He raised his eyebrows at me because that was much stronger language than I usually used.

"Edward, you took away her ability to decide the fate she was willing to live with. She is mature enough to decide. She knew the outcome of becoming one of us and didn't seem affected by it, so why should you have been?" His reasoning was logical enough, but I loved her too much to see her suffer through anything because of me. Her life should be perfect and wonderful, and the only way that could happen, was without me.

"I can't doom her to this life that we live. Every few years we have to move; we never get to make friends, we never get to fit in. What kind of a life is that for her?" I asked as I began to pace the forest.

"Again, that is for her to decide. I mean look at Rose and I. Do we look pissed off that every few years we have to move? Alice or Jasper, Carlisle or Esme? No, and you know why? Because we have the love of our lives with us, we are together, and that makes the difference. Love, Edward, pure and simple." He sat stone still and waited for me to respond. I was surprised that I even had to think about his words. Usually he went for a carefree, amusing outcome, so I couldn't recall a time when I had to actually stop and think about what he was thinking or saying.

"Why does this simple decision have you so worked up? She was my girlfriend, not yours. Why do you care?" I yelled, almost roared, directly in his face. I hated to think about it because it made me hope and wonder, 'what if?'

"Because," he stood and yelled right back at me, "you weren't the only one that loved her." He dropped back down onto the stump and lowered his voice. "We all love her, Edward, we did, in fact, we still do. She was the perfect completion to our family. She loved you and each of us with her whole heart. We were the family she never had, the siblings she always wanted. She made you more tolerable. She got you, and you and her were perfection together. That's why, man. You're miserable, and I don't need Alice's talent to know she is too without you. Make this right, man. Go get her before it's too late and you accept a weak substitute for the rest of your life." He turned his head back towards the cabin and called out, "No offense, Tanya."

She yelled back, "None, taken."

We sat quietly for a few minutes. I wanted to cry. This was the first time since nineteen-eighteen that I wanted a human experience. I missed the release of emotion that a good cry would bring. Maybe that was the problem; all my emotions were bottled up inside me and I needed a way to let them out.

I heard Tanya as she thought of ways to help me work out the decision. I wanted to cringe, but I saw the pure joy and adoration on her face. For the first time, I realized that she might really have had more of an interest in me, than just my body.

Carlisle walked up, and Emmett moved to leave. "Think about it long and hard before you choose." I nodded at him and he bumped my fist before he left.

Carlisle sat in Emmett's vacated spot, and I moved down beside him. "Emmett had some great points, Edward, but ultimately it is your decision to make; we can't tell you how to live your life. I understand your fear and hesitation, but without great risk, there is no great reward either. Keep that in mind." Carlisle patted my leg and ran off toward the woods to hunt. Esme moved into the woods from my left side and circled around to join him.

That was exactly what I wanted. I wanted a partner, a mate that was equal with me, which could join me and support me. Someone that I knew without a doubt could handle herself without my interference. Tanya was that person; she was already one of us; without my venom. I had no guilt over her change and never would. I could see us together and made the decision to ask her to be my wife.

I stood and made my way back to the house. Alice stepped out onto the deck and showed me a vision in her mind, it was me, I stood at the end of an aisle. I wore a tux and a smile, which could only be described as beaming. I stood with my hand outstretched toward someone. The hand that reached up and took mine caught the light and sparkled with the same intensity as mine did. It could only mean one thing; I was destined to marry Tanya Denali. I took a sharp turn and ran towards civilization. I had to buy her a ring.

My mother's ring sat in a safe deposit box in a Chicago bank, but I didn't want it. That ring in my mind had been given to Bella. I couldn't give it for Tanya. It would sit in storage until I decided what to do with it. For Tanya, I needed flashy, large and shiny. So, I made my way to the jeweler to find exactly that.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Okay so go ahead and give me the hell you want to give me, I know it's coming! Just remember we are only half way through so there is a lot left to go here! Remember that ;)**

**Till next time...**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:Okay see I have a great excuse for not posting this last night like normal...I was drunk! Plain and simple, my kids are gone and I had to do laundry. Well, what makes laundry better than Rum and loud music? Nothing! Except when you get tipsy then don't feel like doing laundry, LOL! theonlykyla calls it 'The Rum Episode', so needless to say this was totally forgotten. I'm so sorry, please do forgive me! **

**Thanks to my girls, you all take such good care of me and I wouldn't be able to do this without you at all. I love you all from the bottom of my heart!**

**Playlist:Crazy-Patsy Cline, Back to December- Taylor Swift, Shattered (Turn the Car Around)- O.A.R, Everything- Lifehouse, Storm- Lifehouse, I Need To Know- Kris Allen**

**Now, go and read...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

**Bella**

I met Riley at work; he was a friend of a friend of Makenna's. He came to the bar for the first time for a birthday party and never seemed to leave. Almost every night for the next two weeks, I saw him. At first, it seemed like nothing, then, all of a sudden, it was more. I knew enough to keep us at just surface level talk though. I would _not_ go down that road again.

On the Friday of our first week of classes, Riley asked me out. I didn't have to work, so I said yes. Riley picked me up at my dorm room and took me to dinner. He was so animated and talkative, yet reserved and suave, all at the same time. He was a perfect mix of Jake and Edward, as much as it broke my heart to even think this, he was. He asked my opinions on subjects and, the things I didn't know about, he explained. He treated me like an equal, and I loved it.

"Hey, you wanna come to my place? I don't have roommates so we can be alone there, no interruptions," Riley asked after several more dates. I nodded at him. I was worried about where and how he thought this would play out. I wasn't ready to get serious and the thought that Riley might be ready for that worried me. But at the same time I didn't want to throw away a good friendship for over worrying, so I went.

He drove to his apartment, with his hand on my leg. I worried that I had gotten in over my head, but I knew self-defense and his apartment was in a good part of town as it was well traveled, so I felt safe. Besides, Riley had always been a gentleman with me in public, so I had no hesitation or reason to think that he would be different with me here at his apartment.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Riley asked as he dropped his keys in a small glass bowl near his front door. It seemed so normal, so well adjusted.

I shook my head at him in response. I still felt the buzz of our drinks from dinner, and I didn't want to get too drunk or out of control here with him alone. Well, at least not until I was ready to let my guard down and have sex with him.

He pulled me down onto the couch beside him but surprisingly left some distance between us. I almost smiled at the simple, sweet gesture.

"Tell me, Bella, where do you see us going with this?" he asked as he twirled a lock of my hair around his finger. I had noticed that he seemed to always have his hands in my hair. He often told me to leave it down. That he liked it when it flowed around my shoulders, wild and free was what he called it.

"Riley, I just wanna take things as they come. Not too fast because I just got out of a relationship, but I do want to see where we end up. Is that okay?" I asked with hesitancy. I wanted Riley, but I wanted to keep him at an arm's length as well.

I was too afraid to let anyone else in yet and get hurt.

"Okay, beautiful, we can take it slow." He pulled my hand, and I followed. I ended up on his lap sideways. His large hand wrapped around my neck as he guided my mouth to his. He leaned, ever so slowly, and kissed me.

I prayed for him to be the one, for it to feel different, so my mind wouldn't wander down roads and visit previous memories. I wanted new, I wanted different, and most of all, I wanted to not remember those that were before him.

When his lips met mine, they were warm and soft. Not at all like any of the lips that I had previously craved. I almost did a victory dance with glee.

I allowed my mind to clear and feel the sensations of Riley's mouth as he kissed my lips and caressed my skin. It was without a doubt different, and I loved the feel of it. There was no way I could mistake Riley and how he felt for anyone I had previously been with, that was a good thing for me.

As the weeks went by, Riley and I saw more of each other. He would come to work with me some nights, and sit at the far end of the bar. He would study with me, which was code for making out; seeing as we hardly ever cracked open a book. He also drove me to class on most days.

Makenna often complained that he infringed on our girl time, and I tried to step away some to preserve my friendship with her as well. Riley reluctantly agreed to the change.

"Bella, I don't want to be a possessive asshole, I really don't. I want to allow you time away with your girls to hang out and do whatever you all do, but I miss you so much when you're gone. I know we said we'd go slowly but… damn, baby, I can't be away from you."

I kissed his mouth and slipped my tongue past his lips. I wanted to reward him for his kindness; for the fact that he cared, for his loving nature. He treated me so well, and he deserved a treat from me. I pushed him back against the couch and unbuttoned his jeans. Riley stretched his arms out and dropped them down on the back of the couch. That action left me with free and uninhibited access to his body. So, I took advantage of it.

Once his jeans were undone and pulled open, I slipped my hand in his boxers. I pulled his dick out and massaged it up and down. I wanted to give him pleasure, yet, I wasn't ready for anything more than this. I stroked him with long, slow, up and down movements. Since Makenna had a thing for porn, and I spent most of my time with her, it goes without saying that I had watched my fair share of porn as well and knew a few things, so I tried them all. The more I tried, the harder Riley grunted. His steady hands pulled my face to his, as he whispered dirty words against my lips.

I was so turned on and was more than ready when he kissed me as I worked his body over. Other than the contact his mouth had with mine, he never tried to touch me, and I was okay with that. This was about him, not about me.

I wanted to show him that I could be good for him; I wanted to show Riley I could be a good girlfriend to him, that I could take care of him. I knew that was wrong and it sounded wrong to my own conscience as I thought it out but it was honest. I could at least be honest with myself about it all. What that would get me I had no idea, but for now he seemed to enjoy my ability to take care of him and his needs. So, I would continue. I stroked him until he bucked upwards against my hand, I knew he was close. I wasn't surprised when, seconds later, he came all over my hand, with shouts of joy as he did.

He leaned forward, pulled his t-shirt off of his body by the back of the neck, and placed it over himself. He wiped my hand clean with it; he then pulled me in for a sweet kiss.

"Thank you, Bella. You have no idea how hard it's been to be with you almost every night and not be able to touch you like I've wanted to."

I kissed him. His words sounded sweet and worshipful to me, and I wanted to show him that I was worth the things he said.

"I know, I'm sorry. I've been hurt in the past and don't want to go down that road again. Not that you would hurt me, but that relationship left me with scars. I promise you have almost broke the walls I built up down. Just be patient with me and it will happen." His smile was beautiful as he pulled me in for a kiss again.

When he pulled back, he adjusted his pants. "Let's get you home."

I nodded and waited for him to find a clean shirt to put on. He drove me home and kissed me again as he let me out at my dorm.

The several times that Riley and I made out after that, I felt like he pushed for more, but he always stopped when I asked him to. Each time though, he got me to go further and further, even if it was a small step, it was a step. I also noticed that he talked more and more about our make out sessions. He seemed to plan them and what we would do, how far we would go. He hinted at sex, and eventually he downright asked me when we would progress to that point. So much of me wanted to give in since he really was a good guy that cared for me, but the words that Edward spoke all that time ago always drifted across my mind. _'Bella, I've waited this long to make love to you. I'll wait until the moment is right and show you my love for you by how I treat your body.'_ At the time, those words made me swoon with desire, but now they served as my benchmark as to how I should be loved and treated.

In some ways, I'd hated Edward for the constant reminder of him that he left with me, and yet it showed how much he'd cherished and respected me. So as soon as the anger began, it disappeared.

Eventually, my partying ways and new friends worked against me, and I found myself almost half way through the semester and about to flunk out. I had failed the last two tests in one class and the other two were morning classes, so needless to say, I didn't make it to them very often. I tried to keep up with the assignments, but I didn't have any friends in those classes to help me, so it was hard.

So now, I sat alone in my room. I had to figure out what to do. This was _not_ how I imagined my life would be away from Forks. I wanted to have it all, but it really seemed like my actions had caught up with me. I had to decide if I would throw it all away and drop out of school, or if I should just buckle down and quit the partying. I almost had myself convinced to buckle down, when Riley called. His friend had passes to the new club in town for the grand opening. He wanted us to go. I knew that I had class the following morning, but I just didn't give a damn right then.

Once again, I was sick and tired of being the good daughter; the responsible one, the one that took care of everyone else. I wanted to live it up, and enjoy myself, so I said yes. I pushed my schoolbook off my lap and made my way to the bathroom to shower. I took my caddy and cigarettes with me. I took my time as I plucked, shaved, waxed, buffed, smoothed, clipped, soaked and conditioned every single inch of my body. When I was done, I made my way back to my room. I dried my hair and smoothed lotion over my canvas, as I prepared my body for the night's activities. I painted my toenails and fingernails to match my outfit, before I applied my make-up and fixed my hair.

I slid on my dress and strappy shoes to match. The jewelry was sophisticated and yet not gaudy. In a word, I looked perfect for Riley. My lingerie was sexy and ready for someone to look at it, before it was pulled off of me and tossed into a corner. I was finally ready.

Riley picked me up at almost eight, and we rushed to meet his friends. He made sure to tell me over and over again, with his words and his body, how good I looked. I felt wonderful tonight. I felt worshipped and cared for. I could see the difference in Riley as he strutted me around; he was proud of me. Proud to have me on his arm, and I preened for him and anyone else that looked in my direction.

After a drink or two, we made our way to the dance floor. I felt loose, wild, and free. I wanted to touch Riley, and I wanted him to touch me. He lit my skin on fire even through the barrier of my clothes. I wanted to devour him right there in public. The more I drank, the more I wanted him, and the harder it became to stop myself from getting my way, no matter where we were.

Riley didn't seem opposed to it either. In fact, he encouraged me. His dirty talk spurred on my body and worked me into a frenzy, until I begged him.

"Riley, take me back to your place, so we can be alone."

He moved with haste as the words slurred from my mouth. Of course it didn't hurt that I had my hand pressed against the length of his cock either.

We exited the club, and the colder air sobered me slightly, but not enough to stop our progress. It added a tingly, cold sensation to the warmth that spread over my body, which was caused by Riley, as he ran his hand up and down my body while he drove us back to his apartment.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:Okay so let me hear them...I know you got them, you guys are awesome like that! And sorry for not replying to your reviews as well, I read them all, I swear! Life has just gotten so busy for me with the kids home all the time now. I'm not even sure I can promise to get better so I will say this, you review, I'll read it and it will inspire me to write more, how does that sound? Is that a fair trade off? I hope so : ) **

**Metal Pointe will update next week as Kyla is on vaca without any wifi! **

**Till next time...**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:Hello all! I have a new chapter for your reading enjoyment. It alludes to some sexual assault, it is not described. It is merely hinted at. If this bothers you then by all means skip down to point where I added the stars. You won't miss any major details. **

**Thanks to my team, you all mean so much to me, I appreciate your friendships and help more than you will ever know! **

**Playlist:Stop and Stare by OneRepublic, Slow Goodbye by Leslie Roy, Space Between by Dave Matthews Band, Given Up by Linkin Park, Defeated by Anastacia, Misery by P!nk**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

**Bella**

I passed out off and on during the ride back to Riley's place. My head felt heavy, and I couldn't seem to hold my eyes open. I thought of the old Eagles song, Hotel California, and snickered when I did. My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim.

I should have known then that this night had gone to Hell in a hand basket. I should have known that something was wrong, not right, off…something. It felt far too good, as Riley ran his hands over my body. I even thought that I should have mentioned to call a halt, but my mind seemed to drift from subject to subject, too often to keep a single thought in my mind long enough to carry it out.

When I woke the next time, I was stretched across Riley's bed totally naked. I had my shoes on, and my hands were tied to the bed. I began to pull and tug on the restraints as Riley stepped closer to me.

"Shhhh, it's okay, sweetheart, you're fine. We're at home now." He ran a finger down my side, across my hip bone and down my thigh.

I shuttered and tried to pull away, but my body just didn't seem to be in sync with my brain. My body pushed toward his hand.

His dark laugh scared the hell out of me. "Such a dilemma, isn't it?" I just blinked and tried to focus on the words that came from him. I heard them and yet they seemed jumbled up or out of order. "Don't fight it, Pretty, just let it happen. See, I was just too tired to wait for you to get ready, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. So, tonight, we will enjoy ourselves, and tomorrow, maybe you'll be ready for more on your own."

He walked away and I realized for the first time that Riley was not who I thought he was.

"And when I'm done, I plan to let my friends see what a perfect little body like yours feels like." I turned my head and realized that at least three other guys stood around with their pants open, their dicks in their hands as they stroked them up and down. One approached me as Riley spoke. His hand dropped to my breast and pinched my nipple. Riley just smiled at his friend, and his grin then became bigger when he realized how much I struggled to get away. "They have drooled and begged me for a few weeks now. I held them off as long as I could; you should be thankful."

He grimaced when I didn't respond, and so, he moved closer to the bed. I felt it sag with his weight, and I tried to pull away from him. "Bella, you need to make sure that I understand how thankful you are. Worse things could happen if I felt like you didn't like me or wasn't appreciative of the way I took care of you." His voice was as cold as steel, and his eyes held the truth behind his words.

"Thank you, Riley, so much," I choked out. I wasn't sure how I got it out because I was scared, bone deep scared. Fear shook me, and a cold sweat covered my body.

I felt the fuzziness wash over me again, and I realized that I might not even be awake for the rape that Riley described. I prayed and begged for this to be the case. I didn't want it to happen, but at least if it had to, I wouldn't have to relive the memories. This way, I wouldn't wake up in a cold sweat from them; I wouldn't freeze when a guy said a specific word or touched me in a way that made me think of this night. I closed my eyes and gave in to the darkness, and as my mind slipped away I whispered, "I love you, Edward. I always will."

When I woke the next time, my arms were down by my side. I lay on a soft, white pillow and was covered by a non-descript white blanket. The room was warm, and the lights were turned down low. I ached and hurt like I had been in a car accident. My tears began to instantly run, and I tried my best not to sob. I didn't want to bring any attention to myself. I was afraid that I would be used again. It was hard to tell what they had or hadn't done to me since I hurt all over. I raised one arm and moved the blankets aside. I wore a white t-shirt and some sleep pants. I lifted the shirt and checked for bruises, but saw none. At least in one way they had been kind to me. They hadn't marked me in any visible form that I could see so far.

I pulled the covers back up and curled into a ball on my side. I quietly sobbed. I wanted to make my way to the door of the bedroom and let myself out. I was dressed, so I could escape if I wanted. I was just too afraid that one of the guys would be outside the door, waiting to hurt me all over again, so I stayed. I cried off and on and drifted in and out of consciousness.

The next time I woke, there was a tray of food on the side table with some aspirin and a drink. I was too scared to try any of it. I didn't want to continue the fuzzy, foggy feeling that I got when I drank the drinks at the club. I knew now that Riley had drugged me, and I wouldn't trust a single thing that he offered me again. I would die of thirst or hunger before I ate or drank anything else he gave me.

I tensed as I heard a few voices outside of the door. I wanted to hold out hope because at least one sounded like woman's voice, but I couldn't be sure, they spoke too softly. I closed my eyes and prayed that they would go away again.

They opened the door, but didn't enter as they continued to speak between themselves. Then I heard the words that made my eyes open, and my body fly out of the bed and toward the door. "No, Esme, I'm sure we got to her in time. She'll be sore, but she wasn't raped. That I'm sure of." Alice stood beside Jasper in the doorway and held a phone to her ear.

Before I could even register that I had put my feet on the floor, I was in her arms. She dropped the phone, and Jasper grabbed it. Alice wrapped her arms around me and held me as I cried. She settled us back on the bed and rocked me as I let go of all of the emotions from the previous twenty-four hours. I now knew that I wasn't raped, but the damage was still done, just the threat of it was enough for me. I wanted to kill Riley and his friends. When my tears stopped, I would have to ask Alice what happened to them. I prayed that she told me they met a fate similar to James. It would give me great pleasure, as sick as that sounded.

I drifted off to sleep somewhere in the middle of my crying fit because when I woke, Alice sat beside me and brushed my hair off of my face. Jasper hovered at the edge of the room.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I know being in this small space is probably not so good for you. I'm sorry." My eyes dropped down, and I picked at an invisible string on the blanket. My words brought back all of the fears, tears and regrets I felt from when Edward left me. Once again, my stupid humanness messed things up. First, it got in the way at my birthday party with Jasper, which led to Edward's leaving. Now, I spent the last few months doing reckless shit to feel alive again because he was gone.

He flashed to the bed so fast that my eyes couldn't keep up with him. He pulled my hand out of Alice's and held it in his cold hand. "No, Bella, I'm sorry, more sorry than you'll ever know. Because of me and my weakness, I ruined two people's lives. I'll make it up to you every single day for the rest of my existence, I swear it." I patted his face, and he turned to kiss my palm. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit actually." All three of us chuckled, and Jasper moved back a few feet from the bed. I gingerly adjusted my body and sat up against the headboard while Alice shifted her small frame to match mine.

"We got you some food and drink. Carlisle told us which medications to give you, so we got you a pain pill as well that would help with the muscle aches." Jasper took the tray and laid it across my lap as I dug into the food like I hadn't eaten in days. Maybe I hadn't.

"Alice, what day is it?" I asked between bites of food.

"It's Monday morning." Her reply was short. It told me all that I needed to know.

"Oh." I had been out since Friday night. I had no idea what Riley gave me, or how much, but it was enough to keep me knocked out for two and a half days. I shuddered, and Alice was back at my side immediately.

"Hey, don't you worry about him or his friends. We made it look like a murder-suicide pact between some gay college guys that were afraid to come out of the closet to their family and friends." I laughed, that had to be Rosalie's touch. She often told me about her flair for the dramatics.

"We left a note," Jasper whispered, and the smile on his face was devious. "It seemed that Riley had been responsible for several rapes on campus, but no one could prove anything. So, we helped them out. I made sure that in his note; he confessed to the rapes, admitted that he was sexually repressed because he was a closeted gay man, and that he and his friends were too ashamed to come out, so they killed themselves. It should be perfect front page news for their families to suffer through." Jasper looked a little happy with himself. I had to admit that the pain and suffering of their families was not my utmost concern either.

"It seemed their families knew about him and his friend's habits, but did nothing." Alice patted my hand as she spoke. I just nodded.

I finished my food in silence. Way too much had happened for me to process all of it, so I stayed quiet.

"I need a shower, please," I said when I was finished eating. Jasper picked up my tray and moved to leave the room. Alice pulled the covers back to help me leave the bed.

"I helped you in the shower the other night when we got here, but let's do it again. You have sweated pretty heavily since then." She leaned down and grabbed some more clothes out of the drawer as we walked past it. I felt pretty weak and leaned almost completely on her sturdier shoulder. She handled my weight with ease.

She was silent as I stripped down and stepped into the warm water. I adjusted it a little hotter and closed the door. Alice sat down on the bathroom sink and waited for me. I scrubbed and scrubbed my skin. I wanted all traces of Riley and his friends off of me.

When I stepped out she held up a large towel for me and wrapped me up in it. It was warmed, and I shivered from the cool air that brushed across my wet skin. Silently, Alice pulled out the hair dryer, and I sat without prompts on the closed toilet lid, so that she could dry my hair. The warm air felt so good, as it blew across my skin and warmed me from the outside in. I caught her smile in the mirror and returned it to her.

"I missed you," I said to her.

"I've missed you too; you have no idea how much," she responded.

"Does…does he know?" For some reason to think that Edward knew what I went through, caused even more shame to wash over me.

"I don't know. I left as soon as the vision flashed through my mind, and he was gone hunting when we left. Jasper and Rose were the only two at home with me. Jasper came with me, Rose stayed behind, but promised to come if we needed her help." I remembered the night that Rose shared her own battle with this issue and realized that we now had something in common.

"Okay."

We were silent for a few more minutes before Alice spoke. "Bella, Jasper and I need to go back home. We need to gather a few things and hunt. I've called for Rosalie to come and be with you, but she won't be here for another hour or so." I nodded.

"You go on. No one knows where I am, right?"

She nodded. "Jasper got the room with one of his aliases and paid for the room with that credit card, so to them a Mr. Frederick Johnson stays here. The maids have been around for the day, so no one other than Rosalie should be needing to be let in. Just keep the doors locked, and don't let anyone in except her. Okay?" She ran her hands down my hairline and across my face. My mother had done the same action so many times throughout my life. It made me miss her, but to call her at this moment was the last thing I wanted. I just nodded at her and Jasper as he walked up behind her.

"We'll be back as soon as we possibly can be, Bella. We just left in such a hurry that we need to go grab a few things and get some necessities for us. Rose will take care of you, I swear it." Jasper's almost black eyes held a large dose of regret, and I felt sorry for him. I never blamed him at all; he simply acted according to his nature. It wasn't his fault.

"I know, Jasper, thanks again. I appreciate your effort, and all you've done for me." I waved at him as he moved towards the door. Alice kissed the side of my head and pressed her forehead to mine. It was a move her brother had done too many times to count. It brought tears to my eyes.

"We'll be back before you wake up tomorrow morning and then we'll figure it all out, okay?" I nodded at her, climbed into bed and closed my eyes so sleep would take me again.

I awoke to the sound of someone knocking on the door. I stood on my shaky legs and moved toward the noise. It wasn't loud, but it was loud enough. I peeped through the peephole, and saw a mass of blond hair. It was Rose. I threw open the door and moved out of her way so she could enter, but when she turned around, I realized my mistake. It was the last person on the face of the planet that I expected to see…Tanya Denali. I had seen her before in pictures and briefly at the Cullen's house once, but there was no doubt it was her.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: I know I am a cruel bitch to leave it here but next week you get to hear from Tanya. A little peek into her mind. As always let me know what you think of Bella and how things have turned out. How do you think Edward is going to feel about this development?**

**Till next time...**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Holy shit ladies and gentlemen! I almost forgot to update! If it helps at all it is because I am working on a drabble for the September Drabble Wars...does that help? It will be called Every Other Weekend and so far I love it hardcore! It has a different flow and the characters seem special to me. I can't wait for you all to read it, to me it is different than my normal thing but what the hell do I know? **

**On with this chapter, thanks to all the normal girls, you know who you are and I love and appreciate each and every one of you!**

**Playlist: I'm The Only One-Melissa Etheridge, Psycho Bitch- Lesley Roy, Heartbreak Warfare-John Mayer, Why Did You Mess With Forever-John Mayer, Just Like A Pill-P!nk, If You Only Knew-Shinedown, Have You Ever?-Brandy, It's A Heartache-Bonnie Tyler, Why- Annie Lennox...are you sensing a theme here?**

**Okay, be prepared, this chapter is from Tanya's pov...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

**Tanya Denali**

I remembered years ago when Carlisle first brought Edward around. He was shy, withdrawn, and showed his young age. I can't deny the truth; I wanted to fuck him the first moment I saw him. Who wouldn't? He was gorgeous. The bonus was that he was a virgin; fresh and new, ready to be molded into the kind of man that could please me anytime I wanted him. I would never need a human man again. Edward could give me all I wanted and would never tire out. It was then that I was on a mission to make Edward Cullen mine.

Besides, the allegiance would seal the bond between our families, and the Denalis and the Cullens would forever be tied together. It was a win-win for all sides.

Unfortunately, there was a problem with Edward, he wanted no part of the plan and no part of me. I made every play I could for him. Then I realized that, at his young age, he might not recognize it for what it was, so I became bolder. I began to picture us in every imaginable position, because I knew his ability to read my mind would keep me from being subtle. But it didn't work, nothing worked. Nothing!

I chalked it up to the fact that he was just too young and was from a time where men waited until they were married to be intimate. So maybe he was incapable of being sexual without the bonds of marriage. Hell, I'd be open to the marriage thing if it got me Edward. Still nothing.

I watched him from afar over the years and jumped for joy each and every time he shunned the advances of other women. He just wasn't interested at all. He proved that with Rose when Carlisle brought her into his coven, and then time and time again when human women would throw themselves at him.

It was easy to assuage my ego with the fact that it was truly him and not me. I mean, on paper, we were perfect for each other. I was a vampire; so was he. I lived a vegetarian lifestyle; so did he. I had ties to his family just like he had ties to mine. Plus, we were both beautiful creatures.

I rejoiced when he went off on his own, and I even tried to track him down. I thought since he fell off of the wagon with his binge of humans, he might also be ready to give in to a few of his other baser needs. He might be ready to give in to his sexual needs as well…no such luck.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't celibate during this whole time. I definitely was a sexual being, and I needed that release to make my life more enjoyable. I had my fair share of men and learned very well what I liked and didn't like. I liked it when I was the aggressor; I wanted to hunt them so to speak. I liked to find the ones with an innocent appearance and bring them over to the dark side. It was so much more fun, and the orgasms that I had with those types of men were indescribable. It was a whole other level to the fun and sexual chemistry, when I knew my conquest was guilt ridden for the sex we'd had.

Maybe a psychologist would say that was part of my issue with Edward; I wanted to take away his innocence. Hell, maybe the chase and rejection from Edward made me this way. I couldn't remember the first time I worked to get that personality type in guys. Maybe it all goes hand in hand. Who cared as long as I got what I wanted.

And I always got what I wanted.

Years went by, and there was no real change in Edward; until the day that we heard from Carlisle that Edward had fallen in love with a human, but wanted to fight off the call to her.

'She's a human for crying out loud, this will never work', those were Edward's exact words, and they made me jump for joy. Then he showed up for almost a week in his attempt to stay away from her, and I was more than happy to show him what he could have with me. He wouldn't need to temper himself; we could be as forceful as we wanted, without the need to hold back at all. Little did I know, she was already so far under his skin that not a single word I said got through to him.

Edward decided that he would try to make the fragile relationship with Bella work, and see where things went; so he headed back home. Carlisle was optimistic for the relationship. He said that Edward had the restraint and devotion to be a good match for her, even if she was human. According to Carlisle, she was his physical age which was fairly young, but in Bella's case, she was a true old soul and Edward's perfect match. I pretended to be happy, but I waited patiently for it to end badly.

I knew Edward's aversion to our lifestyle. He admitted that most of the vampires he knew loved the lifestyle and what it afforded them. Of the vampires he knew, only Rosalie and him were opposed to the lifestyle. Rosalie, because of the things it took away from her. I didn't care about her opinion, she just needed to get the fuck over herself and be happy with Emmett. He could give her everything she wanted and more. Who really wanted kids that bad anyway? They cried, shit, and snotted all over everything.

My mom had one once and look where it got her.

Dead.

The Volturi killed her because she turned the demon child.

So, in my opinion, kids were a useless waste of space.

Then there was Edward's aversion. He didn't mind so much that he was a vampire, but he didn't agree with changing others. He believed that our souls were doomed to Hell when we were changed. To appease Edward, Carlisle and Eleazar spent time to see where vampires went once we were ended, and research didn't give any real proof either way. Why worry about that now? Worry about it when you were gone! I say enjoy what you got till its gone then worry about the rest later. We were fucking vampires after all. We could exist a long damn time. Why worry about the end when it was nowhere near?

We did venture down twice and visited with the Cullens. It was fun, and we always enjoyed ourselves. Forks, as small as it was, was still larger than our place in Alaska. On one of our trips, I was finally able to see Edward and his Bella together. I had to admit, I did see a change in him. His moodiness softened, and his smile was radiant. The absurd notion that love had made him more beautiful, actually was true in his case.

Plus, to know that I would be able to steal him away from his precious Bella, well…it only increased the sex appeal. Due to his aversion to her change, she would remain a human. He would live out life with her for whatever amount of time, and then I would swoop in and take him when she was no longer able to give him what he wanted or needed. Or…better yet, maybe she would die young from some dreadful disease and I'd get him that much sooner.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait for long. It seemed like, in the blink of an eye, Edward and the whole coven were back in Alaska with us. Seemed Edward realized the mistake of being with a human; she was too fragile. James had tried to attack her, and so had Jasper. James paid with his life, but Jasper paid with his daily depressed, and overly apologetic attitude. It was enough to make a vampire emo and want to slit their wrists.

We were fucking vampires, nothing could harm us. We had the world by the balls, and all any of them wanted to do was whine about it. Live it up people, for fucking real!

Edward brooded worse than ever, and I tried to be there for him. I wasn't a total heartless bitch; I did care for him. I was just a bit more practical then he was about the whole life, love, and liberty thing.

I watched him run off three times to go back to her. Each time I was more triumphant when he returned. Especially the last time, when he stated that she'd moved on; that she'd fallen in love with her friend from the Indian reservation. I knew that the door had finally been shut on Bella 'Fucking' Swan, and it was my turn to nurse Edward back to normal again.

I sat with him and we talked; I showed him my vulnerable and soft side. I allowed him to be the man, the aggressor in this relationship. I pointed out ways he was useful, and waited for him to see that. While I was made a little differently, I was still a woman, and I did still need a man with me. I would fully admit that the idea of a partner to go through life with me was appealing. All the other relationships I saw bore witness to how great it could be. Esme and Carlisle. Carmen and Eleazar. Jasper and Alice. Emmett and Rose.

So imagine my surprise when, one day, I followed him as he took a walk and he allowed me to stay; to scoot closer to sit with him and even allowed my hand to touch him. He looked tired, defeated, and just alone. The small part of me that had the instinct to nurture him took over, and I wanted to pull him close to me and hold him. To show him that I could make it all better for him.

I pushed myself to allow those same emotions to show through. Because let's be honest, I was alone and sad; I did want someone to love me and take care of me throughout this long life we were guaranteed. He asked me what I saw in him, and I poured out my heart. I was honest and told him that, at first, it was his looks, because it was. But then I went deeper and told him about his sense of humor, his nature that allowed him to care for people, his ability to know what people needed and desire to provide that to them. I was honest with him because there was no point to not be; he could read my mind for God's sake.

When his eyes flashed compassion and understanding, I went in for the kill. I told him how good we could be for each other. I told him all the reasons: I was like him. He wouldn't need to suffer needless guilt for my nature; it was out of his control. He didn't give in, but he did do something this time that he had never done before…he asked for time to think it over. What I wouldn't give to be able to read his mind right now, to know where I stood. I walked away and left him alone. Later that day, he was still gone. Jasper and Emmett said something about a hunt, but he had just hunted a few days ago. I assumed it was to get his thoughts in order, so that he would be ready to admit we could be good for each other. My smugness was soon shot down.

I slipped into the house and attempted to make my way to Edward's room. I wanted to be in his bed when we arrived. I stepped past the door to Rose and Emmett's room when I heard her as she talked to Esme.

"Alice said she had to go right then; that was the only chance to save her. Esme, what if she's too late? Edward would die if he knew she was gone." I knew they spoke about Bella. Edward was not that attached to anyone else, so it had to be her.

"Well, Rose, we just have to pray that they got there in time. She'll be fine." I heard Esme as she patted Rose on the arm. I moved away from the doorway and pretended that I had just arrived at the top of the stairs when they opened the door.

I knew they didn't know about my talk today with Edward, so I figured it would be no harm to ask what had them all upset. "Hey guys, what's up? You look stressed." I played it casual.

"Seems Alice had seen a disturbing vision of Bella; they've gone to Seattle to see if they can save her." Esme spoke as Rose grabbed her hand, and held on as the words tumbled from her mouth.

"Oh, well I was just gonna change and go for a long hunt. I should be back in a few days. Text me if you hear anything about her. That is a shame; I hope she got there in time as well." They both nodded and headed downstairs. I rushed to my room. I changed into full military style clothing and tied my shoes as I stepped off of the porch and ran towards Seattle.

When I hit the city limits of Seattle, I got a text. It was a simple explanation, but it told me enough.

**Alice made it, she's fine. In the W hotel, Alice will head back for a few things; I'll go and stay with Bella till Alice is all wrapped up in Alaska, About to leave here now. Rose**

If I hurried, I would have time to dispose of Bella and make it back so that it looked like I was on a hunt the whole time. I rushed to the W hotel and snuck onto the computer while the skanky bitch that ran the desk got her ass fucked by the nighttime bellman. I found Jasper's alias, and made my way up to the fifteenth floor.

Bella expected Rose, so she opened the door right away. Little did she know, it was me that stood on the other side.

Bella's shock registered. She knew about my history with Edward, so she knew that would I see her as a threat. "What are you doing here?"

I pushed past her skinny arm that she had as a block across her door and shoved it closed. I twisted the latch and dropped the chain in place before I turned to look her in the eyes. Her skin was pale, and I saw some slight bruises along her arms and neck. I hoped that she got what she deserved, the bitch.

I stepped slowly, one foot in front of the other, as I walked toward her. Even in my boots without a heel, I towered over her. I leaned in slightly and pressed myself into her personal space.

"Now, Bella, you didn't think I would allow you to waltz back in here and take Edward back without a fight, did you?" Her eyes widened, and I saw the blood as it rushed through the vein in her neck. It pulsed and swelled with the increased blood, and I wanted it; I wanted her blood.

I would drain her dry and dispose of her body.

I would make it look like someone broke in and attacked her.

Like she was a random victim, I would even kill a few others to make it look believable.

Then I could play the hero to Edward and Carlisle.

I would tell them that I killed the bad guy for them.

It's a win-win.

I smacked my lips with glee and advanced on Bella. "He's mine now, bitch. I won't put up with you creeping up every few years causing us trouble. We're gonna end this right here, right now!" Just as I prepared to jump and attack, I saw Bella throw her arm up and I changed my focus. I would go for the wrist instead. I could already taste the blood and how good it would feel as it seeped down the back of my throat. I sank my teeth into her feeble skin. I relished the taste because it was as good as I thought it would be. Even better. I didn't know how Edward hadn't just killed her so long ago. I felt the venom as it dripped off of my teeth and hoped that it began to course through her before I drained her dry. I would sit back and laugh my ass off as she writhed in pain. Now, she would be out of both of our lives.

Suddenly, I was thrown back into the wall; I could feel the feeble drywall give way with my force. When I stood back up, I was shocked to see his golden eyes as they look back at me. Edward. I wiped the blood off of my mouth and realized that I no longer had a chance with him. The look of disgust in his eyes said it all. I moved to flee the room. His loud voice commanded for me to, "stop!" but I continued to run. I knew that he no longer wanted me, so I had no purpose to be there.

His hands grabbed my neck, and I felt his teeth as they sliced through my skin as well.

Maybe he was more attached to her than I thought.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: So do we love her, hate her, feel differently than when you first started this chapter? Are you surprised? Did you see that coming? I want to write a story where Tanya and Jacob end up together, LOL, they are two peas in a pod so they have to understand each other. Okay, I'm fail at review replies, I'm sorry. We all have real lives and not matter how hard I try, mine just doesn't slow down. I do read them and chuckle, cry or scream along with you! I swear : ) I can't promise that my ability to respond will improve but I will let you know that I do so love to get them each and every chapter, so there. It's up to you to decide if you want to drop down and leave me a comment in the newly placed oh so handy box! **

**Till next time...**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:Well I am surprised that you all had opinions on the last chapter! I loved reading each and every one of them! I got you all a small surprised that even surprised me...this is an Edward chapter! I mislabeled it, so I thought you all got Bella then Edward. Oh well...!**

**Polyvore stuff is where it usually is and playlist is right here: Blow Me(One Last Kiss) by P!nk, Bitterness or Sympathy by Ron Pope, Tickets by Maroon 5, Beggin' bu Phillip Phillips or Madcon, Yesterday by Tony Luca and Adam Levine or The Beatles, No One by Alicia Keys, Sorry by Buckcherry, Here I Am (Just When I Thought I Was Over You) by Air Supply**

**Thanks to all my peeps! My betas, my pre-readers, my readers and my reviewers! I love you all!**

**On with the chapter...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

**Edward**

_Fucking Bella, always about her…She just doesn't know when to go away…See if she can recover from this vampire attack…I'll end this right fucking now, in fact, I'll end her right now…She will not take Edward away from me when I'm so close to everything I have ever wanted…She'll fucking die tonight…I'll make sure of it._

My rage was undeniable; it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was a million times more than anything I'd ever felt. Tanya, of all people, had the nerve to find her way to Bella and attempt to handle a situation. At least from what I had heard, I had no choice but to believe it because it came directly from her mind, so how far off could I really be with my assessment?

I stopped dead in my tracks. I had no idea Bella was anywhere close; I thought she was still in Forks. I had been good and stayed away after I saw her with Jacob Black. She looked happy, so I left her alone. I had made the sacrifice to allow her to live her life; she didn't need my craziness to interfere with hers. I decided to sacrifice what we had and live out the rest of my existence with Tanya Denali. I did this for Bella's happiness.

Now, I heard from Tanya's own head, she's on her way to Seattle to end Bella's life? What the fuck?

I was a little behind Tanya; it was a stroke of pure luck I had even heard her thoughts in the woods on my way back from Seattle to begin with. Apparently, she was so wrapped up in her head and her thoughts were extremely loud, so she didn't hear me at all.

I turned, and took off in the direction in which had I just came in order to follow Tanya's thoughts. I needed to get to Bella and protect her. I needed to stop Tanya before she accomplished her goal. She should know nothing nor no one would ever be able to harm Bella, if I had any say in it. The pitiful alliance between our families should not be enough of a bond for her to think she would ever be chosen over Bella. It just would _not_ happen.

I reached into my pants pocket and pulled out my phone to call Alice. She picked up on the first ring, and I didn't even give her the chance to speak a greeting. "What the hell is going on? I just heard Tanya on her way to Seattle to take care of Bella." I spit the words out with the same sneer as Tanya gave them when she thought them.

Alice spoke to me immediately. I recognized the whir of the wind as she ran herself, probably in the same direction I ran myself. "Edward, I saw a vision of Bella, so I went to Seattle, and saved her. I'll explain later. Tanya must have overheard what happened. I just saw a vision of Tanya at the hotel room with Bella. Jasper and I are on our way there now. How close are you?"

"I'm just a little ways behind Tanya. I'm gonna fucking kill her. Hurry! I'll need help to clean it all up," I snarled into the phone, and slammed it close. I really wanted to smash it into a million pieces, but I knew in a case like this, I needed it more than I needed to set my anger free.

I made it all the way to the city limits of Seattle before I lost Tanya's thoughts. She was quickly found though, because her angry shouts carried like a scream across an open field. It echoed so loudly I was able to turn, and make my way towards her immediately. For once, I was thankful for Tanya's inability to hide her thoughts from me.

I marched into the W hotel with purpose, but I had to remember I was in front of humans. I needed to temper myself for them. I couldn't draw any unwanted attention from anyone; I needed every single moment available. I pressed the button, several times, to call the elevator. Nothing moved at the pace I wanted it to. My brain screamed out all the things it wanted to do to Tanya, and yet I couldn't get close to her fast enough to enact any of those things.

_Please, please, let Bella be alright. I can't beg enough. Please, let her. I know my soul doesn't mean a thing to you, but hers does. She is good, sweet, and caring; she is the kind of person you want, the kind that makes you proud. She puts others first and cares deeply. Please, God, let her be fine. She deserves it, not for me, for her. Please. _

I prayed the whole way up in the elevator. As soon as the door split a crack, I pushed it open, and made my way down the hall toward Tanya's thoughts. I actually thought I heard Bella's faint ramblings as well.

Not her speaking voice, but the rambling's in her mind.

I couldn't be sure, because I had never heard them before. I wanted to stop and marvel at the idea, somehow or another, I could now hear her, but I couldn't afford the time loss. I rushed to the open door of the room, and waited for my chance to attack Tanya.

Bella stood facing me, she was so damned beautiful. She looked off somehow. Maybe drugged up? Even in her dazed condition she was beautiful. I had missed her so damned much. I snapped my attention back to Tanya. Neither of them had noticed me, so I used that fact to my advantage. I slid the door open slightly and stepped inside a half a step, so nothing stood between me and my prey…Tanya.

Tanya took her opportunity as Bella threw her arm up. I saw Tanya's mouth as it closed around Bella's wrist. Venom flooded my mouth as the anger filled my body in equal proportions. She knew, she fucking knew how I felt about Bella's change. Then, I heard the thought that filled me with dread, Tanya wanted her dead. She wanted to drain Bella and blame it on a random act by a serial killer. She even planned to kill a few others here in the hotel to make it look random.

I heard the blood as it ran down Tanya's throat and I sprung into action. I reached to pull her off of Bella, but I was afraid the force of my pull would hurt Bella, so I stopped mid jump.

In Tanya's mind, she waxed poetically about how she was amazed I didn't kill Bella based on the sweet smell of her blood, and so on.

I saw my chance when I heard her grip relax slightly. I reached out, and threw Tanya across the room. Someone would pay a hefty a fee for the damages to this room, but I just couldn't be bothered to care right now. I just wanted Tanya dead.

I chanced a quick glance at Bella. She lay across the floor, her eyes were squeezed shut, and she held her wrist in her other hand. Every so often, her back arched up off of the floor, but she was silent. No noise.

I've seen her like this before. She mimicked her actions from when James bit her in the ballet studio. Only now, I couldn't spare a second to stop the venom.

I heard Alice's thoughts as she yelled at me. She was in the lobby now. Soon, she and Jasper would be up here, and I could help Bella.

Tanya saw my momentary distraction, and tried to make a move to flee. I commanded her to "stop," and she almost complied. I could see resignation in her eyes as she moved again. She thought about her move towards the door a half a second before she actually moved. It was enough time to allow me to catch her. I took the chance to attack since her back was exposed. I reached out and grabbed her neck. I sank my fangs into her, and ripped the skin. Her body fell gracefully to the floor. The gentleman my mother raised, wanted to protest in anger at the brutal attack to her back, while she was unable to defend herself. The angered vampire that loved Bella with all of his cold, dead heart told the gentleman side to 'shut the fuck up'.

Alice and Jasper rushed in. Jasper scooped up Tanya and fled. I heard his explanation of what he planned to do. He wanted to meet up with Emmett, and burn the body far enough from the city so it wouldn't gather any attention. I could care less what they did with her.

I turned, and focused on Bella.

Alice crouched down beside Bella, while she tried unsuccessfully to soothe her. Her body flailed like a fish out of water. I knew we were too late; I could smell the difference in her blood, but that didn't stop me as I moved to grab her wrist to try to suck the venom out as best as I could. "Edward, stop! Don't." Alice frowned, and focused on nothing for a moment. "Let her change. If you stop it now, I see her attacked by Victoria, and she'll be hurt, tortured, and then killed." I stopped my momentum and watched the images as they flashed across Alice's mind. I didn't want this lifestyle at all for her. I wanted her to live happily, but a violent death at the hands of Victoria would certain do away with the happy part, in my opinion anyway.

I had to ask myself how long could I stand guard for her?

How long could I protect her from afar?

How long could I ask Alice to watch out for her and keep her safe?

"What do you see when I let it happen?" I asked, bent over her body, ready to do what I needed to do.

Alice focused again, and a smile graced her face. "Oh, Edward, she is so beautiful. She is something to behold, really. She looks happy." Her face glazed over with what she saw, and I argued with myself. I wanted her happy, that is all I have ever wanted for her.

Should I allow the change to happen if I knew she would be happy?

She had said all along she would be happy with this lifestyle. She knew what she asked for, better than any of the rest of us. She had done her research; she deserved to choose for herself. Based on past experience, she would choose this option.

Rose rushed into the room. "We need to get out of here quickly. Bella can't hold it in for much longer; she needs a safe place to do this. I've got a van, and Emmett has doubled back to meet Jasper. Let's go." Alice and Rose moved about the room, and gathered the few things they had for Bella. I scooped her up, and moved down the opposite end of the hallway toward the service elevator. Rose and Alice followed. We all moved as a unit. The two of them were in front of me, so they could act as a shield for me as I carried Bella.

I settled into the middle seat with her, and Rose jumped in the driver's seat. We squealed out of the garage, and left the scene behind.

I brushed the damp hair away from Bella's face. I spoke to her in a hushed voice, and prayed she could hear me. That somehow or another I would be able to offer her some comfort; some help to guide her through this painful process.

As I stared at her, I noticed the differences in her since I last saw her. She was a little thinner, and she wore her hair wilder than before, it was a different color than I remembered. I knew she had dyed it, because a vampire's memory was flawless. It also had streaks of red highlights in it. I heard Rose compliment Bella's hair in her mind as we moved down the hall earlier.

I also noticed the small stud in Bella's nose. I was a very traditional man for my time and didn't take to new ideas easily, but I had to say, the small sliver of a diamond was sexy as hell on Bella's body. I also noted the tattoo on the right side of her rib cage. I would have to look at it in detail later, if I got the chance.

I wasn't sure what to make of this 'new Bella'. She seemed wilder and more reckless since I had left.

And why the hell wasn't she with Jacob anymore? Why didn't he protect her from this guy that drugged and almost raped her?

This brought a new idea to my head. "Alice, I heard Bella's thoughts as I came down the hall. I know it was her; it sounded like her. It _was_ her, but how?" I asked as I leaned down and kissed her forehead. She looked so beautiful as she lay there on my lap so still. She almost looked peaceful.

My mind was frantic with how quiet she was. I begged for leniency for her. I would gladly give up everything I had for her. I would give her everything I had to take her place, to make it easy for her. As much as I wanted to…I just couldn't take this from her this time, I couldn't protect her this time. This was all on her. She would finally get what she had wanted for so long now. I just hoped when she woke, she found the outcome was worth the risks.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: GASP...he heard...he heard her? What does that mean you think? **

**Till next time...**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:Another chapter for you all! We are half way done now, it seems like such a huge shock for me to say that! Good thing is that I only have three chapters left to write and it will be completed so no worries on posting delays! Thanks to all the same peeps, SBP,TWJ,MD93,TOK, TTH, and all of you readers! **

**Playlist: Come Home-OneRepublic & Sara Barellis, Leave Out All The Rest-Linkin Park, Still- The Commodores, Stay- Little Big Town, Love Will Keep You Up All Night- BSB, It Was- Chely Wright**

**Get down there and read now...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

**Edward**

We pulled into the driveway of the house in Forks. I saw Carlisle and Esme on the porch as they waited for us. Carlisle already asked questions from the porch. He was concerned with her physically; was she all right? Did the change seem to be per the normal? All of these things were not something that I could answer for him. He had far more experience with this than I did. I just needed to get her to him. He could do everything? He could make this all right.

He rushed forward, and took her from my arms. She looked so small, and fragile. I had always been someone who didn't believe that our kind was worthy of sympathy from God, but all I found that I did was begged in his ear for Bella's sake. I only hoped that I was wrong, and Carlisle was right, or actually Bella.

Before I had left, Bella was the one that lobbied that God cared about all of his creatures. She refused to believe that our change made any difference with Him. Carlisle always believed as she did, so they banned together and talked in detail about it. The rest of us were afraid to comment, except for me. I was the only one to voice my opinion at all.

We sat with Bella for a few hours before Carlisle asked us to meet him in the dining room, which was our conference room, since we didn't use it for dining. Each of us shuffled in, we all seemed to be reluctant to leave Bella in the other room, even though we knew she should be out for at least sixty more hours.

In the short time we had been back, Esme, Alice, and Rose had opened up the house. Jasper and Emmett had showered, and Carlisle and I had tended to Bella. It almost seemed normal for us; like everything from the time we left Forks to now never happened. It was almost surreal, the time difference, the changes, everything. Even my vampire brain had a hard time with the comprehension of it all.

We settled into our seats, and waited for Carlisle. "Okay, let's lay out everything that happened today, so we all can make sense of it all. Let's start with Edward." He turned to me. "What do you know?"

I rubbed a hand across my face, and admitted the worst decision of my life. "I, uh…well, I caved today. I spoke with Emmett and you, and when you both left, I sat alone on the rocks. Tanya joined me. We talked, and she convinced me that it might benefit us both to spend our lives together. So I left, and went to Seattle. I wanted to get a ring for Tanya to ask her to marry me." Several gasps could be heard around the table. Each mind whet chaotic with thoughts, but I ignored them. I continued without eye contact, I couldn't look at them. I couldn't bear to see the mistake I made in their eyes. "On my way back, I heard Tanya's thoughts. She was ranting about Bella, again and how she wouldn't let Bella come between us when she was so close to having it all. I followed her to the W hotel, and found her with Bella. That's all I know." I was emotionally drained; I wanted to sleep for the first time since I woke up a vampire.

Carlisle nodded. "Okay, Alice, looks like we need your point of view now, seems like you were the catalyst here."

I tensed up because I knew that Alice didn't want to share what happened in Seattle before Tanya got involved. She felt like it was Bella's story to tell, and didn't want to take that away from her. She had made that plain by the constant barrage of strange foreign languages that she ran through her head all day long. She obviously wanted to keep me out. Not that I wanted to invade, but part of me needed to know what went down. I was willing to wait my turn, though. If Bella wanted to tell me, then I would hear it.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay and hear this part. I glanced to Alice, and she nodded to me. I took this as a sign for me to stay. Each of the other members of my family offered a small thought of support for me.

Jasper took her hand, and she gave a small nod in answer to his unasked question as she began to speak. "It was time to clean out the closets again. As I stepped in, and touched the blue dress that I let Bella wear to prom, I saw her laid out across a bed. She was tied up, and obviously distressed."

I grabbed the edge of the table. I tried not to ruin it since Esme was fond of her antique table. It took all of my restraint, but I was able to let it go. Esme moved around and took the vacant seat, the seat that would now be for Bella, and held my hand.

"_Just remember she's fine now, she made it out, okay?"_ Esme spoke to me through her thoughts. I nodded at her first, then at Alice secondly so she would continue.

"She had apparently been drugged, and taken to her boyfriend's apartment against her will. He planned to rape her; then share her with a few of his friends." I gasped, and a strangled sob escaped from my mouth. It killed me to think of _my Bella_ in that position.

Alice continued. "I saw her there, so I grabbed Jasper, and we took off to save her. When we got there, she was still tied up, but was passed out. Jasper took care of the boys, and I took Bella to the W hotel. Jasper joined us there. We stayed and waited for Bella to sleep off the drugs. I called Rose, and told her we needed to come back to Alaska." Alice looked up at me, and asked internally if I was okay. I nodded at her. "I wanted to come back, and pack some things. We wanted to talk to you, Carlisle, and discuss the fact that Jasper and I would bring Bella back here to Forks. We would stay with her until she was better. On our way back to Alaska, I saw Tanya walk into the hotel, and knock on the door of the room. I turned, and began the trip back. That's when Edward called me." She looked sick, physically ill after her speech. I offered her a small smile.

Carlisle continued. "I guess somewhere along the lines is when Jasper called Emmett and Rose, who in turned called Esme and I. I'm taking it that Tanya managed to bite Bella?" Alice and I nodded our heads in response.

I offered this part of the story since I was the closest one to Tanya at that point. "Yeah, I lost her in the chaos of the hotel lobby, and it took me a minute to get upstairs to her. By the time I reached the room, she was ready to strike. Bella threw her arm up to cover herself, and Tanya bit her wrist." I dropped my head as I whispered, "I killed Tanya."

Jasper clasped my shoulder. "Hey, she was wrong. You can't feel guilty for correcting her for what she did. Bella was innocent, and did not deserve Tanya's wrath. Tanya _did_ deserve yours."

Emmett nodded his head. His thoughts offered a few more colorful words in his response to me.

Carlisle walked towards me as he spoke again; I felt his hand on my shoulder. It was his way to let me know that he was also in agreement with Emmett and Jasper. "So, where do we go from here?" Carlisle's gaze settled on Alice again. So she spoke up once more.

"I talked to Edward at the hotel room. I saw when he decided that he would try to suck the venom out, and let Bella stay human; she would be hunted down, and tortured. In light of the fact that Bella wanted to be a vampire, I encouraged him to let the change happen," Alice said.

Rose then spoke up for the first time tonight. "I think Bella would like a little peace. She has had to fight for so long and so hard just to make it in this world. I think she would be happy to know that she at least has a fighting chance now." Rose's gaze drifted around the room and settled on each of us for a few seconds before she spoke again. "We forget she had a choice, I say we let her wake up, and ask her what she wants." Rose gave me a pointed look, and I sulked. She was absolutely right, though. "Let's finally give her a choice, let her be in charge of her future. If she wants to stay with us then fine. If not, when her newborn year is up, and she is capable of being on her own, we turn her loose." I was shocked at Rose's assessment, it was more than fair, and certainly more than I thought Rose would offer. I was always sure that Rose didn't like Bella, much less be the one that would have her back right now.

I looked around the room, and all minds agreed with Rose. I did as well.

I only prayed that I had a chance to make her understand why I did what I did.

To show her how much I still loved her before that year was up.

Because at the end of that year … if she chose to leave.

I had no choice but to give her the freedom to move on without us.

I left the room, and made a call to Jason Jenks. I knew that Jasper usually handled all our business affairs and therefore usually called Jenks. But this was important to me that I wanted to handle it for myself. Jenks' secretary answered, and I asked for him. When I gave my name, she put me through immediately. I could still hear the food in his mouth as he ground his teeth together, before calling out his greeting to me. "Mr. Edward, I'm not sure I've ever had the pleasure of speaking directly with you, Sir. Usually Mr. Jasper calls me, what can I do for you?"

I almost chuckled at the slight fear and intimidation that I heard in his voice. He was paid well to not ask questions, but to simply do what we said, when we said to do it. Those types of relationships usually mean some pretty large secrets in the closets of those who pay so well to keep the closets closed. That fact alone was enough to scare him. I'm sure he was somewhat close in his guesses as to what we really were, but he was wise enough to keep his mouth shut.

"Mr. Jenks, Jasper has always relayed to me how trustworthy you are in your business matters, is that so?" I kept myself detached and formal.

"Why, yes, Sir, that is so. Can I do anything for you today?" he asked again.

"I need the normal background paperwork for someone. Her name is Isabella…uhm…Masen. She will need a social security card, driver's license, birth certificate, passport; the whole works. She's twenty-one years old. I'll e-mail a picture, and all the details you'll need to make this happen." I heard Jenks' pen scratch as he wrote down what I needed. I liked that, no mistakes. I would tip him well this time. "I also need to set up a bank account, some investments, and credit cards at all the major stores. Give her an account at any place that Alice Cullen has one. I'll e-mail as well, the details of the dollar amount to transfer from my accounts to hers, and where you can send all of the documentation. Any questions?" I wanted Bella taken care of, and let's be honest, I had more money than I would ever be able to use. With Alice's visions, and my abilities combined we were able to make a fortune for each of us, good thing too, because being a vampire was not cheap.

"No, Sir, I'll wait for the e-mails. Mr. Jasper has the email address, I'm sure. I'll forward any questions I have at that time. Thank you, Sir. It's a pleasure doing business with you, personally, this time."

"And you as well, Mr. Jenks." I hung up, and went in search of Jasper. We both sat down, and he transcribed all the details, amounts, personal details on Bella. Alice assured me that we wanted to wait for her to wake up before we sent the picture, so we ended the e-mail.

"Isabella Masen, huh?" Jasper elbowed me in the side at the obvious name that I had chosen for Bella to use.

"Well, I didn't think this out nor did I take the time to plan a name for her, so when Jenks asked me, I panicked a little. She can change it if she doesn't like it. She just couldn't be Bella Swan anymore." I shrugged, and I heard the large laugh that Jasper held inside of his head.

"Okay, sure. Next time, how about you let me make the calls, and handle this stuff? I knew what he needed, and would ask. I could have at least given her a decent name." He jabbed me again. I shoved his arm back, and smacked him.

"What the hell is wrong with my name?" All mouths in the house gasped, well, except Bella's. I was not one prone to profanity, and I guess my slip was enough to give them all pause. Emmett cheered. He had tried to get me to loosen up my vocabulary for years now. Boy, if he could have only heard me yesterday on my way up to the hotel room to stop Tanya. He would have lost his marbles over my vocabulary then!

Given Bella's new relaxed attitude and the new direction that her life had taken, I was sure her and Emmett, would be quite the team now.

I just had to wait for her to wake up to find out.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:Okay for me...the name Masen, well, it just does things to me! (So many of my friends know this and use it to their advantage, shame on them!) When it came time for Bella to get a new name, that was the only one to use, in my opinion. Besides, he's gonna want his name on her right? Well, let's just see what Bella thinks of that when she wakes up! There might be some hell to pay! **

**Till next time...**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry this is late, life gets in the way, can't really change that! Love to my girls, you all mean so much to me for different reasons! I have a new story that posted tonight as well. It's a really short, drabble story. Kyla and I are writing it together, sort of. I write Edward and she writes Bella, it's their love notes, texts and emails that they use so that they are Always In Touch with each other. I said it would post once per day for the whole month of August but I have so much he wants to say so it might be more...will you mind? Didn't think so! Also got another chapter of Metal Pointe for you later this week, maybe even two...who knows! This is back to Bella now, let's see what she is up to, shall we? **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

**Bella**

The war that waged inside my body was fierce. I lay for what seemed like an eternity, but later I would find out it was only a little over two full days. The whole time I was out, I heard their voices as they talked about my future, and what to do with me.

Well, I had a thing or two to tell all of them; I was finally fully able to take care of myself. They didn't need to do anything with me. Now, if they didn't want me that was one thing, but if they were worried that I needed help, well, that was a useless sentiment.

I wanted to tell them that. I wanted to scream, and bring some attention to myself, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to communicate if I had them run in, and check on me, so it seemed like a useless point. I just waited for it to all end, and my life as a vampire to begin. Then, I could tell them anything I wanted.

I heard Edward's voice the most. Maybe because of the obviously selfish reason, because his was the one voice I had longed to hear for so long. He seemed hopeful at times; but then at others he was sad, scared, and maybe a little pissed. I had no idea how to describe him at this point. I had seen a totally different side of Edward in the last few days. When he showed up at the hotel room, even in my 'semi-drugged out' state, I knew that his behavior, language, and anger were far beyond what I had ever seen from him. I didn't know if I should be encouraged or discouraged by this new side of him. It was all just too much to process at the moment. Instead, my body focused on the war that waged within me. That was all I could handle right this moment.

Carlisle and Edward played a game of 'what if' one day. They spent several hours on what they thought my special talent would be. Why Edward did this when he refused to change me was beyond stupid, but he humored Carlisle all the same. Edward based his ideas on his inability to read my mind. As soon as Jasper heard the debate, well, he couldn't keep himself out of it. That was the military strategist in him, for sure. Jasper debated the issue of his ability to affect my moods, and used it as a basis to argue against what Carlisle and Edward decided. I think he just wanted to argue for argument's sake, to be honest. Carlisle was torn. He said, so often he had seen vampire's abilities match true characteristics of their human life, and yet at other times, it was totally different. So, at the end of the argument they each went their separate ways, and I was sure, each was certain that they were the correct.

I never spoke up while they had this debate so long ago. First, because I was afraid I would freak Edward out by showing him that I had thought this out myself. Secondly, because I didn't want to offend Jasper or Carlisle with their well thought out ideas, but…I was sure that Edward was right. I was fairly certain that I would be a shield, as Carlisle called it. Now, exactly what kind of a shield? Who the hell knew, Since Carlisle said there were several different kinds of shields, it was anyone's guess.

Certain shields could block emotions and senses. Which was what Alec, a guard for the Volturi could do. He could cut you off, and leave you bewildered as others attacked you.

Then, there was the type of shield that could cast a physical shield around either themselves or, if they were strong enough, a whole group of people. Only the stronger ones could protect a whole group of people at one time, because it physically drained the shield to protect that many people from the attacker's gift.

The last type was a shield that could plant ideas, images, or thoughts into people's heads. They could make you believe you were somewhere far away from your actual location, they could plant thoughts in your mind so you thought you knew things with such certainty that you would follow those thoughts, in order to lead you off in the wrong direction.

I hoped if I was a shield, for was the ability to protect people. I would be more than happy to be that kind of shield. But, again, only time would tell for me. If I had that ability, it would certainly make us an unstoppable force; that much was for sure.

It shocked me that I thought of us as a group. It seemed that I had already decided where I would spend my time as a vampire, with the Cullen's.

So, that realization brought me to the next inner battle to deal with. What to do about Edward? I loved him, this was without a doubt, but could I forgive him for what he had done to me? Could I forget the fact that he made a life altering decision without me? Did he do it out of thoughts for my protection that were from a pure place? Because if so, then he really screwed up. I mean he left, and I was _still_ hunted down by a vampire. Or did he do it because he felt superior to me, and therefore thought he had the ability to make a decision for me?

How did I reconcile myself with him, and make a relationship work? Was that even possible? Would he acknowledge that I now was on even ground with him, and therefore deserved an equal say in what happened? Those were all things we would need to discuss. Once he had groveled enough to satisfy me; once he had assured me that his intentions were all pure, and for my best interest.

He had better hope he could do just that, because if not, then I was on my own and we would simply be brother and sister, like the rest of the household.

I occupied the rest of my time as I changed with what I would do with the endless amount of time that I now had. I had so much time already around the others that I knew without a doubt that each of them had talents that they could teach me. I wanted to appease Alice. I knew that the way to do so would be if I took an interest in her fashion knowledge, so I would spend time with her, and learn some fashion sense.

What is the point of being a vampire if I didn't take advantage of all that it had to offer? Why shouldn't I walk in heels now? There really was no reason not to, especially now that my clumsy human self was gone. I would now be one of the most graceful creatures on the face of the earth. I would learn about fabrics, cuts, accessories, and all the other important details. She would be thrilled to teach me to paint my nails, fix my hair, apply make-up, and all sorts of other endless things she had done for me up until this point.

Then I'd move on to Jasper and learn military strategy from him. There is a useful point for that type of information in all aspects of life, not just war. He could also teach me how to ride a horse. I always wanted to learn as a child, but Renee was too scared of them to allow me to learn. Now I had none of the stupid human restrictions, so I wanted to learn. I was certain that Jasper would love to teach me; he was always so proud of his heritage. Maybe he could also help me refine my motorcycle riding skills as well. I've seen his Ducati in the garage; I knew he loved to ride. I probably would spend some time in his head, and learn a little bit more about our early years as a country as well. Again, that kind of information could never hurt to know.

Emmett…now Emmett could teach me combat. He could show me how to use my body to my best advantage. He knew several forms of martial arts as well as boxing. He would be my physical guru. I also had a long held grudge against him for humiliating me in a game of Mortal Kombat, so it goes without saying that we would spend some time on the game consoles as well.

Next, I would move on to Esme. She had so many talents that it would be hard to choose what I wanted her to help me with. I knew I wanted her to give me some basics on interior decorating. I always admired how her house was so warm and comforting. I wanted something that felt the same, a place where we felt at home, and knew that we were safe. As funny as it felt, I wanted Edward and me to have the perfect home. I wasn't sure that we would end up together, living as a couple, but in my mind we would. And if we did, I wanted it to be perfect for us. Silly, but it was the God's honest truth. Esme also had a pretty good handle on how to appease all members of the family without hurting a single one. I was certain that was a great skill to have. 'Blessed are the peacemakers' or something like that. Esme's compassion and ability to know what every one of us needed was a true blessing. I hoped that I could emulate her on this point as well.

Rose would probably be next. She had lots of talents, but I think what I hoped to learn from her was her ability to speak her mind; to show me that it is okay to have my opinion, and make it known. I needed a little of her fierceness. Also, it wouldn't hurt me to learn a thing or two about cars. Hell, I could ride a motorcycle now, so I would need to know how to work on them. Besides, what guy hasn't had the fantasy that a hot girl climbs out from under the hood of his car?

I knew for sure that Edward had. He mentioned it one time when we spoke about things like that. It took some prodding, but he finally admitted it to me. I think Rose could also teach me a thing or two in the bedroom; that was if I had the nerve to ask her those sorts of questions.

Next, I would approach Carlisle. He had so many years of experience, so I would let him decide what he would like to pass along to me. I was certain that no matter what he chose, I would appreciate the knowledge. I knew that I wanted to hear his ideas on compassion and learn how he was able to accept everyone without judgment.

Then lastly, I would approach Edward. Or maybe I would take bits of wisdom from him all along my journey; it all just depended on him. He had so much music, poetry, and book knowledge that I couldn't wait to talk to him, vampire to vampire, when I couldn't forget half of what he said to me.

I was so thrilled, and part of me wished I could hurry up my change; to rush it so I could get on with the life I had asked for numerous times over the last couple of years. I wanted to be ready to finally live without fear. I was thrilled about my change, and wanted to enjoy each and every part…experience each and every part.

I just had to be patient enough to allow it to happen, so I could wake up.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: It was too late to do a playlist, maybe I will add it later, again, forgive me ? I'd love to hear from you, it makes me do a little happy dance everytime I get a review, fave or whatever from you guys! Swear it. No Polyvore set for this chapter but the rest are in the same old place and good thing is that the links now work again on my profile so you are welcome to head over to the profile and find a quick link again! Hope you like them!**

**Till next time...**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:Okay...so, I'm a dumb ass! I just posted a set on polyvore for chapter 19, but there is no way to unpost it so you all get to see it a week early. How's that? Anyway, here is my chapter for this week, thanks for the love and support! It's been crazy, busy so no playlist for this one. Mad love to mamadog93-cause it is really her little baby plot, she just let me write it! And to Twistar Junkie and Shadowed by Passion cause it takes both of them to make me readable! To the rest of you, ILYSFM! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

**Bella**

I could hear, feel, and sense all that happened around me, but I was still too afraid to make a sound. I was afraid if I opened my mouth, I would scream and wail. I didn't want anyone to feel guilty for what I went through. It wasn't their fault. Besides, it was something that I knew I would have to suffer through to become a vampire, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. I wanted it that bad.

I knew soon I would come out of my suspension, so to speak. The fire that licked and ripped at my feet had subsided. It spread upwards in my body and I felt my heart take off in a sprint. I had never heard of these symptoms, but it seemed to mean the end was near. I laid still and waited for it to be over. I wanted to start my life; at least the part of my life I felt would finally belong to me, the part I actually wanted to participate in.

The faster my heart raced, the closer the others in the house drifted to me. It was a signal that they all knew. I could sense their positions in the house. Esme stood at the doorway, as Carlisle moved around the room, and prepared things. Emmett and Jasper sat on the couch in the living room; I could hear the football game they listened to. Alice and Rose were upstairs in Alice's closet. They had the really important decision of what my first outfit I wore, as a vampire, would be in front of them. They pulled and negated many options. I hoped they choose soon. The purple shirt Alice described sounded good to me; I hoped she would pull that one back out. Edward…well he sat off in the corner of the room and brooded.

Okay, I don't know for certain that he brooded. I wasn't that in touch with my world yet, but I did know him, and I would take a big fat bet he did actually brood out there. In fact, I was so certain I was right, I would be willing to drink the one thing that was worse than anything else, according to the vampires… milk.

The constant conversation in my own head kept my concentration off of the pain and fire ran through my body. It helped me remain calm and focused. I could tell how much space had been freed from the fire as I spoke to myself. My legs, arms and half of my torso were now free from it. I just had to wait for my heart to take its last beat.

It must have been time because I heard the door open, and all the rest of the family made their way into the room. I smelled them, and even though the last time I was with them I was a human, I still recognized them immediately. I knew Edward stood the furthest back from me. It killed me he still didn't want me even though I was now like him. I wanted to hold out my hand and pull him to me, but I couldn't. He still didn't want me.

At the same time, my heart stuttered, and the last bit of pain left my body. I knew, thankfully it was over. I was still for a fraction of a second; I just wanted to get my bearings first.

"Bella?" Carlisle stepped close, and placed his hand on my arm.

I slowly moved my hand, and took his hand in mine. Esme gasped, and I turned my head. When I opened my eyes, I looked directly at Carlisle. It was a comfort to see him there with his gentle smile that told me how much he understood my situation. I smiled back at him, even though it was not the face I wanted to see as soon as I woke up.

I realized the internal monologue in my head meant I had not spoken to any of them yet.

"Hey." I was so shocked at the sweet, melodic voice that came from my mouth. I smiled at the sound, and Carlisle must have understood, because his smile widened as well.

Esme, Alice, and Rose all moved towards my bed as Carlisle and I exchanged looks. As soon as my body began to move forward to sit, all three women made their descent upon me. The joy and happiness was evident as they held me. I was literally wrapped up in the three of them, and our tears would certainly have flowed if we were still human.

I glanced over at Jasper, Emmett, and finally to Edward. All three of them smiled back at our mangled mass of bodies. My heart ached to take Edward into my arms and let him hold me; to let him acclimate to me, just to have him with me. My smile dropped a fraction, and Rose saw it. She questioned me with her eyes, and I pulled the corners up higher to assure her I was really fine.

I shut off those feelings of inadequacy, and put on my newer stronger attitude. "All right, ladies, I've waited quite awhile to be a vamp, so let's get this show on the road." I pushed them away, too hard of course because I was unused to my strength, as I jumped off of the bed and turned towards the door. Jasper and Emmett both stood a little taller as they blocked the exit. I understood they were scared of my newborn status, but to be honest, they didn't need to be. I wasn't going out of the house; I just wanted to start using my new muscles and my new senses. I just wanted to get started.

Alice and Rose pulled me along, and up the stairs we went. I passed right by Edward, and he gave me a slight, shy smile. I didn't want to read too much into it. I knew he no longer wanted me, so I let the smile go.

We spent the rest of the day in the room. I was a life-sized Bella Barbie. For the first time, I loved it. I walked in heels without any wobbles or falls. I put on sexy lingerie and looked hot. I wore clothes I would have never imagined wearing before. This new confidence astounded me because I wanted it for so long as a human, but just never found it. The closest I got was when I had been loved by Edward. His love gave me the confidence to hold my head up.

I marched downstairs with a ton of ideas in my head. It was amazing how many thoughts I could have and still keep them all in order. I had a list of things I wanted to talk to each and every member of my family about.

As soon as my foot hit the bottom step, the rest of the house stood before me. Carlisle stepped forward and took my hand. "Bella, let's have our first family meeting, okay?"

I just nodded, and watched as the rest of them took their seats in what I thought was the unused dining room. I moved around to the last remaining seat, beside Edward. He stood as I approached, and part of me worried he would not want to sit beside me. That he would ask someone else to change with him. When he touched the back of my chair and pulled it out for me, I was stunned.

"Thank you, Edward." He smiled and leaned forward. He kissed my cheek.

"You're so beautiful, Bella."

"Thank you, Edward. I feel good," I replied and sat down. I tried not to let his words affect me, but I couldn't lie to myself, they did.

Carlisle cleared his throat, and stood up. "Bella, how do you feel?"

"I'm good. The burn in my throat is slight, and I think the talks about what to expect we had have definitely helped. It made me aware of what was happening as soon as it began. I think I might need to feed soon though." I touched my throat again and realized the more I talked about the need to feed, the deeper the burn was. "I feel it the more I talk about it." Edward looked awed at me.

"Bella, let's let the guys take you out, and make sure you're as okay as you think you are. How does that sound?" Carlisle offered.

I just nodded at him. I really was afraid I would get out there, come across a person, and do the wrong thing before I could stop myself. I really wanted the three guys there to protect the potential people from me. "I should change my shoes," I said as I looked down at the four-inch heels Alice put me in.

Esme snickered behind her hand as Alice looked aghast. "Bella you most certainly will not. You can wear those, you are a Cullen now." Jasper snickered at the statement, and coughed out a word behind his fist. I heard it, but didn't understand it at all.

Rose stood, and screamed.

"What? How the hell did she get that name?" Jasper and Emmett moved away from Edward, and just pointed a finger at him. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, explain exactly why the fuck Bella has your last name?" I almost fell over; in fact, I stumbled and sat down hard in my chair. I was stunned.

"Your…name?" I whispered.

Edward rubbed the back of his neck and responded. "Well, we needed to get you paperwork from Jenks, and he asked for a last name. I didn't know what to say." He truly looked at a loss as he spoke. "I didn't know if you'd want to be a Cullen, so I said the first name that came to my mind. I mean you couldn't be a Swan anymore." His hand ran through his hair. "I'm sorry." He stood and began to pace as he waited for a response.

"Why wouldn't I want to be a Cullen?" I asked. I was perplexed and wanted to know his reason for this line of thought.

"Well, I just wasn't sure you'd want to stay here with us. I mean I just didn't want to trap you here if you didn't want to be. That's all." I didn't know if I should be hurt or comforted at the fact Edward gave me an out. "It's easier for you to walk away with the name Masen, than Cullen. I'm sorry. I should have waited for you, and asked before I took care of it. I can call Jenks and tell him to do it all over again. I will, I'll call him now." I threw my hand out and touched his arm. He stopped, and we just stared at each other for a few seconds.

"It's okay, Edward. Masen is fine for me. I like it. Bella Masen." I paused as I thought it over, and decided I liked the fact he had given me his name, his real name, and not some random made up name. Esme and Alice both smiled, and I saw Jasper elbow Emmett. It looked like there had been a discussion about this, but I must have missed it. Edward still stood and looked all kinds of embarrassed.

Before anyone else could speak up, Emmett jumped up and roared, "So, are we doing this or not?"

I stood and nodded. I noticed it put me very close to Edward. He didn't move and neither did I; we just stood nose to nose, and sort of took each other in. I had a hard time believing he could ever get more handsome than he was when I was a human, but he was. My new eyes were able to take in the smoothness of his skin, and the pure alabaster color. His eyes were the deepest gold, and they seemed to almost catch the light and shine from within as I looked at him. His hair was a deeper shade of brown, red, and even had a few golden highlights that were invisible to me before.

I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and hold him close to me. To feel how his body felt against mine in my new state, but the awkward silence told me now was not the time. I turned towards Emmett, which moved me away from Edward. "Coming?" I asked him as I walked. I threw an innocent smile over my shoulder, and pulled up my inner flirty girl I had always wanted to be before I was changed. Edward wouldn't know what hit him when I was done with him.

Emmett and Jasper both whooped as we took off at a run, I soon passed each of them. Edward spoke to them as he ran by them himself; he was the only one that could keep up with me at this point.

Soon, it was Edward and me in a field a few hundred yards from a flock of deer. He walked over very slowly, and stood behind me. I could feel his body pressed against mine, and I had to fight to hold in a shiver. I felt pure lust and desire. I needed to focus on what Edward told me.

"When you approach them, choose one, and go after it. They'll scatter, so that's why it is important to chose one to follow. When you reach it, grab it, and break its neck quickly. That will leave you time to drink without a struggle from the animal." I nodded as his warm breath flashed across the bare skin of my neck and shoulder. "Emmett likes to fight them, but I'm sure for your first time you would do better if it was dead first." His breath blew across the skin beneath my ear and caused goose bumps, while I felt the heat from his body as he stood so close to me.

All at the same time, I was able to watch the deer, choose one, think about the fact Edward now felt warm to me, and process exactly how it felt as my skin tightened in what was definitely desire for him. I leaned back into him slightly, and he dropped his hands to my hips. I swore I felt him move forward into me slightly. It had to be the fact that I was now a vampire, he didn't have to fear he would harm. He could be with me, touch me, desire me and have sex with me, without worrying he would damage me, but instead return the passion and desire he was how showing.

I took off in a quick lope towards the deer. My eyes were still locked on the large buck I chose while I stood pressed against Edward. I took him down easily, and dropped to my knees to drink from him. I wasn't surprised at the ease in which my teeth sunk into his skin. I was surprised he tasted so good.

I drained him, and quickly went after another. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett all stayed far enough back to not hinder my hunt, but close enough if I should need to be restrained, I could be. I loved it, the freedom I had.

I felt strong and capable; it was a wonderful feeling.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:So some interaction but not total forgiveness? Is that good enough? To me New Moon got it wrong when she woke up and he was there and all was forgiven, not judging them, I get it! How could you look at his face and not forgive him, but honestly, would he have gotten off that easily in real life? Nope, and mind won't either, just a little foreshadowing there, for free too, LOL!**

**Till next time... **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:Here you go, just for your reading enjoyment! Thanks to all of you the readers, to mamadog93, Shadowed by Passion, you all mean so much to me!**

**Playlist: Things People Say- Lady Antebellum, Pieces- Rascal Flatts, Naked- Kimberly Caldwell, Learning to Live- Beth Hart, Come Wake Me UP- Rascal Flatts, Probably Wouldn't Be This Way- LeAnn Rimes**

**Now, go and read...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

**Bella**

On the run back to the house, Emmett and Jasper hung back to feed for themselves. Edward and I both ran at full speed, and enjoyed the wind as it ripped by our faces. I now knew what Edward always loved about the runs. It made me think back over the times he slung me on his back and ran with me. It was never at full speed, I understood now, but it was so intimate for the two of us. It was just he and I, with my body wrapped around his.

I was so damned conflicted about it all. I was positive he loved me, his words were truthful at the time he spoke them. But now…I just didn't know. He had never lied to me before, so I had no reason not to believe his words in the woods behind my house that fateful day were the truth. So, what did that mean for me now? I just had no idea. He seemed to care. He seemed to be concerned about me, but to what extent? Again, I had no idea.

When Edward slowed, I did as well. He seemed to want to talk, but at the same time, he seemed to like the slow pace of our run, and not in a hurry to end it. He was just an enigma to me. I could no longer read him. That part was as much a mystery to me as anything. There was a time when we were in sync. He knew what I thought without his extra abilities. I never had his abilities, but I still knew him better than I knew anyone else in my life. Our talks, our closeness, and our intimacy bonded us. I guess I would have to find my new normal. I would have to find my place in this life, and in his life.

"Hey, wanna walk for a few minutes?" Edward finally asked, and reached his hand back to touch the skin that covered my wrist. In fact, he touched the skin James marked up when he bit me, so long ago. I slowed immediately. The muscles in my legs responded so rapidly, and with such detail, it was almost easy to believe someone else controlled my body. I just wasn't used to this type of fluidity and grace with my movements. I noted that Edward watched as my body moved as well. He smirked, and ducked his head when he realized I had caught him. I could imagine the blush would have formed had he been able to. It made me smirk as well.

"How does your new body feel?" he asked as he dropped down onto a large rock that crept out of the edge of the creek bank along the back edge of the property.

"New, strange, amazing, mystifying, and oh so many other words that now flood my mind. It's all so much. I can think about so many different things, do so many different things, and feel them as well, all at the same time without a crash between them." He looked up at me from beneath his lashes and smirked at my enthusiasm. I just continued my explanation. "It's like they all run on their own one way streets, and there is no chance of a pile up. I guess it will settle into a nice rhythm at some point, but for now, I still marvel at it all." I stood a few feet from him. I bounced from one foot to the other, for no other reason than I just simply could at this point.

Edward laughed lightly at my juvenile dance, but that didn't stop me. I just turned my back and bounced, hopped, skipped and simply moved the muscles I now had. It felt so good.

"Do you think you want to stay with us?" His voice caused me to turn and look at him once again. I really looked at him and took him in. He sounded so scared and tired, I saw a hopefulness that told me all was not lost, yet.

"Yeah, I do, I really do. Each of you has so much to teach me, the family unit is amazing, and you all care for each other so much. I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else right now." His smile still dazzled me when he flashed it at the simple words I spoke. "I love the fact that I'm finally part of a family, this family."

He just nodded as he played with the moss that clung to the edges of the rock he sat upon. "Are you mad at me about the name? I can fix it, if you'd like me to."

I shook my head at him. I was truly fine with the name, for as stupid as it sounded, it was such a compliment to me that he gave me his name. It was almost like he wanted to mark me as his. Funny thing is I _wanted_ to be marked as his. Maybe because of this reason, I read too much into it. I didn't know at this point.

He must have heard the small swish of air my head made as it moved, because he continued to talk to me. "Bella, can you tell me about your life, about the things that happened after I left?" I cringed about how deep he went right away. I wasn't sure I would ever be ready to talk about that with him; I mean it all revolved around him and my love for him. Was I ready to tell him I loved him that deeply, after he was able to tell me he was no longer in love with me? That even to this day, I loved him with a passion and fire that had yet to go out or even dim…yeah, I couldn't see that happening. Ever.

"Well, I hooked up with Jake for a few months then went off to college." I gave an insincere snicker before I continued. "College, now that was a fun place. I learned a lot there. I met Riley, and he wasn't what I thought he would be." I guess he probably knew all of the story, or at least part of it, so I decided to admit some myself. "Alice saw me, came to my rescue and here we are. Not much to tell really, it would bore you to tears." Okay, so I skipped all the details, but I just couldn't make myself do it. I couldn't talk about it yet with him. So, I deflected and tried for humor.

"Bella." His tone was flat. I should have known it wouldn't work with him, but I tried anyway.

"Listen, Edward, you did what you had to do. I'm fine; it worked out the way I wanted anyway, so why spend our time talking about what is in the past and can't be corrected now?" He shrugged and tried to speak. I stopped him. "It is what it is. Let's move on." I turned and walked back toward the creek again. I needed distance from him. I needed to break the connection our eyes held with each other.

"Then what are these for?" I heard the swish of his movements a second before I felt his right hand lightly drag over my side and the tree tattoo, then his left hand brushed under my arm as he touched the dragonfly tattoo. Even through my clothes I could feel the heat of his touch. I could feel the rush of emotions and how it swept me away with each brush of his fingers. How I could almost feel the phantom beat of my heart increase with his touch, the way he leaned his head down and pressed his nose against the skin on the back of my neck. I was goo in his hands, I wanted him, and I was a second away from giving in to him.

I drew the strength and courage to speak a half-truth to him. "They remind of special times in my life, that's all. Why does anyone get a tattoo?" I stepped forward, and his hands fell back to his sides. I turned to look at him over my shoulder. He was too quiet.

"Bella, have we come to this point where we can't even talk to each other?" he sighed.

"Yeah, we have. I didn't move…you did. I didn't ask for this…you did. I can't help I'm not as willing to open my heart to others anymore. I've been through enough to know this," I waved my hands in between the two of us to indicate our distance as my example, "is what I got. I think you can understand why I just can't just give it away so easily anymore." I turned to run back to the house, but he grabbed my wrist again. The action spun me around, and I was face to face with him. His long finger reached up and touched the stud in my nose as he spoke.

"Bella, it's perfect for you, and so damned sexy." He ran his finger along my nose, and touched the plump part of my bottom lip for the briefest moment before he pulled back from me. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable at all; I just wanted you to know I'm here for you." He stepped back even further to allow me the space to leave if I wanted to. "Anytime you need to talk, I'm here for you. I care about you, and I'm so glad you want to stay with us."

I heard Emmett and Jasper as they cut a path through the woods. Their laughter and playfulness spurred me on. It gave me the chance to get out of this conversation without any awkwardness at all. Like I said before, I just wasn't ready to do this with him. I lifted and dropped my eyebrows at him in challenge as I took off to sideswipe the other two as they ran past us.

I hit them just as they made it to the cleared yard space, and we all three rolled into a ball across the green grass. Alice and the rest laughed at us. Despite the heaviness of the previous conversation with Edward, I felt lighthearted and carefree for the first time in my life. I worried about nothing and truly felt like the world was laid at my feet.

Edward rushed over, and helped to pull me up from the mêlée. I took the chance to push him down, and rush away to the safety of the porch with Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Rose. I laughed the whole way as Edward looked shocked.

Alice, Esme, and Rose had already started to discuss where and how I would make my space in the house. I heard this conversation before as well, while I went through the change while I lay in Carlisle's office. Usually, the family had time to prepare for this and make a space, but not this time, and I needed my own space for certain. The only unused room left in the house was on the third floor, across the hall from Edward's room. It was a large room and would work well for my bedroom. I also had an idea for a space all of us could use for different reasons, so I would bring that up today as well.

"Well, does anyone want to hear my thoughts?" I asked. All three heads whipped around, and each held a bigger look of shock on their face. I just laughed at them.

"Oh, come now, a girl can change you know." I waved my hand up and down my body to indicate my wardrobe at the moment. It was light years away from what I would have worn in my human life. So, it was a good indicator of the leaps I had made in the few short hours since I woke up anew. "I think the room across from Edward's would work just fine for my bedroom, but I'd also like to create a new space. An all purpose room, if you will. I have so much I want to learn, and I think it will require some extra space to do some of the things." Emmett and Jasper both started to sing the cheesy porn music while I picked up a rock and threw it at them. Again, this just made them both dissolve into laughter.

Esme looked so proud, and patted me on the back. "Great idea, Bella. Let's go and pick out some stuff for your new room. We can start to work up a design for the other room. Where did you think this room would be?" She turned to walk off, and I followed with her. She motioned for Emmett to follow us. "Might as well come on with us, Emmett; you know you'll need to give your advice on this as well." He trudged along as only a man with many years of marriage would know to do. Rose had most certainly trained him well.

"Well, I thought maybe behind the garage, it would be two stories to match the rest of the house. We could use the bottom floor as a big open room. I'd like to learn some combat moves and boxing, so maybe a fitness type center in the one corner, then upstairs we could use for whatever anyone else wants. I figured it would be a family room, so the family would need to collaborate and add whatever they felt they would like." Carlisle looked like a proud papa when I said family so easily. He patted my arm, and walked away.

So, in a rush of plans and online shopping, I had the beginnings of my bedroom, and the community space for us. I was thrilled to be involved. Emmett and I talked design and how to build it. He had his background and studies in construction so he was our expert, while Esme handled the interior decisions. I just gave my input as to my vision. I took the pencil at one point and sketched the vision in my head. It came out perfectly, so I added a place for an art studio upstairs.

I added art to the list of things I wanted to pursue. If I liked it, I would continue it. I mean we had the time, space, and money to do art and oh so much more.

After our rush of planning, Alice dragged me off to order and pick out more stuff for my bedroom. We planned a trip to Seattle to purchase what we couldn't find online. It was a flurry of activity, and I missed Edward's presence in all of it. I knew he was in the house. In fact, he was in the alcove that housed his piano, but he wasn't close to me, and was the part I missed. I think several times Alice noticed my distress, but I plastered a smile on my face and carried on. It would all work out some way or another; it just had to. I was determined to make it work out.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:So...was it what you expected? She's awake and a Vampire! Do a happy dance with me now! **

**In other news, I have entered a contest, Taste of the Forbidden Contest. It's anon so I can't tell you which one is mine, just go read and vote for your fave, okay? Search Taste of the Forbidden Contest in authors and you should find it! **

**Till next time...**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I'm barely here this week so please forgive me...tearing my kitchen apart, like bare studs...repairing the floors (can see down to the ground below my house kinda repair),Then gotta start all over and rebuild it this weekend! The good news is, I'll have a new kitchen when it's all over : ) And...the little one started two extra curricular activities this week and my daughter had an extra practice and a make up test...I'm tired! Forgive me, I love you all and love how much you love this story! **

**Playlist:Incredible Machine-Sugarland, Dance Again- Jennifer Lopez, Wild Ones- Flo Rida, Dead Flowers- Miranda Lambert, Nothing- Gwen Sebastian, I Knew You That Way- Luke Bryan, Back To Me- 3 Doors Down **

**Just a bit of fun for Bella...cause why be a vampire when you can't have fun doing it, right?**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

**Bella**

I dressed in what Alice laid out for me, and I took the information Edward handed me. It was a driver's license, a bank card for cash, and several credit cards. My mind went blank when I saw the black American Express card. I wasn't stupid; I knew the spending amount you had to contribute annually to get one of those. It blew my mind, which happened a lot lately, I now held one. I, Bella Masen, could buy anything I needed or wanted.

We took the big car, Esme's Cadillac Escalade, so we had room for the stuff Alice swore I needed. I was actually kind of excited about it all. This was my new beginning, and I planned to do it on my terms. All of it.

In Seattle, we shopped for everything under the sun. We took clothes and all sorts of decorations for my bedroom, back with us. The larger stuff we scheduled for delivery. Esme left us in Seattle, after we finished shopping for furniture, so she could get back to supervise the other things that needed to happen first in my room. When we pulled into the driveway in Forks, Esme had three different contractors there. One put in a whole new closet system, one put in new carpet, and the final one wired the entire room for electronics to handle the new audio system. I think the new audio system was Edward's idea; he and I both were huge music fans. I would have to ask him later about that.

I just stood back and watched as the men worked. Alice answered questions about the closet system, but when the gentleman approached Edward about the sound system and electronics, Edward deferred him to me. I watched Edward's face as I talked and told the man what I wanted. There was a small hint of pride there. I wanted to hope and read into it, but I decided to let the cards fall where they may. I was not going to push, hope, or plead for anything. This was the life I wanted, and I would live it on my terms.

After the workers left, and a large load of lumber was dropped off, we all made our way to the garage and began to build the new addition. It felt great to work alongside Jasper and Emmett. Rose pitched in some, Alice and Esme talked design. Carlisle had secured his job at Forks General again, so he headed off to work at the hospital. Edward drifted in and out. He was more than capable for of doing strength work, but he preferred to do the finer detailed things in regards to the build. Emmett studied architecture, so he and Edward drew up plans, but Emmett preferred to be the muscle and Edward preferred to be the brains. I wanted to try out both sides, so today I swung a hammer, and measured and used my hands in a way I had never done before. In a way that would not have been possible if I were still a human.

Emmett stopped to tell me why things were done a certain way, the ins and outs of the build. Edward did the same; it was so easy to listen to them and see how much they both loved this type of work. Emmett was certainly happy doing things with his hands; he would never have been a desk man. It just wasn't in his nature.

I took him aside and told him of my other plans for him. "Hey, Em. I, uh…I wanted to know if you would show me some other things. I mean, you talk about all the martial arts you know, and now that I'm coordinated enough, could you show me some moves?" His face lit up, and he just nodded.

"Let's get this thing built, and I'll teach you anything you want to know!" He pushed my head, and I shoved him back. He actually moved this time; I pushed him about three feet. I wanted to jump and squeal like a girl, but I figured it defeated the purpose of my masculine show of force if I did it, so I squelched that thought.

Later that evening, my bedroom was all painted, the furniture was all arranged, and all the decorations were in place. Alice, Rose, and I had hung all the clothes up and even organized the closets. I loved the new ability to move at warp speed. It made everything go so much easier!

I felt restless; I had so much space in my brain to think and ponder things, yet I felt trapped. I wanted out. Freedom. I wanted to enjoy this new body I had, and see what all I could do.

I mentally began to make a list of things I could do now, and what I wanted to learn. Then I made a list of places I would go, things I wanted to see and explore. When that list was done, I made a list of things I wanted to study. The lists went on and on.

I began to pace, and I heard Emmett chuckle from the floor below me. I rushed down the stairs, and charged through his bedroom door. A part of me felt guilty for not knocking, and yet my vampire senses could tell exactly what he and Rosalie both were doing, so there was no need to worry he was indisposed in any way. I tackled him, and we both rolled to the floor. I pinned his arms and gave him my best scowl. It only made him laugh more. "Chill, Baby Bell, I know that feeling. You're wound tighter than a top and there's nothing you can do about it?" I just nodded and relaxed my grip on his shoulders. "Well, I'd tell you what I normally do about it, but I just don't think it would work for you." He gave a slight tilt of his shoulders and a half shake of his head. As stupid as I was, I fell for it.

"Emmett, what do you mean it won't work for me? I'm a vampire like everyone else in this fucking house…" as soon as the words were out of my mouth, Esme yelled at me.

"Bella! Language!" Emmett just laughed.

"Fine, just like everyone else in this friggin house! I can do anything you can do. In fact, I'm stronger than you right now, so I can do it better." I leaned down closer to Emmett, and pushed back on his shoulders, pinning him against the floor again.

"Naw, I just don't think you can, Baby Bell. In fact, I'm sure you can't!" I growled, and flipped him into the air. He swung his feet beneath him, and dropped to the floor.

"I most certainly can." I charged at him. By this time, everyone in the house had stopped, and were now listening to us go at it. I was determined to win this, to show him, and everyone else I could match them now. Skill for skill, ability for ability, there were no more differences between us.

"No, you can't." He leaned in close to me, and wrapped his massive arms around my torso; this trapped my arms against my side. "Because when I feel this way, I take Rosalie to the little cabin on the back of the property; strip her down, and fuck her senseless." His voice turned into a husky whisper, and I felt his warm breath as it caressed the skin of my neck as he spoke.

I gasped, but only in desire, not in shock. I was slightly pissed that he baited me and won, but mostly, I was turned on. I now understood the attraction between Rosalie and him. He was a big old loveable goofball most of the time, but when he turned that voice on…I would certainly be putty in his hands.

Six different voices laughed at my expense, including Rosalie. I didn't because I was too turned on, and Edward didn't because I realized he had just left the house. The door slammed, and he took off running across the back yard. I saw his masculine form for a half a second before he disappeared in the woods. I went limp in Emmett's arm. He set me to the ground, and began to apologize. "I'm sorry, Bella. I had no idea it would upset him. It was just a joke, I swear. You know I love Rose with all my heart." He looked appalled.

"It's fine, Emmett. I guess Edward and I have to learn how to live around each other now, that's all," I offered.

I moved down into the family room with Jasper and Alice. Jasper taught me how to play Mortal Kombat. I say taught me because I realized, as a human, there was so much I had missed. Of course, being vampires, it was way too easy; our reflexes made the game seem like child's play. That was until the cheat codes were turned on, and then it became a challenge. Not a great one, but one none the less. Emmett eventually joined us, but the mood in the room was still slightly somber.

After our game, I followed Rose out into the garage. I sat with her as she tinkered with the cars some. That was her passion, cars. After a few minutes of silence, she blurted out, "Bella, just lay it out there for him. Tell him how you feel, and if he feels the same then fine. If not, then at least you know. Don't let it hang over your head."

I dropped the socket wrench I played with and looked directly at her. Our eyes met as she leaned over the hood of Alice's Porsche. I knew I could be honest with her. "He doesn't, he said so in the woods when he left. I can't allow my heart to get broken by him again. I just can't." It was strange to me the phantom pain in my chest was still there. I figured with the vampire body, all my pains would go away. "He's my one, always has been, always will be. I'll be like Tanya and her sisters, as much as it kills me to say it. I'll use men and play with their bodies, but no one will ever own my heart again. It's his." I dropped my head, and begged for the human ability to cry to wash all the pent up frustration and emotions away.

"Bella," Rose said softly as she sat down beside me, "he cares for you more than you will ever know. This is all new to him as well; he doesn't know how to play these games. So, he stumbles his way through things." I glanced up at her and realized how beautiful she was as I studied her eyes. "I'm not saying you need to forgive him, but at least try to talk to him, give him a chance to tell you how he feels before you assume he doesn't." She threw a nasty towel at me and flashed a brilliant smile. I just nodded as she walked away.

The silence in the garage seemed to hum around me. I wanted it all, and was just too afraid to believe maybe it was possible. Maybe it would work out for me. But why should I believe it? It never had before. I never had a situation where I walked out the other end of it and felt happy about how it turned out. So, I just didn't have that in me to fall back on.

I hopped on Jasper's Ducati and threw a helmet on my head. I needed space, and the thrill that riding a bike through the weaving roads of Washington would bring. I hoped Jasper wouldn't mind I borrowed it.

About half way to nowhere, I stopped and took off the helmet. I wanted the rush of the wind in my hair as I rode. And let's be honest, what could happen to me? I strapped it to the hook on the side, and took off again.

I thought about what Rose said about my options with Edward. Nothing really would change. We would tip toe around each other like we do now, so I decided to tell him I still cared for him. At least he would have all the facts, and then he could decide for himself what to do about it. I, at least, owed him that much. So, I turned the bike around and headed back to Forks.

I felt the tell tale buzz of my new phone. I pulled my phone out of my pants pocket, and answered it. I knew I could still handle the bike, and I could hear over the loud wind, so there was no reason not to answer it now.

Alice spoke to me as soon as I answered, she didn't even allow me the chance to call out a greeting.

"Bella, Jacob called. He needs to talk to you. UDub called Charlie when you disappeared, and now he's in a panic. He doesn't know what happened, and he's all kinds of crazy over it. He went to Jake and kicked his ass for all that happened. He told him if he hadn't broken up with you, then you wouldn't have gone wild. Charlie's a mess, Bella. Jake needs to talk to you." I was thankful vampire's didn't need air because the paragraph Alice just spit out at me would have certainly left her out of breath and probably passed out.

I took in a deep, unnecessary breath, and let it out. "I'm on my way now. I'll be there in a half an hour." I slipped the phone back in my pocket, and twisted the throttle harder.

This was the one drawback to my life now. Charlie.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: So a few revelations...anybody got any theories? Ideas? Leave me some love to help me get through my weekend and hopefully I will be back next week...if the kitchen doesn't win that is! Oh two new sets on Polyvore as well! Go check them out : )**

**Till next time...**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hello all...so far you all are liking the new Bella and wondering what is going to happen to her and Edward...all in due time, I promise! No playlist this week, sorry! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21<strong>

**Bella**

I rushed back to the house. The only thing on my mind was Charlie. I didn't want him to suffer in any way. I guess I never thought it through enough. Not that it was really up to me. I mean, I had made provisionary plans had it happened with Edward, but this whole thing from Riley to Tanya had gone awry, and there simply was no planning time. Before, that our plan was we would get married, go off to some far away college, and give me time to deal with things before I had to decide what to do. Now all of that had changed, and I had to decide what to do without any time to plan.

I worried about the feelings of the rest of my family now. They all knew Charlie, but would his profession make a difference in how he felt about things? Would they want me to tell a human? Would they allow me to still see him? I guess there was no point in making plans until I spoke with my family to see how they all thought about things.

I stopped the bike in front of the garage, and Edward walked out to meet me. "Hey, you feel better?" he asked, as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Yea, I could ask the same of you though." I mimicked his action and ran a hand through my tangled hair as well.

He smirked and almost laughed, but it came out as a snort. "Yeah, I guess I'm fine. They're waiting on you, looks like we need to have a family talk." He put air quotes around talk, and that scared the hell out of me. I must have shown it in my expression, because he began to talk again. "Hey, it's no big deal. We always handle big decisions like this; I thought you knew that by now." He smoothed his hand down my arm, and grasped my hand to pull me into the house with him.

I felt every single pair of eyes in the house on our joined hands as we walked into the dining room for our talk. All except one looked happy, but to be honest, I didn't expect Jacob to be happy about any part of my situation, so that was to be expected.

"Jacob." He stiffened at the difference of my voice. I guess my appearance wasn't enough to remind him of my change.

"Bella." He stood very stiffly at the doorway.

Carlisle stepped in between the two of us to break the tense stare, and Edward led me around to our seats. "Jacob thanks for coming. My name is Carlisle Cullen. I knew your grandfather. He was a great man, and I respected him a great deal." Jacob gave a small nod of his head to Carlisle, so he continued to talk. "I know this must be hard for you in more ways than one." Carlisle turned, and looked over his shoulder at me. "We want you to know that you are safe here. I made a pact all those years ago, and I do _not_ intend to break that. I keep my word."

Jacob shoved off of the door frame and advanced towards Carlisle. Emmett stood, Carlisle held up a hand to stop him. "You broke that treaty." Jacob's eyes shifted, and landed on Edward as he spoke the second part. "You think because you followed her to Seattle, that we would let that go? Do you really think we were that stupid?" Edward didn't say a word, but I couldn't hold it in. I stepped between the two of them, and broke the eye contact.

"What the hell do you know? Nothing! He didn't follow me anywhere! Alice rescued me, and Tanya Denali misunderstood. She came to Seattle; she changed me, _not_ Edward. Besides, I think you gave up the right to question anyone when you imprinted on someone else." All eyes in the room widened at the knowledge that Jacob had abandoned me. I didn't want sympathy from them, I was a vampire now. I could take care of myself. "Now, I can take care of myself, I don't need your help anymore," I spat at him.

His eyes turned towards me, and I saw the tears that swam to the surface in them. "Bella…I had no control over that, you know that. Please…" he begged. He really did look pained at the accusations I made, but I couldn't care less. I was done with what everyone else felt. It was time for me to look out for me and me alone.

"Besides, why don't you tell me exactly how you knew about my change anyway?" I looked down at my nails, and faked my boredom. If he was done with me, then I wanted him to know I was done with him as well. I was a fucking vampire, and I didn't need him or his protection any longer.

"Seth was on a run through the woods. We didn't know you all were back, so we had extended our patrol area. A few nights ago, he saw you take down a deer or two. He came back and told me." Jacob began to pace as he spoke, it was a habit I recognized, he had always done it. Whenever the subject was a serious matter, Jacob paced when he spoke about it. "The next day, Charlie showed up and told me that you were missing. He kicked my ass for it, too. He told me it was my fault for breaking up with you." Jake pushed off of the wall again and stepped forward. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward all three moved in sync with him. I pushed Edward out of the way, and stepped right up nose to nose with Jake.

"Well, he's right, Jake. My life might have turned out differently, that is for sure. Not that I'm unhappy here or like this, because I'm not. So, what exactly do we need to talk about with you?" I dropped back down in my seat, and the guys relaxed along with me.

"Well, Charlie's a mess. He's so worried, Bella. I wanted to know if there was a way we could compromise or something." He looked from me to Carlisle.

"What did you have in mind, Jacob?" Carlisle asked politely.

"I want to be able to talk to Charlie. The way I see it, she's all he has left, and I'm afraid this would kill him to not know what happened to her. Given his long history with my father and our tribe, I wanted to sort of out myself to him. It is not really against any rules for him to know about me. So, I figured that if I told him about me, then I could tell him that Bella was alive. But he couldn't ask any questions. He just simply has to take it at face value and be okay with that. I think Charlie can do that…for Bella, that is," Jacob spoke to Carlisle until he got to that point, then he turned to look at me. I had no doubt that he spoke the truth. I had heard Charlie enough to know that he felt I was his last tie, his last one meaningful relationship. "That would give him peace of mind to know that she was okay and alive, of sorts, and he won't ask any questions. So technically no rules will be broken by you either."

I hoped that the rest of my new family would agree with Jake's suggestion, because I wanted to see my dad. I wanted to reassure him that things were good for me.

"I disagree, Charlie's a cop, and it is in a cop's nature to ask questions about things that they don't know. I don't think it will work." Rose crossed her arms over her chest as she spoke. Her posture screamed closed off and unwilling to budge on the subject.

"Rose, if it were anyone else other than Bella, I agree. But I think for Bella, Charlie would do whatever he had to do just to keep her in his life, and know how well she was doing." Jasper spoke up for me and Charlie. I appreciated it so much, because I wanted to get to see him and let him know that I _was_ indeed fine and would always be fine from now on.

Carlisle looked up at Jacob. "Jacob, can you give us time to talk about this, and we'll get back to you with our answer?" Jake nodded, and moved from the doorway to leave. I rushed out of my seat, and caught up to him in a matter of seconds.

"Jacob, wait." I laid a hand on his arm. When he turned to look at me, I softened. He looked more like my friend, not the angry wolf that was our enemy. I ached to have my friend back, but I just wasn't sure that would ever happen now, given our situation. "How are you and Nessa?"

"Fine." His rough voice responded, and then softened as well. "We're fine. She talks about you all the time; she tries to get me to talk about you." His hands dropped down and slapped his thighs. "Did I do this to you? Did I really push you to this?" The tension and frustration was clearly evident as he asked, while he waved his hand up and down my body.

"Jake, you didn't do anything. It just happened. I don't regret it at all, you shouldn't either." I smiled at him, and he returned it. "I do miss you though. I'm glad you guys are doing well. Tell Nessa I said hi, okay?" He just nodded as I opened the door for him; it was time for him to go…he had stunk up the house.

They all patiently waited for me to return before we discussed the situation. Jasper started when I stepped into the room. "I agree with Jake, Charlie will let it go if Jake assures him that this is the only way he can be part of her life." Several heads out of the group nodded their agreement with Jasper. I was overjoyed by the possibility of actually getting to see my dad again. "I think we should meet him in a neutral spot and let Jake tell, or rather, show him. Then Bella can come out. We'll be there to protect her from the wolves or Charlie from her, whichever the case may be. Sorry, darling." I just nodded at him. I mean, yeah, Jake wasn't a threat because he stunk so damned bad, but Charlie, well, that was another subject.

"I agree with Jasper and Jacob." Esme stood, and came around to lay her hand on my shoulder. "Bella has done enough for us that we owe this much to her. I say let's do it." Alice stood, and walked around to me as well.

"I also agree."

Emmett jumped up, and ran to me. He picked me up and spun me in a circle. "Hell yeah, I agree! That will give me an excuse to pick a fight with the wolves; I've wanted a piece of them for years now."

Carlisle agreed as well. Not that it mattered, since the majority ruled by this time, but we had yet to hear from Edward and Rosalie. Rosalie I already knew what she thought since she spoke up before, but with Edward, I was blank.

I looked at him, and he reached out to grab my hand. I had no idea if it was in assurance or in comfort. I held still, and waited for him. "I think that Bella is trustworthy enough to allow her to make her decision on this subject. I do agree with Jasper though, so my feeling is yes, we allow it." I squealed, and ran the few steps to him. He engulfed me in a hug as I buried my face against his chest.

His smell I remembered, but with my new senses, I could detect about three or four more faint scents that I never did as a human. It still smelled exactly like him. I looked up, and found his eyes locked on me.

"Thank you so much." I pretty much just mouthed the words, but I knew he heard me. His smile told me he did. I froze when he leaned down, and kissed my temple.

"You deserve it. You've been through enough," he whispered into my ear.

I just nodded. I wanted to read into the kiss and words, but I couldn't let my guard down right now. He kissed Esme, Alice, and Rose in the same manner that he had just kissed me, so I couldn't allow my brain the freedom to read into it.

"Okay, so I'll call Billy and Jacob to talk things over with them. Do you have any requests in regards to all of this Bella?" Carlisle asked me. I stepped away from Edward, and shook my head.

A few seconds later, I heard him talking on the phone. I took off to my room under the guise of changing my clothes, but it was really just to give myself some distance. Before I did something I shouldn't do, at least not yet. I had to take care of Charlie first; then I could worry about me and my life.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:Does this chapter help? BTW, my little entry in the Taste of the Forbidden contest, they are in my favorite authors list, go check out the entries! Leave me some love and I will see you next week! **


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:Okay here's a new chapter for you all...thanks for all the love and reviews that you have sent to me, I really appreciate them all! I will do my best and get back to you as soon as I can, please know that I read them all! Thanks to mamadog93 for the story line, to TSJ and SBP for doing my beta work, and to all my girls...you all keep me sane, you know who you are,I love you all!**

**Polyvore sets are in the usual place, no playlist this week!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

**Jacob**

I knew, without a doubt, I owed Bella this much as I ran away from the Cullen's house. I had to find a way to make it up to her. All of the possible scenarios played through my head, as I made it back to my house on the reservation in record time.

I knew the second the other wolves found me and joined the conversation I held with myself in my head. The pack was split with their decisions. Sam, Embry, Quil and Seth all agreed to let Charlie know. Paul and Leah were the only two that felt it was a bad idea. Neither of them could give exact reasons, other than they worried about the outsider exposure. Since Sam was the Alpha, we had to follow his orders; and Sam decided to defer to the elders on this subject. It was unlike any case we had ever come across before, and we wanted their wise counsel on it.

We joined the counsel on the sacred ground our ancestors sat upon long ago. I explained the situation. It didn't take much from me, because the entire pack knew of Bella, Charlie, and our long history. They also knew of the Cullens, and Bella's involvement with them.

When I got to the point where I wanted to plead for Charlie's sake, Billy stepped in. With all of their years of friendship, Billy was able to vouch for him. Billy pointed out how many things Charlie had done for the people of the reservation, even though it wasn't his job. The reservation had its own police force, so all Charlie did, was just because he cared for the people, not because of any job description.

Billy told of Charlie's trustworthiness, he gave example after example of times when Charlie had held the trust of our people in his hands, and how he had done nothing to betray that trust before. The argument was also made about the attachment of Charlie and Bella to one another. How lost Charlie would be if he felt like he had lost Bella. How cruel it was for him to live his life with the belief his only daughter was just lost; gone without a trace. How Charlie's profession would force him to look for clues, and possibly discover on his own, the secrets were held in the woods outside of sleepy Forks, Washington. Billy also pointed out how it would be better to introduce Charlie to the world of supernatural; but only to tell him the points of the pack we wanted him to know, as to not allow him to find his own clues.

I could see the respect and love for my father on the other tribal council member's faces, but more importantly, I could see the love and respect for Charlie written there as well. I knew love and respect would demand he be treated as one of their own. This treatment would mean we could trust him with our most precious secret. But I didn't rejoice just yet, I waited to hear the words.

The counsel talked and discussed quietly. It seemed like forever while they talked, but in fact, it was just a few minutes. I held my breath as Quil's grandfather, Big Quil, stood up to speak.

"We know you, Billy Black. You are one of us, and we trust your opinion. We also trust Charlie with our secret. We feel it would be better to share this with him, and not let him find out all on his own. So, we say bring him out to us, and we will tell him as a group. Then, Jacob can take him to see his daughter." Big Quil waved a hand in my direction, and I stepped forward. "Your courage is strong, Jacob. You're a fine young man. You'll make a great chief one day. Your compassion and intuition for others is astounding." Big Quil moved back to sit again. I glanced at Billy, and he motioned me to his side.

"We'll call Charlie and ask him out to our house, so we can share all of this with him. I think it would be best if the rest of the pack were with us as well." Billy nodded over where Sam and the rest of the pack sat. They were in awe of the special proceeding that took place today. It was hard not to be, when you were a part of a centuries old tradition. It always seemed to get to me, and I was sure it affected them the same way.

"We agree with you and ask you have the pack there, just in case." Big Quil acknowledged the thing no one else wanted to speak of, the 'what if' of it all. What if Charlie refused to believe all of this, and took matters into his own hands? What would we do then? That was a question no one wanted to answer. Billy nodded, and the pack retreated with us in silence.

When we arrived back at our house, Billy placed a call to Charlie. When Charlie answered, Billy spoke to him like it was any other day.

"Hey, Charlie. You got some time to come out to our place this afternoon?" The question was so casual, and not out of the ordinary at all. It made me worry Billy took an approach that was too casual. Then Billy spoke again, "Well, Jacob wants to talk to you about a few things." Billy's smile and next words were enough of an indication of what Charlie's answer was. "Great, see you then." Billy hung up, and turned to face me. "He'll be here in an hour."

I nodded, and exhaled loudly. The entire pack laughed at me.

"Not such a great idea any more, is it?" Embry teased.

"That'll teach you to run your big trap again, won't it?" Quil shouted.

In fact, they all took their turns to tease me with their snide comments. I took them all, because I knew deep down they would all have my back if the situation called for it. I just laughed along with them. In fact, we all spent our time laughing and having a good time, until we saw the Forks cruiser pull into my driveway; then we knew it was time to get serious.

The boys faded into the background as I approached Charlie. We agreed we would do this down at the beach, in the spot where we had our traditional bon fires. The boys would wait for us there. I would walk Charlie down there, and tell him bits and pieces of the story, then phase there on the beach to make my last point to him.

"Hey, Charlie." I reached for his hand and shook it when he offered his in return.

"I was surprised to get your dad's call. I gotta be honest; you're the last person I expected to hear from." I chuckled before he continued. "I figured we had burned our bridges with each other and moved on. So tell me, what's up?" Charlie was exactly right, we had kind of burned what we had to the ground, but I hoped, after today, he would understand why.

"Honestly, I was surprised you agreed to come over. I appreciate it, and want you to know a lot more went on between Bella and me around our break up. I have some things to share with you today, and after our talk, I think you will understand it all a little better. But before we get to that, I first need to tell you about the exact origins of our tribe, if that's okay with you." He nodded, as I found a log for the two of us to share, and we both sat down.

I spent the next hour with him, as I explained the sparseness of our land, and the wolves that hunted on the same lands we did. I gave a detailed explanation of the attack by the cold one, and how we came to know about our special abilities. I explained about our treaty with the cold ones my ancestors met so long ago. I could see his interest as it peaked and surely as he began to wonder how this related to him or his life, but he sat quietly and patiently as I spoke. I explained how, in recent years, we found out with certainty what we thought was a tale was absolute truth and not a tale at all. Charlie's eyes widened as Sam, in wolf form, stepped out of the woods, followed by Paul, Embry, Quil, Leah, Seth, and Brady. I was the only one missing from our pack.

I was always in awe of them as a group, no matter how many times I had seen them before. Their size was massive, and their bodies were designed to scare away even the fiercest opponent. Charlie was certainly in awe. I had to hand it to him; he was stoic as he watched. He never gave away a single thought as he watched. When the group came to a stop in front of him, he stood, and moved toward them, like it was a common occurrence to stand and look at an almost seven foot tall wolf. His eyes sought out mine for permission. I nodded at him, and he approached Sam. He never touched them at all; he just looked and walked around each and every wolf that stood in front of him. When he'd examined them sufficiently, he made his way back to me where we had previously sat on the long forgotten log.

"So, this is your secret?" he asked, as he scratched the back of his neck.

"Part of it," I answered with honesty.

"Part of, you mean there's more?" His voice rose as he spoke.

"Yeah, there is. This is the part that pertains to you. See, normally the cold ones are our enemies, but a long time ago, my ancestors came across some more of them in the woods as they hunted. This particular group of 'cold ones' were humane and hunted animals. They were much different than the rest of their kind, so we agreed to make a pact with them and to trust them." He still seemed to be with me, and not too weirded out, so I kept going. "This tribe of 'cold ones' still resides around here, which is where you'll find Bella." Charlie's head jerked up at this statement. I held up a hand to stop him before he moved or spoke. "She's fine; I've seen her for myself. She wants to see you, but there are rules and laws that govern them, so I agreed to fill you in and make you understand first." I hesitated, and Charlie nodded at me to continue.

"Bella joined them recently, but she's fine, like I said, she actually wanted this lifestyle. She's safe and no harm will come to her. As a matter of fact, she is almost indestructible now." I expected Charlie to balk at this fact, but it was too late to call it back after it left my mouth. So, I continued as to not give him time to focus on one statement. "She'd like to see you, but you must not ask questions or want to know too much." Charlie nodded stoically, but his eyes showed the excitement he really felt at the prospect of seeing Bella again. "She must also be kept a secret. No one can know Bella is okay. They need to think she's dead."

Charlie blanched at this statement. I decided to give him a little time to absorb the information I had shared with him today. It really would be a lot for anyone to take in. He sat very still for a few minutes; then he slowly nodded his head. He asked one question. "Is she happy?"

I nodded at him.

"She is very happy. This is what she wanted, and it was her choice to end up like this." It was a slight lie, but Charlie didn't know the difference.

Charlie scratched his neck again, and looked up at me out of the corner of his eyes. "The Cullen's?"

I just nodded.

He took a deep breath before he continued. "Figures, they all looked too damned good all the damned time. I guess this means she is back with Edward?"

I barked out a laugh before I answered him. "That part I'm not sure about, but you can ask her yourself. She's ready to see you, if you'd like."

Charlie stood up immediately, and looked around the beach as if she were going to pop out here.

"Not here, we need to go closer to their territory to see her."

He nodded, and followed me.

It was almost a pain in my ass to walk so slowly, but it wasn't Charlie's fault he was born human…and slow. So, I paced myself with him, and eventually we ended up in the meadow Bella asked to meet us in. We stood at the edge of the tree line, and waited for the Cullens to appear.

I knew the second they did. Charlie's loud intake of breath was a clear indication of when he saw them. He made his way closer to Bella. I wanted to stop him, but I noticed Emmett, Jasper, and Edward all followed Bella, so I assumed they knew how to keep Charlie safe from her.

With the increased power of our bodies, we were able to hear exactly what was said between Charlie and Bella, but we kept ourselves busy or distanced, as to give them privacy. They deserved that much. They talked for a long time, and they both seemed fine when they agreed they would meet again soon. Charlie was encouraged to make a show of finding Bella's body, and holding a memorial, so Forks would think she was dead and gone. Charlie was reluctant, but agreed to do it, when Bella, and even Edward, promised it would be for the best.

I had to hand it to Charlie; he abided by the rules, and he didn't ask a single question that was out of line. Although, he did ask Bella to tell him everything she could as soon as he walked up, so he got the hard part out of the way immediately. Bella, Edward, and even Jasper and Emmett filled him in on almost all of the details except for the biting, changing, and the exact nature of their beings. Charlie was good with the limited information, and just listened as stoically as he did when I spoke to him earlier.

Edward gave Charlie a phone number to contact him and Bella at before they left, and they made plans for their next meeting. I watched as Charlie pulled Bella in for a hug, and I had to give it to him, he didn't show any signs of hesitation at all. He embraced her like she was his normal, living, breathing, human child. I was touched at the depth of his love for her.

Charlie approached me, and we watched the Cullen's make their way off into the far side of the woods.

"So, uh, this sort of explains the whole falling out of love with Bella so fast then, huh?" His question showed his understanding on a confusing and hard to follow subject. But, I had to give it to him, he had handled all we had both given him, so I couldn't blame him for a little tongue tied.

"Well, that is a whole other story." I began to tell about our custom of imprinting. By the end of the story, he was a little angry, but I explained how much Bella loved Edward, and how I saw it as a clear cut sign we were never meant to be. She was right all along. She was destined to be with Edward. All along she said it was him, now I saw it for myself, and so did Charlie.

When Charlie left La Push, he seemed at peace with things, and had a list of things in order to do. He planned to go ahead with the memorial as suggested. My dad offered our help and advice if he needed it. Charlie accepted our offer, and gave us both a hug.

"I can't say thanks enough for bringing my girl back to me. I'm not stupid enough to believe lots of unwritten rules were broken today, just for my peace of mind. So, I thank you more than I can express."

* * *

><p><strong>EN:So did Jacob make up for his imprinting? You tell me! And don't you just love Charlie? I did! **

**Till next time...**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: One more glance into their lives here...I have news at the bottom so stick around for that, please!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

**Bella**

I had no expectations as far as how this meeting would go. I did have hopes, though. I hoped that my dad would understand, and agree to the rules we had to put in place, in order to be able to see each other. I hoped that he would believe Jacob, and that he would be able to keep our secret. That he would believe me when I said I was happy, because I was, for now anyway. I certainly had things to work out, or rather figure out, but I was happy at this moment in time.

I stood in anticipation, and willed my increased eyesight to see him as he walked toward me. I finally saw him as he and Jacob walked cautiously towards the middle of the meadow. I watched as his eyes searched my body and took me in. His facial expression told me he had questions, but they were quickly pushed down and he put on a neutral face. He knew the rules, and he was more than willing to a follow them. He indicated that before we even stood face to face with each other. I was so proud of him.

Charlie stepped up hesitantly, so I reached out to him, to get a hug. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward moved with me; they were afraid it was too much for me. I couldn't blame them, because this should have been too much for a normal newborn. Somehow or another, it was fine for me; no problems what so ever. I never even smelled him, he was just my dad; and that separated him from any food source, in my mind it did anyway. He wrapped his arms around me, and I relished the hug. It felt so good, and I realized how much I had missed him. In the short time that I lived in Forks, I had grown so close to him. I was beyond thrilled that I could have him in my life again. Leaving him behind was the one true regret I had in choosing this life.

Charlie pulled back, and looked me over from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. He smiled, so I took that to mean that he was happy with my appearance. I dressed for him, choosing something that I would never have worn in my human life. Just so that he would see that I was, in fact, different and happy.

"You look good kid, you okay?" he asked, as he looked me over again. As if the first time he looked, he might have missed something.

"I am, dad. I'm good." I pulled him in, and hugged him again.

"You look so beautiful." His eyes widened as if it were something he didn't intend to say at all, almost like it just fell out.

"Thanks, I'm more suited to this life. It agrees with me." I worried that I had said too much, but he just nodded, and looked back towards Jacob. He and the rest of the wolf pack stood just far enough away, as to give us privacy for our visit. The rest of the pack was in wolf form, just in case they needed to protect Charlie from me.

"Yeah, Jacob told me that you have a secret that has to be kept, and that's okay with me, as long as I know that you are all right." Relief swept over his face when I nodded before he even finished his sentence. "This is what you want, right?" I noticed that the rest of my family backed up and gave us room to talk, just as the wolf pack had done. We essentially were alone in the middle of the field. I knew that this distance wasn't enough to keep our conversation private, but I appreciated the gesture anyway.

"Yeah, sorry about the secrecy thing, I swear that it's not illegal or anything. I would never do that to you." I looked him in the eyes.

"I think we are way past the boundaries of the law and all here. Am I right?" Charlie asked, as he rubbed the back of his neck while he looked around from the pack to the Cullens.

I laughed. "Yeah, we sort of are."

When the laughter died down, I saw all the unanswered questions in his eyes, so I prompted him. "Go ahead and ask."

"So, are you back together with Edward, now?" I saw Jasper, and Emmett turned to Edward, and occupy him while I answered.

"Well, I don't know. I guess we'll have to figure that out. This is all kinda new to me, so I don't have all the answers yet." I moved around a little to make him feel more comfortable. I even offered to sit with him. I saw no need to accentuate the differences between us.

"You didn't suffer or anything; did you?" he asked as we both sat down across a log that lay in the middle of the open space. My guess would be that someone put it here for this reason alone, but I had no proof of that. I focused on Charlie's question; I guess that was a question that any parent would want to know.

"No!" I leaned closer to him so that he would see that it was true. I mean _I did_, but it was so minimal, and it was not worth worrying him over.

"Okay, good." He took my hand and held it. "So, I can see you whenever I want?"

I turned to look at Edward, and he nodded back at me. He followed the nod with a whisper that Charlie would have had no way of ever hearing. "Anytime, he just needs to call. You have given up so much, I can't ask you to give him up, too."

"Yes, just call these numbers," I said as I pulled the list of cell phone numbers out and handed them to my dad, "and I'll get here as soon as I can. I'm…not sure exactly where we'll live, so it might take travel time, but otherwise, yes, I'll be here as quickly as I can." Charlie looked skeptical. "I promise I won't abandon you, ever."

"I couldn't…uh, I would miss you every day for the rest of my life." He looked away from me, and stared off at the skyline. I could see the tears that swam at the edges of his eyes, and it killed me that I caused him this pain.

"Hey, we went through all kinds of trouble just to make this happen. Please know that I'll never leave you. If nothing else, one day it will be me that loses you. We'll do anything we can to make this work, I swear it. I love you more than I could ever say. I need you in my life still." I laid my hand on his arm and gave it a gentle squeezed. He looked back at me, and pulled my head close so he could place a kiss on my temple.

Edward walked over at a slow pace. I waved him along so he would come and sit with us. "Chief Swan." Edward held out his hand, when he got close enough to greet my dad.

Charlie stood up, and shook hands with Edward. "Edward, Jacob tells me that you're taking care of my Bells for me. Thanks for that."

"Sure thing, she fits with us. Always has." Edward looked directly at me, and I hoped that his hidden meaning was what I assumed it to be.

"Yeah, Bells is one of a kind. I guess now she is one of a group." He chuckled at himself, and Edward laughed along with him.

"Chief, I know this may not make much sense to you since we couldn't give a lot of details, but I never meant for her life to turn out this way. I wanted a long, happy, normal life for her, but now, since that option is off the table, well…I just want you to know that I'll spend the rest of my existence taking care of her and protecting her." Edward turned toward me, and reached out to touch my hand. "Not that she will need me' she's pretty capable of doing that herself now." Edward looked back toward my dad. "You raised a spitfire here, Chief, and I think you'd be proud of her." Edward's words would have caused a blush, if that were possible still.

"Oh, I know that for sure, she always was. Never, never, never get on Bella's bad side. I've learned from personal experience, it's not pretty." Charlie chuckled, and I gave what I hoped was a light shove, but he reached over and rubbed his arm. I guess it wasn't so light after all.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I see Bella's wrath in my future, but I deserve every second of it." Edward turned to look at me, as Charlie raised his eyebrow at me. Edward continued to talk. "I made a decision that concerned Bella, and I made it alone. It was a huge mistake. I believed that I was able to decide for her without her opinion in the matter at all. I'll never be able to tell her, or you, how sorry I am for that. I'll never make that mistake again, ever." I patted Edward's arm. I wanted the subject dropped. It was not something I wanted to solve in front of my dad. "From now on, it will be her as an equal, and she'll make all of her own decisions." Edward took my hand again. "I swear it, Bella, never again." He kissed the back of my hand, and let it go gently. I got lost in his last few words, and I prayed that they were indeed the truth.

Charlie cleared his throat, and Edward and I turned back to him, almost as if we'd forgotten he was there in the midst of us.

Edward spoke again. "Bella, I will wait for you, so take your time. Chief, I swear I'll protect her with all that I am. I'll die trying, if that is what it takes. You have my word on that." Edward nodded, and walked back toward the tree line, where Emmett and Jasper still waited. They waved, and Charlie waved back to them. It was all very normal, yet not at the same time.

"So, you're a Cullen now?" Charlie poked me and laughed.

"Well, actually, I'm a Masen. It's Edward's biological parent's name. He thought it would be better for me to not be a Swan anymore, since, you know…I'm supposed to be dead and all. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings." I paled because it never occurred to me how Charlie would take the name change.

"Nah, I knew one day you would change your last name. I just hoped that it would be out of love and marriage, not because of a big secret."

"Who knows, it just might be because of love after all." A girl could hope, right?

Charlie stared off in the general direction of where Edward stood last. I knew they had moved off to the right a little, but Charlie didn't. "I always knew he was the one, there was just something different about him. Give him a chance, okay?"

I nodded.

"Besides, I always had a suspicion about his whole family. I mean…never a hair out of place, I knew they couldn't be normal." Charlie laughed again, and I did as well. It felt surreal that he could joke about the fact that we weren't normal, and never would be again.

"Dad."

"What? Come on, tell me you didn't have the same thought about them when you met, and were sucked into their wonderfulness." Charlie chastised.

Emmett let loose a large, booming laugh from somewhere within the woods. Charlie looked at me, and we both laughed as well.

"Okay, fine, you got me there. But still!"

Jake began to move closer to us.

"I had better get going with Jake, so…I guess I'll call you, and we can get together soon?" I nodded, and pulled him toward me for a hug again. I knew this wasn't another goodbye, but it certainly felt like one. "I love you kiddo, take care, and make Edward stick to that promise, okay?" Charlie's eyes swam with tears again.

"I will." I was certain that if I was able to cry, I would be as well.

"All right, I'm off to plan your memorial." He laughed, and Jake jogged up to say his goodbyes as well.

I turned, and made my way back across the field to Edward, Jasper, and Emmett. I felt fairly proud of both my father and myself, until I saw Edward. Then it all crashed down on me, and I fell to my knees before him.

Without a word, he picked me up, placed me on his back, just like when I was human; we ran for home.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Okay...first of all this story will be 30 chapters, I'm writing the last one as we speak. I have so much more to do with it, but I have to take a break and finish up a few other things I have promised. So, it will wrap at 30, then I will begin to write on the sequel and get to all the other stuff I didn't get time to write for you in this one! I even have a name for it...Life, Love, Happiness! Sound good? **

**On another note, I have a drabble that will begin to post this weekend, called Every Other Weekend for September Drabble Wars! I have an announcement chapter up so you can go get all the details and put it on alert. I also entered the Taste of The Forbidden Contest and won Third Place Judges Vote and Judge Drotuno's Choice, Saved by Sin is posted on my profile now. I would love to hear what you think about that one! **

**I think that's all for now...**

**Till next time... **


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:For those of you who are new here...welcome! Thanks for joining me:) For those of you who have been here all along, thanks for sticking with me! I have some sets for this chapter and all the previous ones as well, so head over to my profile and catch that link. I got you a playlist below that I listened to as I wrote this. To the regular readers and those that know this normally posts on Tuesday, sorry for the lateness, so much crazy shit happening at work right now! I hope it's all good now, next week should be back to normal! Thanks for my girls...mamadog93 for her idea and for being my cheerleader when I needed one, to Shadowed by Passion for cleaning up my crap and making it readable, to ttharman and theonlykyla for being my friend when I am out of touch and bogged down with my real life crap! 56 DAYS LADIES...56 DAYS!**

**This chapter is the pivotal one, it's the one that I closed my eyes and imagined as soon as mamadog shared her plot, this chapter, so much so that the entire story was almost called Wishing. It's what I felt was wrong with New Moon and what was wrong with the relationship between Bella and Edward. I hope you like it and I'm going to do something I usually don't do, I'm going to beg you for your opinion on this chapter, I need to know this time, so please help me out and let me know...okay? **

**Playlist:Take it Easy on Me-Beth Hart, What Doesn't Kill You- Kelly Clarkson, Closer- Ne-Yo, One More Night- Maroon 5, Wishing-Sugarland**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

**Bella**

I collapsed onto Edward's back, and held on tight the entire run home. I took his comfort and swallowed it whole. I didn't think about what his show of devotion, or even his words from earlier meant. I just accepted them, because I needed them.

When we arrived at the house, all the other faces questioned, but nothing was voiced out loud. I guess they assumed I needed the silence, so they left me to it. Edward carried me upstairs and turned left toward my room, but I didn't want that. I wanted to be in the bed that held the fond memories for me; I wanted the bed I had known happy times in. I wanted his bed, with him.

"Yours, please."

He nodded, and turned back to the other end of the hallway. He moved quickly, and soon I was in his bed, wrapped up in the soft comforter with him. He held me close, and murmured sweet words into my ear to soothe me. He hummed and sang to me, he gently stroked my skin, and continued to whisper.

I needed it.

All of it.

I needed him.

In a way I felt robbed. In human form I could cry; scream, and release my anger, but in this body it was suspended. I was forced to hold in the anguish and pain. I had no way of release, no form of appeasement to the feelings. I had to simply sort them out in my head, talk about them with others, and hope that was enough.

I chanced a glance up at Edward, and realized that he was watching me. "I'm sorry. I had no idea it would hit me like that. I was fine one second, then the next I wasn't." I tried for a smile, but it was watery and weak.

"Hey, we have all had that moment when it becomes final for us. The point in which we realize that this is the way we'll be for the rest of our existence, so no worries. I'm just worried about you, how are you?" he asked, as he continued to smooth my hair while his thumb ran in a circle across my skin.

"To be honest, I don't know. I thought I was good, but then this hit, so?" I shrugged my shoulders, and he sighed.

"I thought that all the preparation would have helped, that it would spare you this, but I guess not." I heard the anguish in his voice as he spoke.

"Hey, this is not your fault; as much as you love to play the martyr, it is not your fault. You had nothing to do with it. This was because of Tanya, but ultimately, it was my choice. I knew the consequences. I choose to stay to see what would happen, so shut the hell up!" I pushed away from him, and jumped off of the bed.

"Alice, Rose!" I shouted. They both were in the hallway between the rooms in a second.

"We need a night out. Let's get dressed up and go." I marched towards the room, and pulled open my expansive closet.

"Bella, look, I'm all for a good time just as much as the next person, but I got to be honest here, I'm not sure a night out is what you need. Especially tonight." Rose spoke with honesty, and I couldn't blame her for that.

"Why the fuck not?" I twirled the stud in my nose, a habit I had picked up lately.

"Well, for one, you are a newborn. Alice and I are not strong enough to hold you down if you should decide that this is not the lifestyle for you!" Rose stepped forward, and stood toe to toe with me. I could hear all the other footsteps that meant the rest of the household stood around, and watched as well. This was my opportunity to stand my ground.

"I get that, and I appreciate your concern for me. But, I'm an adult and want to go out, so are you in or not?" I stepped closer to her as I spoke.

"In. Well played, Isabella." Rose stepped away from me, and made her way down the stairs. "Come on, Emmett, looks like we're babysitting the newborn tonight. Let's go and get dressed." Emmett stuck his fist out for me to bump, and followed Rosalie back down to his room to get dressed.

Alice's eyes danced, and she could hardly hold herself still; the glee was about to explode out of her. Jasper, wisely, pulled her down the stairs and toward their room as well. He nodded at me, and gave a small smile as he left. I felt the pride that radiated in him. I wasn't sure if it was me that pushed it to him or he that pushed it toward me, but either way I felt it. I turned toward my room and heard Edward call out to me.

"Bella, are you sure about this?" he asked calmly, and quietly.

"Yes, Edward, I'm sure. I want to go out. I want to have fun, and I want to enjoy the fruits of my new found existence. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready." I turned on my heel, and was so happy that I made the turn without a spill, like I would have suffered with my human body.

"Can I go with you?" Edward asked.

I stopped, turned back to him, and looked him directly in the eyes. "I don't see why not. I mean you are part of this house so sure, you're welcome to join us. But get this one thing clear…we're not a couple; you made sure of that. You chose that option, not me. So, don't think that this invitation makes it all right between us, because it is not. We are members of a household that are going out together, not anything more, got it?"

He nodded.

I almost took back what I said when I saw the pain in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I never should have done that," he said, weakly.

"No, Edward, you shouldn't have and someday I _may_ forgive you, but not today. Today…I want to go out, enjoy my new body, and have a good time. Now, go and get dressed." I turned on my heel, and slammed my bedroom door.

I was almost certain that a smirk resided on Carlisle and Esme's face as I walked away. I couldn't be sure though.

I went to the stereo, and turned it on. I wanted something fun, something that would pump me up for a good night out on the town. I turned on Kelly Clarkson. I danced and dressed along to her lyrics about being stronger by being alone. It seemed appropriate, so I turned it up.

_**You know the bed feels warmer, sleeping here alone, **_

_**You know I dream in color, and do the things I want. **_

_**You think you got the best of me, think you had the last laugh**_

_**Bet you think that everything good is gone. **_

_**Think you left me broken down, think that I'd come running back**_

_**Baby, you don't know me, 'cause you're dead wrong.**_

I danced around, and picked out my clothes. I knew that Alice would approve of them. In fact, she had all but put them out there together.

I pulled out some sexy lingerie and put it on, underwear only as there was no need for a bra, especially with the dress I had planned to wear. I pulled the hairbrush off of my dresser, and began to sing into it.

_**What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger**_

_**Just me, myself, and I**_

_**What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, **_

_**Stand a little taller**_

_**Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone**_

I stopped to pull my dress on and then began to brush my hair out as I sang more. I contemplated the punishment that I would put Edward through. It seemed harsh, but he needed to suffer to see that he didn't get to treat me like a possession. I wasn't a simple-minded child or dog that he could make decisions for. He needed to see me as a partner, an equal, someone that would help him decide. Someone that would offer her own opinion and would talk things through, not someone that was able to stand in the corner and look pretty like someone you would dismiss.

_**What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller**_

_**Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. **_

_**What doesn't kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter. **_

_**Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause your gone.**_

_**What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger**_

_**Just me, myself and I.**_

_**What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller**_

_**Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. **_

_**Thanks to you, I got a new thing started**_

_**Thanks to you, I'm not the broken hearted**_

_**Thanks to you, I'm finally thinking about me**_

_**You know in the end the day I left was just my beginning…in the end.**_

I heard Edward knock on the door, and went to open it. My make-up was done, and so was my hair. I stood back, and allowed him to look at me. I knew I looked good and played up on every single feature that Edward loved. I knew he would like it. It was cruel…I knew it was…but damn it, he deserved a little punishment. I felt like he did anyway.

I felt his eyes watch me as I walked down the steps. We met Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie at the door to the garage. We all piled into Emmett's jeep, and made our way to the club.

There was no need to visit the bar. We went straight the dance floor, and danced. It was a fast song, and there were so many bodies pressed against each other. We joined in the mix. Alice, Rose, and I danced against each other. I felt sexy, and enjoyed every single moment of it.

Several guys danced with me, and kept it platonic. I enjoyed the attention. Apparently, Edward did not.

Shortly, after the last dance with the human, I felt Edward slip in behind me and dance against me. He felt so good, and I wanted to pull him closer to me, but I couldn't. I needed space, so I started to step away. Edward grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Bella, please. Don't go. I know you're angry at me, but please, just give me a chance. I'm sorry. I was wrong. Just give me a chance. Please." His eyes asked for a chance that my heart wasn't ready to give. I struggled.

"I can't, Edward. I just can't." I turned, and walked away from him.

"Why not?"

"I can't let you hurt me again. I just can't, you mean too much to me." I almost cried; if my body was able to cry, then it would have. I moved out the front door of the club, and Edward followed. I moved through the woods, and back toward Forks.

"Edward, leave me alone. I want to go home; I'm not ready for that step yet. I'm not saying never, but just not now."

Edward grabbed my arm again, and tried to stop me. I whipped around, and faced him again. "Edward, I said no. You need to learn no. You knew it so well when it was your turn to say it, so why are we having trouble now?" I spat at him, and he cringed back at my words, which only encouraged me.

"Bella, please."

"No!" I roared. "You fucking broke me, you hurt me more than words can express. I sat immobile in my desk chair for months after you left me. You took every fucking thing I had, and you walked away with it. I can't allow myself to go through that again, Edward. I just can't. I loved you, I loved you with every fiber of my being, but I can't do that again. You hurt me, and I can't forgive you that easily." I shoved him hard, and then threw him down on the ground.

Edward lay still, and allowed my anger to assert itself. I didn't hold back, I lifted him and threw his body against a tree, slamming myself against him. I yelled at him again, "You hurt me, you fucking hurt me!" He looked sorrowful, but I couldn't allow him to sway me. I wanted to release the anger.

Emmett and Jasper both appeared by my side, but Edward waved them off. That spurred my anger even more so. I was not at his mercy. He didn't get to decide what did and didn't happen to me. I yanked him up, and threw him down again. I punched him in the face. "I don't belong to you! You don't get to decide what happens to me, ever again!" I shouted.

"Bella, I didn't decide for you. I accept this, and I know that I deserve it, I do. I hurt you, and it killed me. I came back three times, because I couldn't stay away. Each time I almost gave in and approached you, but the last time, I saw you with Jacob. I watched you with him. It killed me to see you happy; to see your hand on his arm, and to see you smile for him. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself, and believe me, if it were easier to do so; I would be dead by now. I can't live in a world where I can't be with you. I regretted my decision every single second of every single day. I wanted you. I tried to protect you; to keep you away from harm. And now, I see how wrong that was. I shouldn't have made that decision alone, I should have asked you. I was just so scared that something in my world would take you away from me." He hung his head, and I stopped the barrage of angry punches that I had delivered to his body the whole time he spoke to me. "I had spent so much time alone and miserable, I didn't know how to be happy; I didn't know how to be in love and settled. It was my mistake, a mistake I'll live with for the rest of my existence. Trust me."

He sagged to the ground, and I let his shirt go. I let him fall as I stood over him. I saw his hurt and anguish as well. It affected me, but not to the point where I was ready to let go of my hurt and anger. I turned, and walked away from him.

Once out of his line of sight, I ran home. I entered my room, stripped my clothes off, showered, and threw myself into the bed. Frustration and anger weren't strong enough words to describe me at that moment.

I wanted him, I wanted to forgive him. But I couldn't yet. He had to understand that he needed to take into count my feelings. He couldn't make decisions for me anymore. I wasn't his stupid, fragile human.

I need something to calm me down, I clicked the music and turned it up.

A particular song struck me, and I clicked it to repeat.

_**Sometimes it's a pair of old faded denim I know, is gonna fit me like a friend,**_

_**Or some radio song, you can't help but sing along,**_

_**Wishing they'd spin it over and over again,**_

_**Could be the windows down on a Sunday drive,**_

_**Smell of rain on a summer night,**_

_**Anything that brings a little more comfort my way,**_

_**But sometimes, there's those times, it's gotta be you.**_

_**I keep telling myself I'm moving on but I'm stumbling,**_

_**Believing my heart was strong enough and now I'm wondering,**_

_**But every step I take that leads me away,**_

_**Just circles back to your door,**_

_**Wishing I didn't love you anymore.**_

_**I've tried turning to the arms of someone new,**_

_**But I can't seem to fool this fool,**_

_**I've seen closing time with every bottle dry,**_

_**I've seen days alone in my own room.**_

_**I've asked God and magazines,**_

_**Stacks of books and movie screens,**_

_**Anything to bring a little more comfort my way,**_

_**But sometimes, there's those times, it's gotta be you.**_

_**I keep telling myself I'm moving on but I'm stumbling, **_

_**Believing my heart was strong enough and now I'm wondering,**_

_**But every step I take that leads me away,**_

_**Just circles back to your door,**_

_**Wishing I didn't love you anymore,**_

_**You give more.**_

_**I've done everything I can to forget,**_

_**If there is a way I ain't found it yet.**_

_**I keep telling myself I'm moving on,**_

_**Believing my heart was strong,**_

_**But every step I take that leads me away,**_

_**Just circles back to your door, **_

_**Wishing I didn't love you,**_

_**What I'd give if I could touch you, **_

_**Wishing I didn't love you anymore. **_

I smelled Edward's scent, and I knew he sat on the other side of my door as I listened to my song. I wasn't sure if he heard my mind as I called out to him. I wanted to call out to him with my voice, but I wasn't ready yet. I prayed for understanding and patience for this to work out. I loved Edward with all of my being; I wanted to work this out.

_I love you, so why can't we be who we used to be, please tell me?_

Everything within me screamed those words for him. As soon as it did, he pounded on the door.

"Bella, we _will_ be. Please, let me show you. We can be. I promise you, we'll be back to normal again. I'll spend every moment of forever trying to show you that…"

I gasped, and Edward stopped mid-sentence when he realized that he responded to me from a thought I had in my head. He heard me. He heard my thoughts.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:Oh so evil to leave us there...But in my defense I don't think I have left you a cliffie at all in this story so I guess you can forgive me, right? Leave me some love and let me know what you think, please, I got to know on this chapter! See you all next Tuesday!**

**Till next time...**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Hello my little pretties! It's so good to see you all here today! To my new readers...very big hello! I got some polyvore sets and a playlist to go along with this chapter like always. Links are on my profile. Thanks to mamadog for pre reading and shadowed by passion for doing my beta work. Don't blame her if you see mistakes, I tweaked it a little after she sent me the edited copy! **

**Playlist:Breathing-Lifehouse, Lift Me Up-Christina Aguilera, Never Gonna Leave This Bed-Maroon5, Take Me As I Am- David Cook**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

**Bella**

I heard an explosion of sound outside my door. Several sets of footsteps as they pounded up the stairs as Edward continued to bang on the door. He shouted at me over and over again. I could hear the excitement in his voice, the hope even. I sat in the window seat and asked myself, did I want him to hear me? Is that how he got inside my head after all of this time?

So often, I had things I wanted him to know and then again, almost as often I was glad he couldn't hear what I thought about him. It seemed like a double edged sword to us if he would have been able to get in my head all the time.

Now, the thought that I could release my hold, my guard…dare I even say, release my shield; to allow him in only when I wanted, well that buoyed my happiness. Because as much as my brain told me I should be unhappy about it, I still loved Edward Cullen with all of my heart. I still wanted him with every fiber of my being.

Would this new event help in our understanding of each other? If he could see into my mind, see how much I hurt for him all the time he was gone, would it help? If he could see the reasons for the tattoos and drinking, would that change about how he feels about me? Would he think I was weak for the way I dealt with the pain? Would he judge me because I was so small that I couldn't move on when a boy left me. Again…double edged sword!

How much did I tell him? How much was too much? I grabbed my chest and held the spot where my heart used to be; it hurt for some inexplicable reason. I had too much to take in to process it all right now.

I needed to hit something, to hit it hard.

I ran to the closet and dressed in yoga pants and a sports bra. I threw on some ridiculous tennis shoes and pulled my hair up in a pony tail. I still heard the mob of family members outside my door as they discussed me quietly. I laughed at them, I don't know why they thought that was enough anymore, but I guess old habits die hard.

I jerked the door open and they all turned to look at me. I saw admiration, pity, concern, hopefulness and lust.

Emmett whistled low and long at the skin I showed. It was the first time anyone other than Alice, Rose and Edward saw the tattoo. "Wow, Bells, hot!" Jasper snorted at Emmett and slapped his arm.

Carlisle spoke before anyone else could respond to Emmett. "Bella, are you okay?" The concern radiated from his and Esme's eyes.

"Yeah, I will be. I just…" I scratched my head and dug for the exact description to explain it. I settled for, "it's a lot to take in. The whole absence, thinking I had lost this, then the dramatic turn of events in Seattle, now this and him." I tilted my head towards Edward. He shoved his hands in his jean pockets and dropped his chin to his chest.

"Bella, this is a lot for both of you. I know that I am by no means, in the thick of things, but I know that this is new for both of you. You have to adjust to a lifestyle you have never lived before." Carlisle turned and waved a hand toward Edward. "He has to learn to think of someone else and include them in his decisions. He has lived a long time alone, and while that is not an excuse, it should help you understand how he could be in the habit of not consulting anyone else." He turned to glance at Edward and I assumed he was talking to him through his thoughts. Edward made no move at all. "I am selfish; I want my entire family to be happy and together. But I also know that this is for you and Edward to solve. My only concern now is how do you feel after letting Edward in?" The entire group seemed to step closer, as if they would have trouble in hearing what I had to say to Carlisle. I was thrilled that they cared, that it meant that much to them all.

"I feel tired, worn out, and sad, but I don't know if it's letting down my shield or…" as I tried to finish the sentence, Jasper whooped and hollered.

"I told you she was a shield, I knew it." He turned to Edward. "Can you hear her now?" Edward still gazed at the floor, but shook his head to indicate his answer to Jasper.

"I only heard her when she was in her room, when she cried out to me, not now though." His eyes met mine. They held his grief, his pain and showed how much my cry for help had affected him. To know that I needed him and he couldn't help me, that he hadn't reached a point in our relationship where I would trust him enough to help me. It obviously hurt him.

"Okay, I say we let these two work this out," Carlisle said as he ushered the others back down the stairs to other parts of the house before he turned back to look at me. "Bella, let's try to work on this soon and see the extent of your shield, when you feel like it, okay?" I nodded.

When Carlisle disappeared down the steps, I turned and walked back into my room. I flopped down on the window seat and called out to Edward. "Are you coming in?"

He didn't answer, but I heard the door close and the whisper of the carpet as he walked into the room. He sat in the chair furthest from me. I tilted my head to suggest he move closer. He did without even looking at me.

I didn't like seeing him broken and so scared. But this was about me; this was about what I needed and how to fix the damage that was caused to me. So I put his feeling aside for now.

We sat in silence for a long time. It wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. In fact, it almost seemed relaxed. We took the time to gather our thoughts, to form them into something that made sense before we spoke; instead of going off all half cocked and spouting out whatever came to mind. At least that is what I did; there was no telling what Edward did in the silence.

"You know, part of me wants to tell you how much I still love you and let this all go." His face rose at a rapid speed even for a vampire and his eyes lit up.

"Really?" His small whisper almost broke me.

I felt the words on the tip of my tongue. "Yeah, really. I never stopped loving you, ever. This distance is not a matter of me not loving you; it is a matter of me protecting myself from hurt. I can't survive you leaving again. Especially not now, now that everything I have ever wanted in life is so close." I turned back toward the window. "If it slipped away now, I would lose my mind with pain and longing."

He rushed to my side on his knees as he spoke. "I would never do that to you again. I know the pain and the hurt of being alone after being with you. You got under my skin so fast and it killed me each and every day I was away from you, I swear it." His hand slid across my leg and it still amazed me how his touch could set off sparks within my body. "I can't do that to you anymore. I couldn't do it to me either."

I nodded. I didn't know what I wanted to say, so again, I sat in silence. "How do I know that? I know you say the words, but you said them last time, how do I know it is different now?"

He turned his body and sat on the floor beside the window seat. The side of his head pressed against my thigh and his hand thrown up over his shoulder and across my shin. I was so encouraged that he wanted, maybe even needed, the contact with my body as much I as wanted or needed contact with him.

"Bella, back when I was human, well… men were supposed to know it all, and women were supposed to be treated with kid gloves. They were nice to look at, but they weren't supposed to give their opinions at all. Men did the thinking, not women." I dropped a hand on his shoulder and he began to rub small circles on the bare skin of my shin. "My mother was an accomplished woman. She knew so much and was capable of so much, but my father was trained to not see it. He saw her as a trophy; something he deserved or won, something that was pretty to look at on the mantle. I guess I was more like him than I thought." He sighed and drew in a deep breath as he continued. "I slipped back in that mind frame. I was wrong. I acted out of haste and fear. I should have spoke to you, at least sought your opinion on it. I know how wrong I was and how much it hurt us both." He turned his body and stared up at me from the floor. "Bella, I love you more than my own life; I swear this and I'll spend the rest of my time here on earth trying to prove it to you." He laid his head down against my leg when he finished. He almost looked like the words took too much out of him, like he was drained when he finished.

I pulled on his hand and he rose up to his knees. My body twisted and I pulled him in between my knees. It felt right with him there. His face was a few slight millimeters from mine, his nose almost brushed against mine. "We'll be fine, I just need time and you need to show me, prove those words you spoke are the truth that I can lean on."

"I will, I swear it." His sweet breath washed across me and I moaned before I could stop the sound. I was still a virgin and my experience was very limited, but he turned me on with his every move, his subtle smoothness, and certainly with his body.

"I just want to try one thing, be very still." I mimicked his words when he kissed me for the first time. I leaned the fraction of the inch and pressed my lips to his. He returned my kiss; every move of my lips was matched with his. His hands flew to my hips and I felt his thumb brush against the skin just above my pants. When I moaned, his grip tightened on my hips.

"Oh God, Bella. You're magnificent; I can't begin to tell you how good you feel." He moved and kissed the side of my jaw and then down to my neck. It all felt amazing. "I was so stupid to ever let you out of my sight. I should have changed you the first moment I could. That way I would have had you with me for all of eternity from the start." He placed open mouthed kisses along my neck and shoulders as he spoke. This allowed his breath to brush across the wet kisses he had left. I shivered and pulled him closer to me. "I can't be without you for the rest of my existence, I just can't." I pulled his face back to mine and kissed him on his lips.

My mouth opened against his and his tongue slid inside of my mouth. I was breathless and almost lightheaded with the sensation of it all. Edward's hand moved around and pressed against the naked flesh of my back to hold me close to him as we kissed.

Edward slowed our movements until it was just small pecks with our closed lips. "Bella, I want to do this the right way. You know me; I'm nothing if not traditional." I could only chuckle in response to him, because he was indeed as traditional as he could get.

"I know." The smile was so evident in my voice, even though his head was pressed against my shoulder, nestled into my hair.

"Why did you change clothes?" Edward asked.

"Actually, I took off the dress and threw on a sweater to relax around here. Then when I panicked and got upset, I wanted to go down and box with Emmett, so I put this on."

"Box, why?" Curiosity laced his voice as he asked.

"Well, as a human, the emotions and adrenaline are dealt with naturally. We cry, we yell, we scream and do all sorts of other things to rid ourselves of that. But as a vampire, we can't cry so it seemed that the one outlet that felt right, to rid myself of these emotions, was unavailable to me. So, I thought that if I worked out my anger then I would no longer feel the need to cry it out." I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know if it made sense to him, but it made sense to me.

He tensed and pulled away as he took my hand. "Then let's go and box!" He pulled me out the door of my room and into his. He grabbed a pair of gym shorts and a pair of tennis shoes. A few moments later, he sauntered out of the bathroom dressed and prepared to box with me.

Several pairs of eyebrows rose as we move past them in the family room and out to the new space we had started. Rose and Emmett led the pack that immediately followed us. I wasn't surprised to see them or Jasper and Alice, but I was shocked to see Carlisle and Esme.

Carlisle threw up his hands and spoke. "I'm here to keep you two from killing each other." Emmett and Jasper both laughed at that statement. It was probably true yesterday, but not now that I knew he loved me. We just had a few details to work out and then we would be back to where we were before he left. All that was left now was for him to re-earn my trust.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I got your reviews and I want to say thanks, many more than I was expecting were on Bella's side! All for the same reasons...he shouldn't have decided for her and left her with no choice (to use his own words, LOL). Leave me some love let me know what you think is going to happen next, I love your theories!**

**Till next time...**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:A few things to talk about with you all...one- I will be donating a outtake from Metal Pointe for Stand Up 4 Katalina, so please consider donating to SU4C and send your receipt and you will get an awesome compilation filled with great outtakes from some of the most amazing authors. The even better part is you will be partially responsible for a chunk of money being donated to Cancer research! **

**Secondly- Every Other Weekend has been nominated for the Top Ten Completed Fics of September! So, I'm gonna shamelessly beg for your votes...you can vote once per day...just sayin'! And as a thank you, head over to EOW and leave me a review on chapter 62 to tell me what you would like as a future take, I will write the top three ideas for you all! That's fair, right?**

**Playlist: Part of Me-Katy Perry, Nothing on You Girl-B.O.B, Call My Name-Charlotte Church, S&M-Rhianna, Hello- Lionel Richie featuring Jennifer Nettles, Beam Me Up- P!nk, Torn- Natalie Imbruglia, True Love-P!nk featuring Rose Cooper**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

**Edward**

I had Bella in my arms and she felt a million times more magnificent than I ever remembered. That says a lot, because vampires have impeccable, infallible memory!

I kissed her slowly and gently. I knew she wanted more, but I wanted to show her how much I was going to worship her; how much I cared for her, and how much I wanted to protect her from any pain in her life ever again. I had to show her these things; I just had to.

I pressed my hand to her back, the skin exposed by the ridiculously small sports bra she wore.

Our skin was the same temperature now, and I still couldn't get over the thought.

She was here; she was a vampire and we had eternity to be together.

My unused heart felt like it would explode with happiness.

I slowed our kiss and held her close to me. I wanted more; I wanted everything from her. In fact, I had never been more willing to just seize the moment and take all she had to offer. But…I had to show Bella she was different, she was more important than a quick fuck on her window seat.

We made our way down the stairs, our hands firmly clasped. I expected the family to be shocked, but no one was shocked at all. In fact, they were shocked it took us so long to work out our differences. I could hear the different thoughts from our family; they all echoed the same happy, peaceful thoughts for us and our relationship.

Carlisle's exact thought was, _'Son, you two were fated to be together from the moment you laid eyes on one other, just relax and enjoy your newfound happiness.'_

It felt good to have a confirmation of my exact thoughts upstairs. I had to have Bella in my life. I knew that now.

I stood back and watched as Bella and Emmett boxed with each other. I offered to teach her, but she declined. I wanted to protest until she informed me she had other things she wanted me to teach her. She asked me to be patient and wait my turn. As patient as I tried to be, my mind raced with the possibilities.

I knew my skills, I knew my talents and I prayed the things she wanted me to teach her were none of those. I wanted to investigate a new territory for us…well, for me anyway. I would not question what Bella had done while we were apart. I had lost that right. I just had to accept the fact that she was with me now and we would move forward with one other.

All the possibilities of what we could do ran through my mind as I sat and watched Bella take in Emmett's instructions. She looked glorious with her hair roughed up, and her eyes wide in excitement and wonder. Her body bounced around Emmett as he explained what she should do or look for. I watched her. Every single move she made had me mesmerized with her beauty.

I longed to hold her; to make her see how much I loved her. I also needed her to recognize I knew my mistakes; I had learned from them and would never again make that type of decision without her again.

Before I realized it, I walked toward the make shift ring Bella and Emmett currently danced around. I wanted to pull her into my arms and show the world she was mine, right here, right in front of everyone. Unfortunately, Alice and Rosalie cut me off and reached Bella's side before I could.

"Come on, we've been dying to try this, but we've been too busy in Denali and besides we didn't want Tanya with us when we did," Alice commented, but Bella's growl at Tanya's name cut her off.

Rose grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her into the far corner of the room where three metal poles had been secured. My eyes almost fell out of my head when I realized exactly _what_ those poles were for. I turned to walk away, but Emmett stopped me.

"No way man, if we have to be tortured with this, then you do as well. Besides, it just might speed things along for you and Bella there." Emmett nodded toward the corner where the girls stood around a stereo picking out music to dance to. Bella was turned sideways, so I could see her profile and she was obviously happy. Her head thrown back and she laughed a bright tinkling sound that settled inside of my heart and made it swell like the Grinch's. My hands ached to hold her, my lips longed to kiss her, my body needed to possess her.

I was stunned, I was officially a horny teenager and I had found the object of my desire; Bella.

Alice and Rose talked to Bella; they explained a few things they had learned at a pole dancing class somewhere along the way. Who knew there was even such a thing, but I would say this…it did not surprise me those two had taken it. Not at all.

The music started and all three set of hips began to sway. Bella stood off to the side to watch Alice and Rosalie as they started to move around the poles. Their bodies were hypnotizing, but they were nothing compared to Bella's. The small amount of material that covered her body was enticing and frustrating all at the same time. I wanted her covered up more, so no one else saw her body; yet I wanted her stripped naked as she swung her hips around for me.

Shame and embarrassment flooded me. I couldn't believe I had thought of Bella in such a despicable way. Jasper must have caught my emotions, because he turned to me and asked the question with his raised eyebrow. I shook my head at him. I didn't want to answer this with the girls right there, when I knew Bella would hear everything. He raised his eyebrow higher and I tilted my head slightly in the direction of the girls. He sighed and stood up to move toward Alice.

Jasper's hands hit her hips and he twisted his body to match hers. He leaned down to speak into her ear and she kissed the side of his face. Jasper must have told her what our plans were, because she winked at me as Jasper walked away from her. I remember how it felt to have my face flood with embarrassment, and I was certain it would have turned as red as Bella's usual glow, were it possible.

When Jasper and I stepped outside into the cool night air, I immediately felt too far away from Bella. I wanted to open the door and go back inside to watch her more. Jasper's hand was the only thing that kept me from doing just that.

"No way, dude, we need to talk. What was all of the embarrassment about?" He twisted his head and nodded toward our previous location.

"I…I'm not sure I can explain it." I dropped my head and stared at my lap.

"Hey, man, it's just you and me, talk to me." Jasper's hand waved between our two bodies. I had to admit, if I had to choose any person in our family to even attempt to talk this out with, Jasper was certainly at the top of my list.

"Okay, I love her, with every single fiber of my being. I would take a bullet for her, anything. I get that it's normal and I know I have to earn her trust again, so that's not the issue." I paused. I looked back up at Jasper and saw the clear calm demeanor written on his face. Most importantly, I didn't see judgment, so I continued. "I want her, like bad. I wanna do things to her that before she came into my life, I found disgusting. But…I would never degrade Bella in that way, so why the hell am I thinking of her in such a way?" I slapped my thighs as I finished up.

"Hey, first of all, I know you and I know what you probably find disgusting is par for the norm now. So, first of all, why don't you tell me what it is you want to do to her, so I can be a better judge?" I knew he would ask me to be more detailed in my description. Jasper always liked all the elements before he made a decision.

I took in a deep, unnecessary breath. My old fashioned brain told me it was wrong to discuss this particular topic with anyone, to discuss our love life was in bad form in my day and age. But I didn't live in my day and age anymore. I lived now, so I had to start thinking in modern terms in order to accomplish my task, winning back Bella. "Fine, I want to strip those little scraps off of her and bend her over something. I want to fuck her hard," I spat the word 'fuck' out as if it were something I used every single day. I never used it, but right now the level of desire I had within me, well, fuck was the only word to accurately describe how I wanted to take Bella. I wanted to just simple give in to our passion and allow our bodies to do whatever we wanted with each other. I softened my tone and words because I did want to make love to Bella as well. I wanted to show her all sides of me and how I could love her with all of them as well. "As I kiss and lick each and every inch of her body. I want to whisper all of my deep, dark fantasies in her ear. I want to watch her eyes dilate with pleasure as I make her come. All those positions and things I've seen in all those minds, things that seemed so disgusting before… but now, now I have Bella, I picture her and I in all those scenarios and I want it. With her I want it all." I stood and began to pace around. I couldn't contain my frustration or excitement.

"Well, it is exactly as I suspected. What you find disgusting, she'll probably find exciting. You came from a different era where sex was a thing you simply did to procreate. She is from this time, man, where sex is to be explored and enjoyed. Tell her what you want, talk it out with her, and give her a chance to let you know what she wants. If it's not what you want, then keep talking until you both come to a point where you agree. Bella wants you; I know for a fact she does." He tapped my shoulder with his fist and I couldn't help but grin. No matter how many times I heard it, it still made me smile when I took it in. "This is your problem Edward." He tapped my forehead. "You think too much, just do for once. Trust Bella and do, don't think. She'll love the change and spontaneity of it all and chances are, so will you."

I nodded as my reply.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, all this talk about bending people over and fucking 'em has me horny!"

I pushed him away from me and slapped my hands over my ears as he ran back to the garage door. I heard his dark sinister chuckle at my reaction. As sick as it sounded, it made me jealous that he and Alice would be upstairs in a matter of minutes doing the things I wanted to do to Bella. I watched as Jasper ran past me with Alice in his arms. She winked and nodded toward the now open door.

When I stepped back into the brightly lit room, the music still played as Bella danced alone on the small stage. Rose and Emmett must have left while Jasper and I talked.

This left Bella and I alone in the room, with our sexual tension.

I felt it. It radiated off of both of us and crackled in the middle of the room where it met.

Bella's back was to me as she faced the mirror, watching herself dance. At some point after I left, she had removed her workout pants. She danced around the pole in her sports bra and a small pair of…something I had never seen before. They were tight, like biker shorts, but they were smaller. I had no idea what they were called, but I loved them. Bella's ass was shown off to perfection in them. I wanted to touch her so much so, that I moaned.

Bella spun around to catch me watching her. Her eyes showed as much lust as I was sure mine did. The song changed and she began to dance for me. Her hips and chest swung independently of each other and her body seemed to undulate to the beat of the song. Her skin seemed to glow, almost as if she were covered in a light sheen of sweat. I knew that wasn't possible, but it certainly played with my mind when I saw her. Her smile was innocent and yet seductive as she danced. She knew exactly what she was doing and she enjoyed every single minute. Well, two could play that game.

As I stood rooted to my spot, my shirt came off. I unbuckled my belt and undid my jeans. I pushed them down and toed off my shoes, so my jeans would slip over my feet. The white socks followed my jeans. I stood only in my tight boxer briefs, my cuff and a leather necklace, Jasper bought me last year for Christmas.

I moved with purpose and approached Bella. She startled slightly when I came into view in the mirror. Her eyes widened as I stepped up and pressed my almost naked self against her skin. My hands settled on her hips and I swayed us together in time to the music. Bella's hand dropped to cover mine, almost as if she wanted to hold me closer to her. I had no qualms with this. I couldn't have let go of her body right now if my life depended on it.

Bella leaned back against me and moaned when I pressed closer to her. My head dropped to her shoulder and I placed a small kiss to her skin. I wanted to shout out with joy when I saw Bella shiver when my lips touched her skin.

I had no plan, I had no thoughts; I would just do and see where it got me. If we ended up in bed then fine, if not, then okay too. I wanted Bella and I wanted to prove to her she mattered to me. That was my only goal right now.

About halfway into the song, the rhythm changed and became more seductive. A woman began to sing about her longing and pain, because she couldn't be with her man. Bella's hands left the spot on top of mine as she raised them above her head to dance. I took it as my chance to remove her sports bra. I wanted to see her, completely in all of her naked glory.

Thankfully, she didn't argue when I did. She flipped her hair out of the way and allowed me access to her beautiful pale neck and shoulder. I kissed them both. I licked and sucked and pulled Bella closer when she seemed weak from all the attention I paid to her body.

"Please, baby, please let me hold you and love you. We can go as far as you want, but I need you in whatever form you'll give me," I begged her.

She nodded and bent down to put on her sports bra again. I walked over to my clothes and pulled my jeans back on, but didn't zip or button them. They wouldn't be on long enough to necessitate any further action for them. I picked Bella up once she was covered again and ran out the door.

I took a left away from the house and ran through the woods. I wanted to take her to the small cabin Esme remodeled when she bought the house. It was originally designed to be servant's quarters, but for us it served a different purpose. For us, it was a safe haven to get away to when we wanted alone time with our mate, without the prying ears of our family. I figured Bella would appreciate this for our first time doing whatever she wanted to do tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:So there's dear old Edward...always too much in his head, looks like he got over himself and pulled it together, about time...right?**

**Till next time...**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Sorry the laptop is acting wonky and I know for sure it has a virus, maybe more wrong with it! I've been nursing it along but looks like today I need to spend some serious time working on it, please pray my surgery goes well and it works again because I do not have the money for a new one! Okay? **

**Playlist:Gravity-Sara Bareilles, My Love- Lionel Richie feat. Kenny Chesney, Need You Now- Lady Antebellum, Try- P!nk, Just Give Me A Reason- P!nk feat. Nate Ruess, Don't Dream It's Over- Crowded House, Give Me One Reason- Tracy Chapman, Start of Something Good- Daughtry**

**Now get on down there and read, you know you wanna know what happens...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 27<strong>

**Edward**

I carried Bella to the bedroom. The bed was fluffy and soft and the sheets were the best money could buy. Esme spent a lot of time and money on this cottage. All in an effort to make it perfect for us; a safe place for us to be alone with our mates and to not worry about letting loose.

I for one couldn't thank her enough now, because perfection was all I craved in this moment. I wanted to show Bella how much she meant to me and how I would never make decisions for her again. From now on we were equal. Equal in every aspect.

The fact that she was the same as me turned me on beyond belief. Who knew I would want her because she was like me; our bodies were equals, our minds were as well. She could take every single thing I gave and never tire from it. She could feel all the extra sensations I could feel and she was mine for all of eternity. Mine.

I was overwhelmed and wished I could feel tears of happiness and the enormity of the situation as they slipped down my face; but there would be none of those. It was a trade-off I would gladly give to spend all of eternity with Bella. Her body and mind were both equally as stunning and I had no honest idea which I would appreciate more after a few dozen decades. It didn't matter, because I had all of her.

"Tell me what you want, baby," I whispered against her ear, as I placed small kisses there as well.

"You, I just want you, Edward. That's all I've ever wanted." Her whispered words struck me with the simplicity of them. Alice, Rosalie, and even Esme wanted things and tokens to outwardly show your love to them. Not that this was wrong, but Bella, she was completely different. She simply needed a touch, a word or glance. She only needed personal confirmation and not material things.

"Oh, baby, I swear you have me. I'm sorry that I ever made you doubt that connection. I'll spend eternity making it up to you. I promise." I kissed her softly across her exposed chest and shoulders.

Her head fell back and made more room for me, so I took advantage. I kissed down past the edge of fabric that made up her sports bra, while my hand ran along her hips and down to the vast expanse of her legs. My fingers tingled from the feel of her skin on my hands. I felt the small amount of give that her no longer fragile exterior had. She now felt normal to me; before she was always so hot next to my cool skin. Now, we were the same temperature.

I wanted to rush and feel; to experience and taste every single inch of her right now. But being as this was a first for us, I wanted to savor it more than I wanted to rush. Plus, I also wanted to give her the ability to stop us at any moment, if she decided we had gone too far. I had to be honest, all along I prayed, that once we started, she would never get to the point where it was far enough..

All my years of 'seeing' from the minds of others and 'hearing' their ideas on things, did not prepare me for this moment. It was just me and Bella alone, and I couldn't be happier. I didn't want their images or ideas; I wanted to figure this out with her, side by side as partners should be.

"Can I undress you, baby?" I asked, as my mouth ghosted along her shoulder.

"Yes." Her voice quivered as she answered.

I ran a hand along her hip and pulled her closer to me, as I asked her, "You okay?"

"Edward, I'm scared," her sweet lips replied to me. I stilled instantly.

"Why, Bella? Tell me." I knew I could say lots of flowery words and promises; offer her things, but that wasn't Bella before and that wouldn't be Bella now. I needed to show her that I valued her as my mate and I did that the only way I knew how. I listened to her and would reassure her after I'd heard her fears.

She pulled me closer to her and wrapped our bodies up, so there was no air between us. I loved to feel her so close to me. "I, I'm pretty stupid. I tried to carry on and get over things when you…"

I sat real still, but I realized she couldn't say it, so I did. "Left you."

She nodded.

"I tried to fall for Jacob and almost did. I cared for him, but not like I always have for you. Then he left, and I understand why he did, but it still hurt me deep in my soul. And then I tried to move on with Riley, but with him, he was only there to keep me from feeling sorry for myself." She glanced up at me and I held her gaze. I tried to show her there was no judgment on my part; I was here to listen and to try to make her feel better about it all. "I needed someone to show me that I wasn't useless, worthless or unlovable. And he did that. He showered me with gifts; he took me places and showed me off. I loved it all, but at times, I asked myself why I loved it." My hand tightened around her back and I began to rub soothing circles on her skin to distract myself. This wasn't about me, it was about her and I deserved every single torturous thing she had to say. "I realize now it was all about distraction. I pretended that his preening over me was love, but in reality it was the furthest thing from it. He wanted a plaything and that's all I was. I wasn't his love, his girl or any of that, I was his plaything." She shuttered and rested her head against my chest. I tucked her under my chin and hoped it was enough to make her feel safe.

"I'm scared to trust Edward, you and me. I'm so fucked up at this point, that I don't even know if I can trust my own judgment anymore. After what happened with Riley; I trusted him and he drugged me, tied me to a fucking bed and was going to whore me out to his friends as a party favor." Her whole body shivered and she heaved in the exact fashion she would if she were sobbing. I held her close and allowed her emotions to settle around her.

When her body stilled, I talked to her. "Bella, you have no idea how stupid I feel; how much I hurt because I hurt you. I did this," I waved my hand behind her back, "to you. It is my only regret in all of my years. If I could go and take it all back, I would." I inhaled a staggering breath. "I will never hurt you again, Bella. I will never be so arrogant as to assume I know more than you do, especially when it comes to you and your feelings. I swear it, I know those words don't mean much, but trust me when I say I will prove it to you somehow, someway, some day!"

Bella and I lay silently in bed for what a human would call hours; to us it was four hours and twenty-nine minutes. We were both wrapped up in our own thoughts and needed to figure those out, before we could have a meaningful conversation. Bella's back was against my chest and my arms were wrapped around her. Our skin touched and caressed each other, but it was not in a sexual way, it was calming. It reassured me that she was actually here with me. That I still had a chance.

"Edward, other than anything to do with us, what is your favorite memory?" Bella's voice broke the silence. I chuckled as I thought of her conditions on the question, how well she knew me. She knew I would say something to do with us and our relationship, because of all my favorite memories, all of them with her were.

"We have gone to most of the natural disasters in recent history and helped out. It was Emmett's idea." Her head shifted to see me better as I spoke. "He was watching the news after one of the tsunami's and they talked about how tired and worn down all the helpers were; how it slowed down the process of cleaning up and recovering bodies. So, Emmett suggested we go and help, so we did. Then the next disaster, we did the same and continued to do so. Hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, you name it and we've been there." Her hand had begun to caress mine as I spoke. "We don't rush as quickly to the fires for obvious reasons, but we do still go. We just keep a safer distance." I chuckled as I spoke. Rose, especially, doesn't like the fires.

Bella kissed the hand that held her across her chest. I was surprised at how easily we slipped into the relationship again. It encouraged me as well.

"Do you think that will help with the whole soul issue?" she asked, as her lips ghosted across the skin of my arm as she spoke. I had to think about this for a moment before I answered. Part of me wanted to say no, that it was purely out of concern for society in a weak moment for them, but I couldn't. I knew that deep down inside, I hoped that the acts of kindness and love I showed would go a long way for me, especially now that Bella was in my life.

"I don't know, I want to say no, but I can't say it with full conviction. I just don't know, maybe?" I asked instead of told her.

"Edward, you know there is nothing wrong with worrying about your soul and searching out ways to make yourself as good and as clean as possible. Why does it scare you so?"

She could certainly ask some hard questions.

I took a moment before I spoke.

"In my time, your reputation was everything. People didn't move around then like they do now, they didn't start over; they were born, grew up and stayed in one place. So, if you did something to screw that up and sully your reputation, then you were forced to overcome it your entire life. I guess I'm looking at the whole soul issue the same way. I want to be good, to not be a monster, and it matters to me what is thought of me, to include God's opinion, I guess."

"When I was a child I heard a sermon once on sin. The preacher said that God expects us to sin and to fall short. So why do you feel like you are above those expectations? Why do you feel like an act that was outside of your will, will condemn you for the rest of your life? You sin and fuck up just like the rest of us do every single day, get over it. Do the best you can with what you have been given and let God settle the rest. Besides, it's not like you sought Carlisle out and asked for this, it was done to you. I think God knows that."

Somehow or another Bella always had a way of cutting through my self-indulgent bullshit and always brought me back to reality. In essence, she told me to get the fuck over myself and stop believing it was all about me. I loved her for that, because she knew me and she knew what I needed to hear.

I chuckled and pulled her closer to me. "You are too good to me, you know that?" I ghosted my lips across the back of her hair and drew in a breath to smell her again. She always smelled so good. I felt her nod. "What is your favorite memory, aside from any that are about us?"

"My dad took me to the beach one year so we could spend our week together. Mom would have been alone because Phil was gone on a road trip with the team, so dad invited her to come and spend the day with us. We laughed, played, built sandcastles, hunted for sea shells, ate together…everything." She took a deep shuttering breath that was more about emotions than actual air intake. "We were a family, the only time I've ever had that," she whispered.

"I remember bits and pieces of my family, my mom and dad. It's all kind of fuzzy though; guess I'm lucky because Alice doesn't remember a single thing at all. I think that's why I'm so happy about the current situation we have now, with the family and all, because I get something from each of them every single day. We play off of each other and it is a real give and take. Each of us gives as much as we take." I gazed deep into her eyes, she saw me, my soul and I loved it. It didn't scare me like I thought it would at all. "I can't wait to see how you fit into the group with us, on a permanent basis, all day, every day…with Emmett." I chuckled and she smacked me across my arm.

Several weeks had gone by with Bella and me working on our relationship, the trust issue and talking with each other. We spend our days like all the rest of the family, in whatever pursuits we wanted, but our nights were for each other. We talked, discussed books, life, art, music, places to travel and whatever we wanted.

"Bella, can I take you to Seattle? There is a concert there I think you would love to see. You know, like a real date, just you and me?" I shoved both hands in my pockets and rocked back on my heels.

"Sure, when do you want to go?" She moved items around on her desk as she searched for something.

"We would leave tomorrow morning and stay overnight, if that's okay?" I asked.

"Why wouldn't that be okay, Edward?"

"Well, I didn't want to pressure you or anything; make you think I had ulterior motives." I answered honestly.

"Ah, I gotcha. Well, I didn't think that at all, so there." She stuck her tongue out at me like a child.

I couldn't help myself; I grabbed her and kissed her on the mouth. Her lips molded to mine perfectly and soon our tongues melted together as well. We kissed as long as we wanted; we had no need for air so there was nothing to stop us. I finally pulled away when I was too turned on to feel like I could stop if I didn't right then.

"I love you so much, Bella," I whispered across her lips.

"I love you too, Edward." My body froze. _She loved me?_

She slapped her hand across my bicep and chuckled. "Don't look so shocked, I never _stopped_ loving you, I just refused to admit it for awhile." She chuckled again and I joined her. I loved her new attitude. I loved her new everything. My thumbs involuntarily found her tattoos and began to rub across each of them. I wanted to see them, to kiss them, to show her how much I loved all of her newness.

But, it would have to wait until we got to Seattle, since I heard my family marching up the stairs to our floor to 'talk,' according to Alice's mental shouting.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:So I won't tell you what mamadog said when she got this chapter, something to do F**cking C*ck B**cking Beyotch! LOL, sorry, I swear I didn't go into this chapter doing this on purpose, I just felt it was real and how Bella would feel! So, trust me, okay? Leave me some love if ya feel the need or a little hate mail if that's how you feel too! And a little fic pimping for you all...The Body Artist by quiet drabble...it seriously owns me right now, like I shake and get mean if she takes too long to update! It's almost done, one or two more chapters and she promises those this weekend! So for those of you who like to hold out till it's completed, you are safe! Put your big girl panties on and read it! It starts out sexy and fluffy as hell then turns on a dime, like real life so often does! You won't be sorry! **

**Till next time... **


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:First of all, let me take a moment to say thanks to Shadowed by Passion because she rushed and edited this for me on the fly! Thanks so much, I know you were tired and I appreciate it more than you will know! And to my dear readers, thanks for all the reviews, I love to read them and I know that I don't get the chance to respond, but I appreciate them all! I promise it's because of my crazy real life, trust me if I were a vampire, I'd respond to every single one of you, every chapter! Sorry the last few chapters have been in Edward's pov, they just felt right from his brain. Hope you don't mind. The playlist is within the chapter this week! Enjoy! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

**Edward**

Bella and I packed a bag and drove off to Seattle alone. I was so thankful. Emmett and even to a certain extent Jasper, have driven me crazy. Emmett made up a song; the only lyrics are 'why haven't you tapped that ass yet?' and then a whole bunch of humming. I now wanted to inflict bodily harm to him on sight. Then Jasper, he was just as bad. He would saturate the room with love and lust whenever Bella and I were in the same room.

Could you imagine how hard it was to hold back, when I already wanted her with every fiber of my being? Then for him to do that, it wasn't easy to restrain myself! In fact, it was the hardest thing I had ever done; harder than when I walked away and left her in the woods alone. This was why I was thankful we were alone, as we headed off to another city to spend a quiet night together.

The ride was filled with laughter and talking; we acted like we had already been together for a lifetime. She nodded as I spoke, like she already knew what I wanted to say and I found her saying things the moment they popped into my mind as well. Part of me wanted to think it was part of her shield, but the other part of me relished in the fact that we knew each other _that_ well. I would certainly have to ask Carlisle and Jasper about the shield thing when we got home, but for now, as the man who was in love with her, I allowed my mind to tell me it was the love between us that let us communicate so easily this soon.

When we pulled up to the valet, I helped Bella out of the car. I didn't want some stud putting his hands on my woman; besides his thoughts didn't please me. He only focused on the size of her breasts and ass, not her beautiful face or stunning personality. I wanted to take him to task, but I let it go when she pulled me close and gave me a searing kiss right in front of him. To top it off she winked at him as we walked off, with my arm around her waist and hers tucked into my back pocket. I certainly loved my new freer, more outgoing Bella. Her confidence was part of what made her even sexier.

We spent the afternoon walking around Seattle and looked in several different book shops, where Bella purchased a few rare books. I bought some new music and we walked through the markets. I loved being with her like this, but to be honest I couldn't wait for tonight; to hold her close as we danced to the music, to show her how special she was to me. I was like a kid that waited for Santa; time was not my friend.

I finally convinced Bella it was late enough to go back to our room and get ourselves ready. She laughed at me. I think she knew how anxious I was, but she humored me and we headed back at a fast pace.

Bella allowed me to shower and get dressed first. I didn't mind; it would give me something to do to keep my mind off of the fact that we were about to go out on a real date together. The fact that tonight could make or break our future was something I tried not to focus on as I washed my body and hair. As I got dressed, I attempted to make my hair manageable. As embarrassing as this was to say, for special occasions like this, I usually let Alice or Rosalie add their special touches to it. Coupled with doing it on my own and my extra nervousness, I was a wreck and my hair showed it.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, Bella laughed at me.

"Come on." She pulled my arm back into the bathroom and the rest of me followed. She ran her fingers through my hair a few times and smoothed it down. When I looked at myself again in the mirror, my hair was perfect. I smiled at her and left her alone in the bathroom.

I paced the room and tried to occupy myself as she got ready. I heard the shower water start up, which made me think of her naked. I could tell when she moved out from under the spray of the shower and the water no longer ran down her sexy body. Instead it splashed unceremoniously to the tile floor. I heard her hum as she washed her hair and when she stepped back under the water to rinse it.

The torture was easier to take when she stepped out and began to fix her hair, although, even that simple act tortured me too. To think of how it always smelled so good and how soft it was; her beautiful curly brown hair mixed with the highlights she now had. Okay, this was not easier at all.

The bathroom fell somewhat silent as she applied her make-up. I could smell the powders and creams she used. It didn't take long before I heard the bathroom door open. She stepped out and stood stock still for me.

She was breathtaking.

She wore a dark blue dress that hugged her waist and knees. The fabric draped and gathered around her hips to show them off just a little. The top of the dress was a halter style and had no sleeves. The dark blue looked sublime, as it draped over her delicious breasts and showed off her flawless back. I could see the edges of her tree tattoo and if she lifted her left arm, I could see her dragonfly as well. It was amazing what a small amount of ink could do to my libido.

Bella stepped forward and asked for my help with her necklace, by way of holding it out toward me. I took the thin strands of silver and clasped it behind her. I ran my hands down her arms and along the cool silver of her scrollwork bracelet and then the large stone of her aquamarine ring. I longed to replace that simple stone with a ring that had much more significance, more meaning; in due time, all in due time.

She turned her head and glanced at me from the corner of her eyes; she simply watched me as I took her in one more time. She was the picture of perfection and I couldn't wait to show her off; to sit back and relish in her beauty, to hold her in my arms and dance with her around the room, to be the man who was lucky enough to call her his.

Our hands clasped together as we made our way out of the room. I watched the eyes and heard the thoughts of other men as we passed them by. They all agreed with me on her beauty, but that was where most of our similar thoughts stopped. Most men thought of how she would fulfill their fantasy; how he would use her and conquer her. I knew that she was never to be treated that way; she was to be cherished, to be prized as an equal and to be loved as no other before or after her. Bella caught my eye after each man passed us by. She could assume what they thought and smirked at my reactions to their thoughts. She knew how she looked and for once; she was proud of herself, she was made for this life.

She was finally confident; certain of her strength and beauty.

Now, she would always desire a man to be her mate, but she no longer needed one because of her failure or inadequacies.

There in lay the difference; she didn't need to be with me, she chose to be.

I finally understood it. I got it.

I knew what Alice, Esme and Rose all tried to tell me about her.

How she needed to know she was capable before she could put her trust in me.

I got it!

I stopped and pulled Bella against my chest. "I love you, Bella, so much. I get it now. You're here by choice and not because you have to be. I see the confidence and strength in your eyes and I was wrong. I should've trusted you when you said you were made for this life, because you are. I was wrong to hold off on changing you and now I regret that it was Tanya and not me. I'm sorry." I pulled her in and kissed her lips before she could respond.

When we pulled away from each other, she placed her hand on my cheek, her eyes gleaming. "Oh Edward, that's it exactly. I love you, I want you and I want us. I choose this life. I choose us and I choose you. I love you, Edward, all of you for all of time." She kissed me this time.

A couple of teenagers hooted at us from across the street, so we moved on to the club. Bella gasped when she saw the name on the marquee.

"You're taking me to see Diana Krall?" Her excitement was clearly understood as she spoke.

"Yeah."

Bella had discovered her through Esme, since Esme had been a fan of hers for a while now. I hoped she would like it and was thrilled to learn I had guessed correctly.

"We should have brought Esme and Carlisle with us, she'll hate that she missed it." Bella's face soured for a few seconds. I took her hand in mine again.

"Bella, Esme has seen her like ten times, met her even. She's okay with us seeing her alone; she encouraged me to do the whole weekend. She knows and is not upset at all." Bella's face returned to the excited childlike smile she wore when she first found out.

We took our seats in a booth off to the side of the stage. It was surrounded by curtains and made to be secluded, yet give an excellent view of the singers. We ordered a drink and pretended to drink it while we waited. Bella sat close to me and I held her as we talked. Each second the ring in my pocket burned my leg, I was dying to ask her.

I felt it all day, all week in fact. I knew, she had opened up to me, and to hear her say those words today that she chose me, sealed my desire to ask her even more. Then I got a text from Alice-_**don't think, just do it**_. I knew it was the right time. I just had to find the right moment.

Diana took the stage and began to sing for us. She sang all of her standards, "Fly Me to the Moon," "Every Time We Say Goodbye," "Let's Fall In Love," and "You Don't Know Me." I could tell the night was winding down and Diana encouraged the audience to make use of the small dance floor. I knew this was the right time. I pulled her hand and took her close to the stage so we could dance together. Diana began to sing "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart." It allowed me to hold her close and the words were so appropriate for us. I truly felt like I needed to mend her broken heart; I wanted to.

When I heard Bella's sweet sigh, I pulled the ring out of my pocket and slid it down on her third finger of her left hand that rested on my chest. I didn't say a word, I allowed her to just gaze at it. Our feet never stopped moving, our gaze never broke. All the rest of the crowd faded away, including Diana, it was just Bella and me.

"Please let me mend you, let me love you for all of eternity. Marry me?" I whispered, as if the words spoken aloud wouldn't hold as much weight.

Bella glanced at the ring and back at me. Her pause scared the shit out of me. I needed her more than my own existence, she had to say yes.

"Edward, I love you more than words and nothing would make me happier, yes, a million times yes!" I think she wanted to say more, but I didn't give her the chance, I tipped her head up and kissed her on the mouth, then I kissed her ring…my mother's ring. Then I kissed her again.

Diana said good night and moved off the stage, so I urged Bella back toward our seats. I had arranged for her to meet Diana as well, but Bella didn't know that as of yet. The waitress came to collect us and Bella's eyes widened. We were ushered into the room where we waited a few minutes for her to finish up with the people before us. Bella fidgeted and became nervous, but her hand never strayed far from her ring and she glanced up at me every few seconds.

"What is it, love?" I asked her.

"I'm afraid this isn't real, like it's going to all just disappear or something," she admitted.

"Oh it's real, so real." I leaned down and kissed her again. I heard a throat clear and we both glanced over to see Diana Krall as she watched us put on a show for her.

"I saw the two of you dancing, your love is beautiful." She reached for Bella's hand. "Is this new?"

Bella nodded.

"Just now, in fact," I replied.

"Well, I'd say this one is a keeper. He looks at you like you are the only woman on the planet and he buys a ring that looks like this…" Bella found her voice.

"Oh, have no fear, I'm keeping him. It's been a long, hard fight to get him and I'm keeping him," she glanced up at me, "for all of eternity." I kissed her on her forehead.

"Thank you for tonight's show. It was spectacular, our first time seeing you," I directed to Diana.

"Great, glad you had a good time."

"I'm Esme Cullen's adopted son. She sends her regards and hates that she missed it." Diana's face lit up and it was so easy to see her beauty, but she was nothing compared to my Bella.

"Esme, she is such a beautiful person. She has an old soul vibe to her that I love. Please tell her I missed her and would love to see her the next time I'm in town." Several other people shuffled in as she spoke. "Well, you two go and enjoy your night. Congratulations and I hope to see you both next time as well." She gave us both a hug and we moved toward the door. A gentleman handed us a signed picture as we left.

I could care less about the picture; I just wanted to get Bella alone to be with her, in whatever way she wanted. I just wanted her near me.

"Want to walk some more, Love?" I asked as the night air blew her air off of her shoulder.

"Nope," she responded.

"Oh, okay, what do you want to do?" I asked.

"I want my fiancé to take me back to our hotel room and make love to me. That's what I want."

I nearly swallowed my tongue in surprise. Bella's hands rested on my chest and she leaned slightly in toward me, so I pulled her closer and kissed her. I kissed her to show her how much I wanted the same thing and I kissed her to show her how much I loved her.

I just kissed her and let all other thoughts go.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: As you may have recognized, my name has changed. Years ago when I first started in ffn as a reader, I made an account to review. Never knew that as a writer my name would be important. It was kinda awkward and people never knew what to call me, and it led a few real life people to me since it was closely related to my real name. In light of those facts, I made a clean break! I am Siobhan, she's the curvy Irish coven member and since I have such a huge crush on the name Masen, it was only natural for that to be my last name! Hope I don't confuse you, if you followed me on any media with my old name, you will still be following me under my new one. I just changed names, not accounts! Two more chapters in this installment, are you ready for them? I know for sure you've been waiting on one...could that be next weeks chapter? We'll see...**

**Till next time...**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Sorry this is late, I've had lots going on and the next chapter is not written...gasp! I will get it done, swear it! I won't make you wait for a second longer than necessary! Love to all the same girls-Maggie J Masen and Shadowed by Passion! Not much to say today so on with the playlist...**

**Playlist:I Love You-Sarah McLachlan, When You Say You Love Me- Josh Groban, Can't Take My Eyes Off You- Lady Antebellum, When You Love Someone- Bryan Adams, I Know How the River Feels- Diamond Rio, Endless Love- Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 29<strong>

**Edward**

"Bella?" I had to ask, it was who I was and I needed to know.

The thing I loved about Bella was she got me; she knew what I thought or felt, without a single word from me. Just like right now, as she looked deep into my eyes. Her hand touched my cheek and she kissed me. No words, just actions. She answered my silent question with her actions. I simply wanted to check on her absolution of our acts, because once I started I was wasn't sure I could stop. Not after how long I had waited for her.

Her mouth fully covered mine, it opened and she sucked my tongue inside her mouth. She directed me in all of my movements. I loved it, because as silly as it sounded, given our age differences and all, I was the one without experience. I knew nothing except the vile thoughts of others. She was the one that had grown up in this time; she knew nothing else. She was comfortable with her sexuality and sadly, I was not quite there yet. She gave me confidence however, in how much she wanted me and in how she loved me.

Bella had certainly taken me further than any single other influence in my entire existence. I focused on the way her mouth moved over mine. How good it felt when her tongue slid across the flat surface of my tongue. With vampire speed, I picked her up and laid her across the bed. I let my instincts take control in how my body fell on top of her as I kissed her back. I mimicked every single action she made. It must have worked, because she writhed against me and moaned when I was brave enough to try a new area to kiss or touch.

My mouth found the top of her breasts. The more attention I paid them, and the more she moved around, the more they fell out of the top of her dress. One simple tie held it together behind her head and as my hands moved to release them, Bella's hands moved as well. A single pull had her upper body bore for me to gaze over. I watched them as they moved and swayed across the front of her body. I saw the dark nipple as it drew up in a tight circle because of my gaze alone. She was perfection, pure and simple perfection.

Bella sat up and I followed her back to my knees. She pulled her dress off of her body and tossed it across the room. She wore a microscopic pair of blue lace panties. I yanked her body up onto my thighs and pulled her back in for a kiss. I had to find a way to show her how much it meant to me that she trusted me to be the one, but I wasn't sure there was such a way.

My lower half began to move and undulate against Bella's body and she reciprocated my actions. I needed to be naked with her, to feel her smooth skin against mine. Bella's hands dropped to the buttons on my shirt and made short work of them. I pulled the shirt off of my shoulders and tossed it with Bella's dress as she undid my belt and pants.

The sensation was too much. If she touched me now, I would be done for and I would embarrass myself. So I focused on her for a little while. Her body followed my gentle nudge down onto the bed. I sat back and took her in. Her long, lithe body stretched out before me. Her hair seemed to glow in the small amount of lamplight, as it fanned out across the white sheets beneath her. Her face was relaxed and smiled back up at me, as she allowed me my time to look her over.

"God, Bella, you're too beautiful for words," I murmured.

She lifted her hips and I pulled the lace off of her body. I wanted to gaze at her more, but her small whimper spurred me to move closer to her. My eyes flashed from her face to the soft pink skin of her essence. It was slightly darker than the rest of her body and sexy as hell. The slightly swollen lips were so firm looking; her inner lips barely showed which begged me to open her up and look at them closer. Her hood and clitoris were standing at attention. She was text book perfect and so pretty.

_Lick me, Edward. Do it. Don't think about it, just do it._

I was positive it was Bella that spoke to me, but her mouth was still.

_Do it now before I explode from your gaze alone._

Bella's mind…I was able to hear Bella's mind!

Her head thrashed about gently and her hips undulated towards me. So, I took her advice and dove right in. I was shocked at the heat, almost a steam that emanated from her. Her skin was soft, smooth and so slick as I licked across her. Her hips doubled their efforts as they pushed against my face. I had to be honest; I had no idea at all what the hell I was doing. This was so different than the images I had experience with. I did what felt right and Bella certainly enjoyed it, given the sounds that ripped from her throat. The room was filled with our simultaneous pants and moans. The sounds were intoxicating.

I reached up and touched the soft skin of her chest and ran my right hand along her ribcage. I caressed her tattoo. I still didn't know the full meaning of it, but I knew it represented us and what we had before and what we have now. It only added to her beauty.

My left hand pushed her legs back toward her body to spread her more for me. I slid one finger, then a second into her, as I continued to lick her.

_Oh, God, the venom feels so good on my slick skin. _

I let it pool in my mouth and licked her again with a concentrated effort. Her feet dropped to the bed and she began to push her essence against my face. She basically did all the work; I held myself there while she took care of her pleasure. Her muscles rippled in her stomach and her back arched up off of the bed, when I realized how close she was. I prayed for nothing more than to see her come apart for me.

My fingers found her g-spot; it wasn't hard to do, exactly how the text books described it – a small, round ridge on the front side of her vaginal walls. I slowly added pressure against it and her whole body arched off of the bed.

Up until now it had been only whimpers, moans, and a few small mews like a newborn kitten. But with this single touch, she came alive and thrashed wildly.

"Oh, God, yes, Edward. Yes, yes, yes!"

Her hand found my head and pushed me closer to her. Her one hand stayed on the back of my head, while her other took a handful of her breast and squeezed it. I took note, so I would know what she liked for the next time. I then noticed her ring on her third finger; it was all I imagined it to be and more to see it there.

The venom slowly seeped from my mouth onto her tender skin as I sucked her clitoris.

"Yes, Edward, oh yes."

I felt the rush of moisture as she came. I watched her body shake as I gently eased her down from the bliss.

I had to have one more taste of her; I pushed both legs back and licked up and down her spread open body. She tasted so sweet, yet with a slight hint of tanginess mixed in. It was a flavor I would crave for eternity.

When Bella pulled her too sensitive body away from me, I backed off of her. To my surprise she flipped us over and climbed across my lap. A small, but well placed lick was given to my dick, as she made her way to my mouth again. I bucked against her lower lips and pulled her the rest of the way up to me. Our eyes met and I gazed into them as I slid against her body. I was no longer nervous; I was ready to be with her.

Skin rubbed against skin, as our tongues met again. Bella's sweet core rubbed across my dick and coated it with her arousal. It felt like Heaven, between her wet heat. I lifted my dick up and allowed Bella to slide against it one more time. I felt the foreskin slide down and it left my head exposed. I knew from my own touch that the head would be so sensitive without the covering of my foreskin. I decided that now was as good of time as any to push myself in. I was positioned at her opening. Her hips tilted slightly forward and she slowly eased down onto me.

My hands rested along the plump swell of her ass and helped to guide her down. Not that she needed any help, what so ever. She had her pattern of movement set - up, down, twist her hips, up, down, hips twist.

It took forever before I could form words to describe how she felt wrapped around me. All the experiences; all the words, the explanations of how her body would work with mine, none of them were accurate enough. The poets, writers, painters and song writers got it wrong; none of their words compared to what I felt with her right this moment. None, ever would!

"Oh, Bella…it's just…there's no words."

_Yeah, that's it. Tell me how you feel. Tell me what I do for you…oh, harder. _

I used my legs for leverage and thrust up into her. I had no fear of hurting her, so I could be as rough as she wanted. Her eyes never left mine and I loved the intense connection we had. So much so, I almost whimpered when she pulled herself off of me.

My gaze refused to allow her eyes to make their leave from me as she slid sensuously down my body; she kissed and licked along her way. When her small hand gripped my shaft and pumped my still hard dick, I almost came all over her.

Bella's mouth replaced her hand. She took me all the way in. I guess for her, it was easier based on the fact she didn't have to breathe. She could simply concentrate on me and my pleasure. Her moans caused a tightening of her throat around me, and I wanted to come so bad. I just couldn't yet. I needed to make it better for her. Bella removed her mouth and replaced it with her hand. When her hand closed around my shaft again, I flipped us over.

Her hand stayed and guided me back into her. She moved slightly and rubbed my cock across her clit, her hand stayed on me so she was still able to rub along the sides of my shaft as I pushed into her. It felt incredible to know she enjoyed it as much as I did. And I couldn't lie; I wanted to feel her bundle of nerves as she pulsed against me when she came again. So, my hand drifted to lie beside hers on her body. I pinched her clit between her fingers and mine and rubbed along the sides of it; all the while I made sure to set a deep, slow rhythm inside her body. My tip never fully left her, but I made sure to pull it all the way to the edges of her outer lips before pushing it back in.

I pulled back and sat up on my knees, still never leaving her. My larger hands fit to her hips and covered her skin, as I made love to her slow and deep. I watched my dick slide in and out of her slick skin. I watched her coat me in her essence as she enjoyed the pleasure my body brought her. Her hips rose up and met mine as we watched the love, joy and pleasure on each other's face. I couldn't help but kiss her; I needed to show her my emotions in the only way I could right then.

I felt a tingling in my legs as it ran up my spine, the adrenaline surged and I assumed it was my orgasm. But, I wasn't ready to be done yet. I wanted to see Bella come one more time before I gave in.

_Oh, Edward, I'm yours. Do what you want with me; show me how much you want me, anything. I'm yours, all yours. Take me like you want, show me your fantasies. _

Her eyes held mine and she knew I'd heard her; she knew I knew her desires now. She wanted me to show her what I wanted from her, from us together. So I did.

I flipped her over onto her stomach, and slid into her sweet pussy from behind. She was so much tighter this way. I settled in close to her, against the backs of her thighs. I wanted to be able to fully enter her. Her hands gripped the sheets and held on, as she whimpered with each stroke, as they pushed her higher and higher. I felt her body pulse around me. The surge of fluids almost pushed me over the edge. I spread her ass cheeks open so I had a better view and could watch myself enter her pussy over and over.

_Oh, fuck yes, treat me rough. Show me how out of control you can be with me. Come on, I can take it! Show me how much you want me Edward! _

I rubbed a thumb across her ass, and watched her lose her fight to hold off her orgasm. It was her fourth or fifth; I had lost track. As her body quaked beneath me, I rubbed across her ass again and pushed all the way inside her. Her hips tilted and I pressed against her sweet spot once more.

When her body tightened down on me, I came so hard I saw stars. It was without warning and it felt magnificent. My body pulsed and released into Bella. I felt each stream as it left me. Bella must have as well, because with each release, she squeezed and fluttered around me. It prolonged the experience for both of us.

When we both stopped shaking, I pulled her into my arms and held her against me. Our lips met in a series of sensuous kisses as we whispered words of love to one another.

I marveled at our level of understanding we now had for each other.

How I couldn't see it before was beyond me. I was so stupid and blind.

I lived my life by the way I assumed I was supposed to. In the mean time, I shut myself off to so many experiences that I would never get back. Now, I could only hope that Bella would experience them with me. If so, then that would keep me from feeling any regret.

"Let's go home and gather our family. I wanna get married, what do you say?" Bella asked.

I nodded my head and kissed her one more time.

Within twenty minutes we had showered, changed and checked out of the hotel room. Alice called as we hit the highway.

"Hello Alice," Bella responded, when she answered her phone.

"We're all ready and I packed a bag for the both of you. We'll meet you in Seattle for the flight," Alice answered the unasked question.

"Great, see you then." Bella touched the screen and ended her call.

"Flight? What flight?" I asked.

"Oh, you'll see." The smirk on Bella's beautiful face was priceless. I let her have her fun; she deserved it after all she had been through. Our hands wove themselves together and I enjoyed the drive with her beside me.

When it approached, I took the ramp toward Seattle. Apparently Bella had plans. I had no reason to doubt her, so I followed along blindly.

What she didn't know was that I would follow along blindly for the rest of my existence.

* * *

><p><strong>EN:So..he heard her! What's up with that? And THEY HAD SEX? So what are your feelings on that? Let me know, because the reviews encourage me to write the next chapter! So bring em on!**

**Till next time...**


End file.
